How Sister-in-Law treats DD

[Anonymous]

SIL and I have kids similar in age. 2 boys/2 girls. My DD is more mature than her DD although they are both 5. I've noticed that SIL treats my DD sort of in a cold way. If my DD goes to her and starts to excitedly tell her something, SIL doesn't react and kind of ignores her. I don't do that with her DD and always react with "Wow, that's great!" or "So what happened next?" or whatever. I wouldn't care if we didn't see each other often, but we are constantly together. Talk to her or let it go? What would I say?

[Anonymous]

"Margo, Larla is trying to tell you what happened at her dance class."

or

"Larla, Auntie Margo is busy on her phone right now; why don't you play with Lola and show her your new cupcake doll?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL and I have kids similar in age. 2 boys/2 girls. My DD is more mature than her DD although they are both 5. I've noticed that SIL treats my DD sort of in a cold way. If my DD goes to her and starts to excitedly tell her something, SIL doesn't react and kind of ignores her. I don't do that with her DD and always react with "Wow, that's great!" or "So what happened next?" or whatever. I wouldn't care if we didn't see each other often, but we are constantly together. Talk to her or let it go? What would I say?

How is this relevant to your gripe?

[Anonymous]

I have to say, it's never occurred to me to talk to another adult about their lack of enthusiasm for my child.

The only time I intervene is when my son (also 5) is trying to tell a grandparent something, and the grandparent doesn't hear him, or mishears him.

Otherwise, the situation rights itself: If Aunt Larla doesn't seem to care that my son saw a forklift driving down the road, my son will stop telling her about every forklift he sees driving on the road. And that's ok.

I'm actually more like you, op, in that I enjoy talking to other kids with interest and enthusiasm. So, I admit I do notice that not everyone is like that. Which is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Margo, Larla is trying to tell you what happened at her dance class."

or

"Larla, Auntie Margo is busy on her phone right now; why don't you play with Lola and show her your new cupcake doll?"

+1

No, your SIL is not required to enthusiastically listen to your DD's stories, but she doesn't need to be rude and completely ignore her either. Doing the above will either get your SIL to adult like a polite adult, or show you that she really isn't interested at all, in which case you can explain to your DD that her aunt isn't really that interested, so she can stop trying to get her attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to say, it's never occurred to me to talk to another adult about their lack of enthusiasm for my child.

The only time I intervene is when my son (also 5) is trying to tell a grandparent something, and the grandparent doesn't hear him, or mishears him.

Otherwise, the situation rights itself: If Aunt Larla doesn't seem to care that my son saw a forklift driving down the road, my son will stop telling her about every forklift he sees driving on the road. And that's ok.

I'm actually more like you, op, in that I enjoy talking to other kids with interest and enthusiasm. So, I admit I do notice that not everyone is like that. Which is fine.

+1

My SIL is like this, and I would never dream of saying anything. She's pretty self-centered, so it's not likely it would do any good anyway. My kid is going to figure out that Aunt Larla is no fun and stop trying to talk to her, so this is a problem that will solve itself.

[Anonymous]

OP, is it possible that your SIL doesn't like you and that carries over into how she views your child? How does she treat your other child?

Leave it alone and just tell your kid what the 23:11 suggested. You cannot force your SIL to like your child and your child will figure out eventually that her aunt is not that fun.

[Anonymous]

Is it possible your DD's "maturity" is annoying? I like kids, I like talking to kids, but I can't stand precocious and talkative children that are raised to think they can speak like peers to adults. There should be some respect/deference.

So I can see where your "mature" is SIL's "annoying".

[Anonymous]

Do you have one of those kids who thinks every adult should find them adorable? Does she need to dominate adult vonversations and be the center of attention so no one else gets a word in? If so, I'm with your SIL. Kids like that get old fast. So do the parents who sit back and watch it unfold without telling their kid to zip it and go play.

[Anonymous]

I suspect any confrontation about it, no matter how tactful and loving, will result in SIL denying everything. Your examples and impressions are too subjective. Be friendly but disengage to the extent you can.

[Anonymous]

I'm going to agree with the last 2 pps, based on OP's mention of her daughter being super mature.

Your kid isn't as mature and interesting as you think she is OP and you can only fake interest for so long.

[Anonymous]

Most of us learn pretty quickly that there are some parents who are not very caring or seem to disfavor any child other than their own. Whatever the cause of your sil's coldness, she shouldn't have unsupervised time with your kids.

[Anonymous]

OP get over yourself and your "super mature" DD.

[Anonymous]

You can't fix every problem. Your daughter won't wither away and die if your SIL doesn't hang on her every word, she'll learn to stop engaging with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your DD's "maturity" is annoying? I like kids, I like talking to kids, but I can't stand precocious and talkative children that are raised to think they can speak like peers to adults. There should be some respect/deference.

So I can see where your "mature" is SIL's "annoying".

Wow - so the seen and not heard school of parenting??? I think OP that your SIL - if it is just your DD she is cold to is probably competitive (unconsciously or not) that your daughter is able to carry on conversations and feels comfortable talking to others in the family whereas her DD maybe babyish and not able to verbalize in same way. I would just try to deflect when you can but sadly your DD will soon learn that her aunt is not a very warm person and will not seek her out as a favored person in her life.

We were thrilled that our children valued family and expected and acted on the idea that family would be interested in their lives. As parents we wouldn't have them dominate conversations or be the lead on activities but 2 of my 3 were very comfortable at very young ages and enjoyed being among all the family and friends of all ages pretty much right from the start. (Our oldest, who was exceptionally verbal at a very young age was the least comfortable but that was because she was very very shy.) While I don't think my kids saw themselves as old like the adults in the family they did feel valued and frankly we never noticed any extended family or close friends treating them other than respectfully and they were as interested in hearing stories and news the adults had to share as they were in sharing their own. Of course some things went over their heads and we all had the good sense to not share all things if their life experiences or maturity wasn't there yet. But - if my kids (or their cousins, etc) took a little longer to tell or a story or if their wonder of first discovery was perhaps late in coming - I think at least our family/friends enjoyed the coming awareness rather than suffered it as tediousness. I do remember once being at an event where a grumpy woman snidely tried to shush a group of children with the idea that they didn't have a right to be engaged and talking as others at the party were and my own DD looked at her then me questioningly - but I assured her that the woman had ideas of behavior that we did not share.