I think I gave my SO an STD..what to do

[Anonymous]

We've been together for 14 years. I have always been very careful to ensure I'm not having an outbreak before any type of activity. I can always tell the pre-signs and make up reasons to not be intimate. On Friday night we had sex (oral too), and then Saturday afternoon when I took a shower I felt a sore area. I'm devastated! I had a gf that had cold sores and he always said how nasty she was. I knew he would leave me if he knew the truth. Now I just hate myself, because I may have hurt the one person that has always been in my corner and who genuinely loves me. Do I just confess now,even though he might not have been infected, or wait until the symptoms start and then pretend I didn't know? I could have just been a carrier all these years and now with my recent immune system problems, it just appeared. There is no cure so it's not like waiting will make it worse. The thought of losing him is too much to bear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been together for 14 years. I have always been very careful to ensure I'm not having an outbreak before any type of activity. I can always tell the pre-signs and make up reasons to not be intimate. On Friday night we had sex (oral too), and then Saturday afternoon when I took a shower I felt a sore area. I'm devastated! I had a gf that had cold sores and he always said how nasty she was. I knew he would leave me if he knew the truth. Now I just hate myself, because I may have hurt the one person that has always been in my corner and who genuinely loves me. Do I just confess now,even though he might not have been infected, or wait until the symptoms start and then pretend I didn't know? I could have just been a carrier all these years and now with my recent immune system problems, it just appeared. There is no cure so it's not like waiting will make it worse. The thought of losing him is too much to bear.

Allowing that this isn't bogus I am going to respond.

I don't have a STD but even I know that immune system problems can cause your STD to 'flair' up. Surely you knew that.

[Anonymous]

No, I didn't know that. And out of nowhere, with no warning signs? I didn't know.

[Anonymous]

He's always in your corner but would leave you if he had known? There's a disconnect there.

[Anonymous]

You have been together for 14 years and you never told him you have herpes? WTH? Shoe on the other foot, how you feel about that?

[Anonymous]

You should never have had sex with him in the first place without telling him. It's totally unethical. And, you can be contagious at the first sign of an outbreak and for something like 20 days afterward. How in the world did you keep in secret?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have been together for 14 years and you never told him you have herpes? WTH? Shoe on the other foot, how you feel about that?

+1
Also, how could you not know that your immune system has everything to do with outbreaks? If you're on immunosuppressants for an autoimmune disease, you can expect to have a big problem. Isn't there an oral antiviral that is used to control herpes outbreaks? I don't know much about it but you should absolutely talk to your doctor and your rheumatologist about your infection. They know how to keep the flare ups to a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Google and see what Jim Carry did when he gave his girlfriend an std.

[Anonymous]

You need professional help.

[Anonymous]

Just wait. He may be already carrying. Chances are he's been exposed over 14 years. If he notices new symptoms, you are shocked, get checks, and low and behold have it too.

[Anonymous]

I would dump you in a second.

[Anonymous]

If this is real, you should have told him before sex 14 years ago. He is goimg to break it off. Tell him and be done with it. I have no regrets. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Let this bogus thread die. Don't reply.

[Anonymous]

Gross. I'd be furious if I found out from my doctor though...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been together for 14 years. I have always been very careful to ensure I'm not having an outbreak before any type of activity. I can always tell the pre-signs and make up reasons to not be intimate. On Friday night we had sex (oral too), and then Saturday afternoon when I took a shower I felt a sore area. I'm devastated! I had a gf that had cold sores and he always said how nasty she was. I knew he would leave me if he knew the truth. Now I just hate myself, because I may have hurt the one person that has always been in my corner and who genuinely loves me. Do I just confess now,even though he might not have been infected, or wait until the symptoms start and then pretend I didn't know? I could have just been a carrier all these years and now with my recent immune system problems, it just appeared. There is no cure so it's not like waiting will make it worse. The thought of losing him is too much to bear.

Allowing that this isn't bogus I am going to respond.

I don't have a STD but even I know that immune system problems can cause your STD to 'flair' up. Surely you knew that.

OP is talking about herpes, and stress can cause outbreaks.

I don't have genital herpes, but when I was in college, I'd always get a cold sore during finals week. It really sucked. If op is under stress, illness most certainly could lead to an outbreak.