Dating and intimacy? How long to wait?

[Anonymous]

When seriously dating, how long are people waiting to be intimate? Is this even a thing? Right away? Wait a few dates? First date? Weeks?

[Anonymous]

I typically date someone for several months and wait until the guy suggests making it exclusive. I also ask him to get std testing first. People on this forum will say no guy will put up with that and will bolt, but only once had I had a guy not be willing to wait.

Are you comfortable sleeping with someone who might be sleeping with or dating other people? I am not, so I wait. But if you are, go for it.

I'm assuming you're a woman. If you're a man, I recommend waiting till date five so raise sex. Kiss on the second date, hook up without sex on date three or four, but wait till the fifth or later to bring up sex.

[Anonymous]

Depends.
If it's a dinner date, #1, I wait until after the entree is finished before suggesting sex.
But that's just me. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

With my boyfriend, we waited a week. That said, we both felt something was "different" about this relationship from the getgo, and feel that way now. Historically I wait a month or two.

[Anonymous]

Depends on your definition of "intimate"...somewhere between a few dates and a few weeks, depending, for actual sex. I fun evening where there is chemistry maybe some oral fun.

[Anonymous]

Typically, third date. By then, you know if you're feeling it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I typically date someone for several months and wait until the guy suggests making it exclusive. I also ask him to get std testing first. People on this forum will say no guy will put up with that and will bolt, but only once had I had a guy not be willing to wait.

Are you comfortable sleeping with someone who might be sleeping with or dating other people? I am not, so I wait. But if you are, go for it.

I'm assuming you're a woman. If you're a man, I recommend waiting till date five so raise sex. Kiss on the second date, hook up without sex on date three or four, but wait till the fifth or later to bring up sex.

I wouldn't put up with that. Plenty of women are willing to have sex on the third date, or for that matter, the first. "Several months"? Forget it. She'll be here on DCUM wondering why you don't want sex and all the other women will tell her to dump you.

[Anonymous]

You wait until the moment it feels right. With me the earliest it has been is the 3rd date, the longest...never. If I don't have a strong physical urge after the 5th or 6th date it's just not going to happen. If a guy assumes he's going to have sex with me on the first or even second date and he lets it be known that's what he expects then there is no third date. Before I have sex with a guy I will ask him about STDs and that's not a first or second date conversation.

[Anonymous]

I went on 8 (EIGHT!) dates with this one guy, who wouldn't even kiss me. One of our last dates was a horror movie, where I leapt into his arms at the jump scares and tried to hold his hand at tense scenes. He couldn't have been less interested in touching me. I couldn't do it anymore when he called about date #9 and get this, he was so disappointed and said he really felt a connection and asked me to reconsider.

[Anonymous]

The older I got the less I waited. With my now-DH, I think 3 dates?

[Anonymous]

This really depends on how importance intimacy is in a relationship to you. For me, I have to be able to be sexually fulfilled.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 13:02 ... I don't wait very long now that I am older. I know what I want and I want to know if the sexual chemistry is good before I invest a lot of time. I also want a good, kind, decent person but I am pretty good at figuring that out. No need for some long courtship ritual. We either hit it off fairly quickly or we don't. We are no longer middle schoolers.

[Anonymous]

Early 40s man here. Have dated much more since my divorce two years ago than I ever did in my 20s before meeting my former wife. I would never have gone on a first date back then thinking sex was even a first-date possibility. Now it seems as likely as not to happen. But just as I've had sex on a first date, I've also waiting until we both mutually committed to exclusivity before having sex, and in each case it made sense at the time.

The one thing I can honestly say is that I don't think the timetable ever had bearing on the viability of a relationship. There is no need to be strategic and have sex sooner than you are comfortable or wait longer than you want to just to hit an acceptable time frame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with 13:02 ... I don't wait very long now that I am older. I know what I want and I want to know if the sexual chemistry is good before I invest a lot of time. I also want a good, kind, decent person but I am pretty good at figuring that out. No need for some long courtship ritual. We either hit it off fairly quickly or we don't. We are no longer middle schoolers.

How many middle schoolers do you know who are having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When seriously dating, how long are people waiting to be intimate? Is this even a thing? Right away? Wait a few dates? First date? Weeks?

There is no set rule/recipe to follow. Follow your instincts and your comfort level.