Lying 13-yo Boy
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Anonymous
| what kind of consequences? how to make it stop or not possible? it's getting worse by the day i'm just so sad and disappointed. |
Anonymous
| I've got the same going on but mine is 12. And it's about stupid sh&t too! grrrrr |
Anonymous
| Mine used to lie a lot too. About stupid stuff. Drove me batty. No easy fix - must continue to correct it as it happens. I used to take ipad away for 1 day but I don't think that did anything. I think boys lying at this age is pretty common. |
Anonymous
| I don't think that punishment will do anything to reduce lying. Lying is, however, a valuable life skill. They will get better at it. |
Anonymous
| Anybody remember Dr Laura, radio personality? She had this type of problem with her DS. One day, either she or her DS wanted to go to McDonalds and she agreed. When she drove past McDonalds, her son said "You just drove by the restaurant, did you forget"? That's when she told him, "No, I lied, we are not going." She then had a conversation on lying and how it effects others. Honestly, this seems a little mean spirited to me, but it will make a point. |
Anonymous
| and he's a boy scout... |
Anonymous
+1. I don't punish "lying", necessarily, just any problems, harm, or rule breaking that actually occurred. If he lies about where he was, for example, I don't actually care unless he was somewhere he wasn't allowed to be, and that's the part I would care about. |
Anonymous
| What is he lying about and why? Knowing that would determine my approach. |
Anonymous
| I agree that the real issue is the underlying feeling that causes him to lie. What is the lie about and why did he feel the need to lie about it? |
Anonymous
| he's hiding in his bed playing video games on the ipad. |
Anonymous
|
Do you restrict his screen time even when he has plenty of free time after doing homework, chores and activities, and/or force him to go to bed at 8:30?
If yes, you can't really be surprised that he would want to sneak a little time with the iPad. |
Anonymous
Can you simply take the iPad away except when he earns it back at weekends by truning in all homework or whatever you set as the way to earn it back? If he says he needs it for school--I've never seen my teen use a pad but only a computer for actual schoolwork. If he's playing online games, turn off the house wifi. Change to s password he doesn't have. Anything he does that requires wifi, he has to ask an adult to turn it on. A pain for you but possibly necessary until he demonstrates maturity. Lying should lose him both games AND some other privilege he really values. Find his "currency"--the things he will miss enough that losing them will make him alter behavior. Could be an expected outing, participation in an event or sport, etc. Do not spring this kind of consequence on him, though. Sit down with him and your spouse and the parents explain that these are the new rules about gaming, iPad use period, phone use, computer use; then lay out calmly that if he does X, he will lose Y for Z days (or weeks). I'd be very clear with him that lying about misuse of a device will be treated even more seriously than the misuse and will result in losing more, for a longer time. Tell him all this when things are calm, so he knows what to expect if he misuses and/or lies. Emphasize that all lies, about devices or not, will earn the consequences you lay out. He will act like you're monsters but stay cool and totally consistent. Act regretful rather than angry if he transgresses: "You lied snow sneaking games on (whatever). I'm sorry you made that choice after we talked so clearly about what the consequence would be, but now the result of that choice is that you lose the weekend gaming you usually would get, plus you cannot attend (event) this weekend." |
Anonymous
| PP here, should be lied about, not lied "snow"! |
Anonymous
Mean???? MEAN? Are you kidding me? It's brilliant. Thanks for posting this. Signed, Mom of 13 year old boy who is also prone to lying |
Anonymous
I think these posters are making way too much out of this. I have a 13 YO boy and there is no "underlying feeling" that causes him to lie. He lies because he can. He is testing boundaries to see what will happen and what we will do about it. Sometimes it's about getting himself out of trouble - other times, who knows? If you have a young teen boy, you know that sometimes stuff just comes out of their mouths. I love, too, love the drive by McDonald's idea. I will adapt and use that to show that words, even those carelessly tossed around, have meaning. |