Boyfriend would like to start going Dutch on dates after 8 months

[Anonymous]

I've been dating a guy for the past 8 months, and for the past 2 weeks, he's been hinting at me contributing more for our outings. To start, he makes more than double than I do and live at home with his parents and his monthly expenses are around $900. I have my own place and my monthly expenses are double his soooooo upon exceeding our 3rd to 4th date I asked about budgeting for dates to contribute my part and he said not to worry about it so he started taking me shopping maybe once a month (within reason).I cover our movie tickets, I do all the driving in my car, tipping in restaurants, and I've paid for about 3 meals over the past few months, He stay at my place 3-4 days a week, I've given him my Comcast password so he can watch cable from his iPad (actually I just bought him a new iPad Pro for his Bday two weeks ) and my Netflix password, I know these things aren't much but this is what I've contributed ! I met him totally unexpected in the midst of finally conquering my debt, I offer to cook his favorite meals on weekends (ALL THE TIME ) as right now he's spending $800/mo on us before we go out, he doesn't want me to cook. When we go out, I stopped ordering appetizers and I eat off of his plate and he complains that I'm not eating. I've offered to pick up extra shifts to make extra cash, but then he's complaining we won't spend as much time together. I feel like he showed a different side of himself when we first met and now he's asking to go dutch is kind of like a 180, or is this normal at our stage in the relationship? I definitely don't want to ruin my relationship because of this, he'll have to deal with me working more hours if he really want me to contribute, would love honest and genuine feedback. Thank you!!!

[Anonymous]

First of all, you are an idiot.

This is why men and women should be going dutch on date from the beginning because over time, someone's feelings get hurt because they start keeping score or someone think they're getting taken for a ride (it's usually the man) so they have a change of heart. But NOOOO! Women insist on the free ride for the first couple of dates because they know the man knows he's more than likely to be rejected if he (heaven forbid) asks a woman to go dutch on the first date.

IMO, you're getting exactly what you deserved.

[Anonymous]

This tit-for-tat is insane. Do us all a favor and end this bizarre relationship.

[Anonymous]

I think if you're clear on what your budget is and you offer alternatives that don't cost money or don't exceed that budget and he is t happy, then you aren't in the same place and you should move on. I don't agree with PP that it's as simple as going Dutch. That only works if you can work out activities that are within the smaller budget.

[Anonymous]

I would love to know how much you are spending during your "within reason" shopping trips.

[Anonymous]

Man, when do you have time to enjoy each other's company with all of this score-keeping?

[Anonymous]

Why are you with this guy?

[Anonymous]

He makes twice as much as you and he lives at home with his parents and he spends 3-4 nights a week at your place. He's a loser! Charge him rent if he wants to go dutch. Chances are you're not having sex at his parents place.

[Anonymous]

Pretty ridiculous that he is insisting you go out then wants you to pay half. I'd tell him I'm happy to pay half but we will also curtail the activities - assuming you want to keep going out with him. If you want someone to pay your way happily, this isn't the guy for you.

[Anonymous]

No guy should be expected to pay the woman's way 8 months into a relationship. At that point, going "dutch" is perfectly acceptable. Most of my late-twenties female friends who are in long term relationships split groceries, rent, electric, cable, etc. HOWEVER, OP's guy doesn't seem to understand that OP isn't up for spending as much as he is on dining and entertainment. If he was a reasonable guy he would at least level with OP and offer to cut back on the fancy dates out.

[Anonymous]

He's a loser. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Woman here. Why do you think he should be paying your way all the time? Why is it his problem that you have debt and he earns and saves more?

Go Dutch on everything, and live within the budget you can live with.

[Anonymous]

This is why I tend to move on to another girl after I have banged her a few times. The cost is the same whether I date a new woman every couple of months, or keep the old on for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, you are an idiot.

This is why men and women should be going dutch on date from the beginning because over time, someone's feelings get hurt because they start keeping score or someone think they're getting taken for a ride (it's usually the man) so they have a change of heart. But NOOOO! Women insist on the free ride for the first couple of dates because they know the man knows he's more than likely to be rejected if he (heaven forbid) asks a woman to go dutch on the first date.

IMO, you're getting exactly what you deserved.

And charge him rent every time he sleeps over...NOT... Your insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why I tend to move on to another girl after I have banged her a few times. The cost is the same whether I date a new woman every couple of months, or keep the old on for years.

Better yet, break up and stay FWB. Then it's just booty calls. Much cheaper for both sides!