Not Discussing Baby Names with Friends and Family

[Anonymous]

When I was pregnant with DD1, I got a great piece of advice from a coworker: Never share your baby's name before it's born. 1/3 of the people will love it, 1/3 of the people will hate it, the other 1/3 will say "I just named my dog that"

[Anonymous]

Haha! So true PP! My friend just told me she is naming her daughter Bailey and it took everything in me not to say "I know 3 dogs named Bailey."

[Anonymous]

I can't believe that she bought a personalized item with a random name that she prefers. Wow.

[Anonymous]

I guess I'm in the minority and think there if very little point to this trend. Yeah, some people are not going to like it, comment on it, etc. But, it seems that happens even when you don't share the name. Plus, if they are not going to like it now, they are not going to like it after baby is born. And, I'd rather them just get over it before baby is here.

When I was pregnant, we told people. One person did say that they were not sure that they liked it. I responded that it didn't really matter, we liked it and that was her name. Shut him up pretty quickly.

[Anonymous]

We're 16wks and have told everyone that we'll share the gender but not the name. I'd love to not share the gender, but since I intend to buy gender-specific items, decorate the nursery, etc... it would be impossible to keep that a secret. No one has given us any grief at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority and think there if very little point to this trend. Yeah, some people are not going to like it, comment on it, etc. But, it seems that happens even when you don't share the name. Plus, if they are not going to like it now, they are not going to like it after baby is born. And, I'd rather them just get over it before baby is here.

When I was pregnant, we told people. One person did say that they were not sure that they liked it. I responded that it didn't really matter, we liked it and that was her name. Shut him up pretty quickly.

The thing is that people are much less likely to tell you that they do not like the name, or they once knew someone with that name, if you tell them the name after the baby arrives. I think it is because at that point the baby is there and the baby is already Janie, Jack or whatever name you selected. We have always waited and have never had someone tell us that they did not like the name. Sure they may have thought that, but they did not share it with us.

[Anonymous]

I think this "trend" largely depends on the type of person you are and the family and friends you have. Everyone in my group of friends shares the name and I've never known a single one to say anything negative about a name choice. I can't imagine doing something so rude.

Also, I wouldn't give a crap what someone's opinion was on a name I chose. It wouldn't stop me from using it if I like it and thought it was right.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have agreed not to share the name of our child until the baby is born. Personally, I don't want to hear opinions from my family. Yes, we are most likely going with a traditional, family name most likely, but I don't want anyone in the family to get their heart set on a particular name in case my husband and I change our mind. Right now "my name" is the first name and my husband's choice is the middle name, but that could flip flop. Heck, we could go with an entirely different first name.

My grandmother asked me why I was being so mean to her when I told her we weren't sharing names. I reminded her that as a Jew, she shouldn't be asking about names before baby is born anyhow. That gave her food for thought She won't let me have a baby shower because of superstition, but that doesn't apply to names, apparently.

[Anonymous]

Also not telling the name (now 36 wks), and people haven't really asked too much. My MIL made a couple of dumb unsolicited suggestions before we were even pregnant, but I just did the "nod and smile," knowing we'd ignore her. We know the sex and are keeping it secret, so our out is "oh, if we told you the name, you'd know the sex, so we can't."

Just to give a little more (kinda morbidly neurotic) context to the superstitious angle, if something were to be wrong with the baby at birth (ptoo, ptoo, knock on wood, etc.), many parents would elect to use a different name than the one they had chosen initially. Obviously, the worst-case scenario is that the baby doesn't survive, but then you have your intended name to use for a subsequent child. Horrible, horrible thought, I know, but it's the truth. There's also an old superstition about changing a sick baby's name to fool the Angel of Death into taking another child, so that's part of some people's shtick about names and secrecy.

Well, that's enough sunshine from me for today...sorry for the unhappy thoughts!

[Anonymous]

We have boundary issues in our family, so we are not telling anyone. My stepmother-in-law launched into a tirade about how much she hated my nephew's name before he was born so we decided right then and there that they would have to wait for the birth announcement. Also, I don't want to feel locked into a name. Even though we have tentatively decided on something, we reserve the right to change our minds. What if after a couple of months of getting used to a name, we decide we don't like it anymore? Or the baby comes out and we say, "what were we thinking, that's a stupid name!" I like to keep my options open. Plus, we will likely choose a fairly unusual name and I just don't feel like dealing with the questions and comments at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I'm in the minority and think there if very little point to this trend. Yeah, some people are not going to like it, comment on it, etc. But, it seems that happens even when you don't share the name. Plus, if they are not going to like it now, they are not going to like it after baby is born. And, I'd rather them just get over it before baby is here.

When I was pregnant, we told people. One person did say that they were not sure that they liked it. I responded that it didn't really matter, we liked it and that was her name. Shut him up pretty quickly.

I'm w/ this PP. We were pretty open about our "short list" and the final names we chose with both our children (we didn't know the gender so had to pick male and female names both times). My husband's family made a couple comments about a few of the names, but I basically said what the PP did, that it didn't matter because it wasn't their choice. I have a good relationship w/ them, so I wasn't offended by their comments, and they weren't offended by my response. My brother just gave his daughter a name that I find quite odd. I didn't tell him that, but I was happy that I had a few months to get used to it before she was born. Many posters have said "it's OUR baby" and I would suggest that the fact that it's your baby means you shouldn't give a fig what others think of the name.

[Anonymous]

I immediately went home and told my husband we can no longer share name ideas after receiving a "grossed out" facial expression from a friend who I told a name we were considering! Even if they hate the name, they won't make that face (at least in front of us!) when we announce the birth of our child!

But we both broke down a bit--I ended up telling my parents, sister and best friend, and my husband told his best friend. All people we were confident would tell us they loved the name regardless of if they really did!

[Anonymous]

My coworker is not sharing her DC's name and I am sharing mine. We are all DYING to know their name, but no one was offended or anything. She said things that are all the same reasons - didn't want reactions, etc. etc.

Our chosen name is very traditional and a family name. It's a bit easier because not many people can say much about it since it's so common (or was in our generation - not so much now). Plus, we are really really set on it and I think I've actually been talking about it for years .

Obviously I think either way is fine. I'm sorry to hear that you are getting a hard time from the fam. They probably just are dying to know!!

[Anonymous]

Not sharing is better (just say "still working on it). I had decided to not share for the majority, then out of guilt decided to share ideas w close family (parents and siblings) thinking they were close to me and I would enjoy their input. WORST MISTAKE EVER. I got the whole gamut of unwanted comments (neighbor's pet dog, someone from work they don't like, etc.etc.).

The general rule of, if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything, seems to go out the window when it comes to baby names. The only feedback should be if there is a very obvious horrible common association in mainstream culture that for some reason the parents missed ("I didn't realize people would think of Hitler if I name my son Adolf").

However, so many people don't know how to stop themselves from sharing their own PERSONAL associations of someone they didn't like, whom neither the parents nor the child will ever know.

[Anonymous]

We also didn't tell anyone the name in advance. I didn't want to hear the opinions and comments. And boy, am I glad we didn't. We are 2 very dark haired people (one dark eyes and one light eyes) and we managed to have a blonde-haired, blue eyed child. I was in shock. If she didn't look exactly like me I wouldn't have thought she was mine. She also didn't look at all like the name I'd picked for her. So, right after she was born we decided to change the name to another on our short list that we thought fit her better. We used the original name for her middle name since we liked it so much to begin with.