How Sister-in-Law treats DD

[Anonymous]

First, different parents are better with different age children. 5 is a VERY talkative age (I know, I have two of them who spend from the moment they wake until the second they fall asleep complaining "It's MY turn to talk"). Some people get overwhelmed by the constant babble. She has to pay attention to her children, but she doesn't have to pay attention to other people's children. She may just have barely enough energy to keep up with her own without worrying about others, including a beloved niece.

Divert your children from Aunt Larla and move on. It's not her business to listen to your children. And don't make it about your daughter being more mature or implying that you're a better parent than she is because you listen to children better.

[Anonymous]

Why are you constantly together? Maybe you should work on that.

[Anonymous]

To the OP: is your SIL more introverted than you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your DD's "maturity" is annoying? I like kids, I like talking to kids, but I can't stand precocious and talkative children that are raised to think they can speak like peers to adults. There should be some respect/deference.

So I can see where your "mature" is SIL's "annoying".

Wow - so the seen and not heard school of parenting??? I think OP that your SIL - if it is just your DD she is cold to is probably competitive (unconsciously or not) that your daughter is able to carry on conversations and feels comfortable talking to others in the family whereas her DD maybe babyish and not able to verbalize in same way. I would just try to deflect when you can but sadly your DD will soon learn that her aunt is not a very warm person and will not seek her out as a favored person in her life.

No one cares. Seriously. Family members that think the sun shines out of their child's bum are the most annoying on the planet. Did it ever occur to you that your SIL has no interest in what crayon color Larla used today?

Also OP, you say you are together constantly...well, being nagging by a child every day or every other day would make me 'cold' as well. The child would get the message eventually. Why don't you let the children play and talk to your SIL about grown-up things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to agree with the last 2 pps, based on OP's mention of her daughter being super mature.

Your kid isn't as mature and interesting as you think she is OP and you can only fake interest for so long.

this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your DD's "maturity" is annoying? I like kids, I like talking to kids, but I can't stand precocious and talkative children that are raised to think they can speak like peers to adults. There should be some respect/deference.

So I can see where your "mature" is SIL's "annoying".

Wow - so the seen and not heard school of parenting??? I think OP that your SIL - if it is just your DD she is cold to is probably competitive (unconsciously or not) that your daughter is able to carry on conversations and feels comfortable talking to others in the family whereas her DD maybe babyish and not able to verbalize in same way. I would just try to deflect when you can but sadly your DD will soon learn that her aunt is not a very warm person and will not seek her out as a favored person in her life.

We were thrilled that our children valued family and expected and acted on the idea that family would be interested in their lives. As parents we wouldn't have them dominate conversations or be the lead on activities but 2 of my 3 were very comfortable at very young ages and enjoyed being among all the family and friends of all ages pretty much right from the start. (Our oldest, who was exceptionally verbal at a very young age was the least comfortable but that was because she was very very shy.) While I don't think my kids saw themselves as old like the adults in the family they did feel valued and frankly we never noticed any extended family or close friends treating them other than respectfully and they were as interested in hearing stories and news the adults had to share as they were in sharing their own. Of course some things went over their heads and we all had the good sense to not share all things if their life experiences or maturity wasn't there yet. But - if my kids (or their cousins, etc) took a little longer to tell or a story or if their wonder of first discovery was perhaps late in coming - I think at least our family/friends enjoyed the coming awareness rather than suffered it as tediousness. I do remember once being at an event where a grumpy woman snidely tried to shush a group of children with the idea that they didn't have a right to be engaged and talking as others at the party were and my own DD looked at her then me questioningly - but I assured her that the woman had ideas of behavior that we did not share.

NP. That's my second-favorite school of parenting for other people's kids, right after "not seen and not heard."

[Anonymous]

Op, you are not/or do not need to be "constantly together" with the SIL. That makes no sense. You have control over your time.

[Anonymous]

Your SIL dislikes your kid. Probably jealous.

[Anonymous]

Do nothing. It is great for kids to learn that not all adults find them wonderful. I gave a sil that has zero patience for my son. She can be a complete bitch. But hey, my son now knows to not expect anything from her and to give her some distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible your DD's "maturity" is annoying? I like kids, I like talking to kids, but I can't stand precocious and talkative children that are raised to think they can speak like peers to adults. There should be some respect/deference.

So I can see where your "mature" is SIL's "annoying".

Wow - so the seen and not heard school of parenting??? I think OP that your SIL - if it is just your DD she is cold to is probably competitive (unconsciously or not) that your daughter is able to carry on conversations and feels comfortable talking to others in the family whereas her DD maybe babyish and not able to verbalize in same way. I would just try to deflect when you can but sadly your DD will soon learn that her aunt is not a very warm person and will not seek her out as a favored person in her life.

We were thrilled that our children valued family and expected and acted on the idea that family would be interested in their lives. As parents we wouldn't have them dominate conversations or be the lead on activities but 2 of my 3 were very comfortable at very young ages and enjoyed being among all the family and friends of all ages pretty much right from the start. (Our oldest, who was exceptionally verbal at a very young age was the least comfortable but that was because she was very very shy.) While I don't think my kids saw themselves as old like the adults in the family they did feel valued and frankly we never noticed any extended family or close friends treating them other than respectfully and they were as interested in hearing stories and news the adults had to share as they were in sharing their own. Of course some things went over their heads and we all had the good sense to not share all things if their life experiences or maturity wasn't there yet. But - if my kids (or their cousins, etc) took a little longer to tell or a story or if their wonder of first discovery was perhaps late in coming - I think at least our family/friends enjoyed the coming awareness rather than suffered it as tediousness. I do remember once being at an event where a grumpy woman snidely tried to shush a group of children with the idea that they didn't have a right to be engaged and talking as others at the party were and my own DD looked at her then me questioningly - but I assured her that the woman had ideas of behavior that we did not share.

Omg I fell asleep halfway through your post. I guess you're the grown up version of OP's kid. Get over yourself, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your SIL dislikes your kid. Probably jealous.

Yep.

[Anonymous]

It's only in recent history that adults were expected to pay attention to/respond to/engage in conversation with other people's children.