Not Discussing Baby Names with Friends and Family

[Anonymous]

We have decided that we aren't going to reveal the name of our baby until she is here. When we were undecided on the name, we would get so many different reactions and "suggestions". My step mom has even taken to a name she like and just calls the baby that everytime she sees me, and my MIL has taken to another name she likes and has purchased a personalized item for the baby. We just decided that it would be easier to announce her official name when she arrives so nobody can really say anything.

Has anyone ever done this? Did your family get offended at all? How did it go once baby was here and you announced the name?

We are just tired of hearing what everyone thinks our baby's name SHOULD be...it is our baby after all!

[Anonymous]

You are right on about this. We did the same thing and ended up feeling so good about it. I was so tired of hearing people's opinions of names and it was starting to effect our liking of the names. Really, nobody is going to say the don't like the baby's name once the baby is her and you say her name is...

Good for you, stick to your guns!

[Anonymous]

We did not tell anyone the baby's name until we found out the baby's gender and we were certain about the name. We discussed the answers that we will give when asked why we had selected the name. Then, we let family and friends know of our choice. It was never left up to them for voting for or against the name. It made our lives easier.

[Anonymous]

I don't know. It seems like a bit of overkill to me. And a bit dramatic with the "reveal" and "official". You don't want to tell them the name but you're tired of people giving you suggestions? It seems as though as long as they think you don't have a name they're going to keep giving you suggestions.

If you want to keep the name under wraps I think you should. But of course the people closest to you are going to keep wondering. It's a big part of having a baby.

[Anonymous]

We will let them know that we have a name, but that we aren't discussing it. All of the suggestions are just annoying and again, it's OUR baby!!

[Anonymous]

OP I agree with you. Our reasoning was this: people have NO problem telling you what they think about a name BEFORE the baby comes. "That's cute but what about X." Etc. Once a baby is here, it takes a special kind of rude to say something about the name.

My mom and my FIL are pretty opinionated so we knew they might say something. As suspected, once the baby came and we revealed the name everyone was so excited and there was no, "Huh. Interesting." Or any other crap.

We pretty much knew the name a couple months before the baby was born and people at work would insist on hearing our ideas, so I would always say the name plus a few more on our list, and I was amazed at what people would say. I wanted to say, "will you feel silly or awkward if we end up naming the baby that after you just made that comment?"

So for me, it was more to protect myself from blatant rudeness. I can be a bit sensitive so I just didn't want people to bash the name I had been thinking about for years, and they are really much less likely to do that once the baby is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. It seems like a bit of overkill to me. And a bit dramatic with the "reveal" and "official". You don't want to tell them the name but you're tired of people giving you suggestions? It seems as though as long as they think you don't have a name they're going to keep giving you suggestions.

If you want to keep the name under wraps I think you should. But of course the people closest to you are going to keep wondering. It's a big part of having a baby.

Missing the point. I don't think the intention here is to be "dramatic" for the big "reveal" on the name. Some parents just like to take the discussion off the table. It's about not having to defend the chosen name. Like now, even this discussion seems to have elicited criticism.

[Anonymous]

We let family and friends know the names we had chosen in advance (and we never got any of the negative comments). But OP's family sounds a bit off - getting a personalized item for the baby when they HAVEN'T told people the name is just rude. And telling people what they SHOULD name their baby is rude too!

[Anonymous]

Obviously it's totally your baby and your call how to handle this. But I will say it's hurt my feelings when people I'm close to tell me that they won't tell me the baby's name. I'm excited about welcoming the baby into the world and being a part of his/her life, yet they don't feel they want to share it. Not the end of the world, of course, but something that always stings a little for me.

[Anonymous]

We chose not to tell anyone our DD's name until after she was born. Our reasoning was basically that we didn't want a lot of "opinions" and "input" from people about the potential names we had chosen - especially from certain family members, who we knew would have strong opinions no matter what the name was! FWIW, we used a classic/traditional name for DD, so it wasn't an issue of having a "weird" name. I just wanted to be able to name our DD without being influenced by a lot of people.

The majority of our family and friends were totally fine with this. The only person who got really frustrated was my mother-in-law. It drove her absolutely crazy, and she was constantly pressuring DH to tell her the name and trying to guess the name. Incidentally, she was also the main person we were concerned about having strong opinions if we did tell her the name in advance...

We revealed the name once DD was born, and we're happy with this decision. We've gotten nothing but positive comments about her name.

[Anonymous]

I'm amazed at how offended some people are that we won't tell them our name choices, but we're not telling for exactly the same reasons as others have said above. We have names picked out for a boy and a girl, but won't be 100% certain until we see the baby. And my mother is EXTREMELY opinionated and will certainly tell us what she thinks, but once she sees the baby, I know she'll love it regardless of its name. (For reference, my nieces and nephew are named Isabel, Anna and Ryan and my mother had something negative to say about each one.)

That said, my mom's convinced we've told everyone in the world except her. And people who aren't even friends, like my hairdresser and the u/s tech, got offended that we wouldn't tell them. It's a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who said you are less likely to hear negatives about the name once the baby is here. I also agree with 11:04 that your family sounds a bit off - your stepmom bought a personalized item with a name SHE chose?? Weird. Someone that (forgive my word choice if it doesn't fit her) pushy, I suspect wouldn't hesitate to tell you why the name you picked is all wrong. And who needs that? Picking a name is hard enough as it is.

I am only first trimester and am just starting to make baby name lists, but I am thinking we will probably keep the name to ourselves to avoid these exact problems. Heck, we may not even find out the gender!

OP, there is absolutely nothing with keeping this to yourselves!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously it's totally your baby and your call how to handle this. But I will say it's hurt my feelings when people I'm close to tell me that they won't tell me the baby's name. I'm excited about welcoming the baby into the world and being a part of his/her life, yet they don't feel they want to share it. Not the end of the world, of course, but something that always stings a little for me.

This is a very individual thing, I think. I have had very few people tell me the name pre-birth and it doesn't hurt my feelings at all. And I'm pretty sensitive.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how it's anyone's business what the name is beforehand, unless you want to share it! I would never get offended at someone not telling me the name. Sheesh!

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever done this? Did your family get offended at all? How did it go once baby was here and you announced the name?

We are just tired of hearing what everyone thinks our baby's name SHOULD be...it is our baby after all!

We didn't tell anyone the names of either of our babies. Like you, I didn't really care or want to hear the opinions of others re: our choices. When we announced the birth, we announced the name.