SATC: what is it that Big found hard to handle about Carrie?

[Anonymous]

I'm re watching the series and wondering about this.

The first couple of seasons, they're back and forth, back and forth. You get the impression that Carrie wants a commitment and would marry him if he asked but Bif is your typical commitment phobe with FOMO. Ok makes sense.

But then he randomly marries Natasha? Who he couldn't have been dating for that long after Carrie. Wtf, I thought he was a commitment phobe? Then he conducts the affair with Carie, letting you think Carrie is really the woman he is in love with. Carrie leaves him because of the situation and humiliation of the scene with Natasha finding out and chasing them down the stairs and breaking her tooth but I do think that if Big had made his big romantic gesture at that point, a la the finale, she would have fallen into his arms. Then there's an episode in the 5th season where he reaches out to her, they have sex, and he gets scared again and retreats.

So his commitment issues were clearly related to Carrie in particular. What do you think it was about her that scared him? Any thoughts about this.

(I realize this is all fictional and I'm putting too much thought into this)

[Anonymous]

Simple, Carrie was too much drama.

[Anonymous]

She was cray

[Anonymous]

My college roommates and I used to debate this when the episodes were new.

Carrie was so obviously needy. It made her a little pathetic. My guy friends (who used to watch with us in the dorm) all said this. Carrie was their least favorite character.

[Anonymous]

She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

[Anonymous]

She was immature.

[Anonymous]

The Wikipedia page has a good breakdown of Mr. Big's issues:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Big_(Sex_and_the_City)

Wikipedia wrote:Carrie eventually falls in love with Big, despite his fear of commitment. His reserved communication on relationship issues and Carrie's coping with the ambiguity are a frequent plot device. Carrie repeatedly returns to the relationship even though he is clearly emotionally unavailable to her and unable to meet her needs. Although it appears Mr. Big was emotionally crippled by a series of failed relationships, the subject is often glossed over as him simply being selfish. Mr. Big's tendency to take major emotional steps in the relationship more slowly than Carrie is often portrayed as emotional unavailability rather than the caution born of a repeatedly broken heart. Carrie's misinterpretation of Mr. Big's inner turmoil as unreachable distance often creates larger issues because of her misplaced feelings of unworthiness, and due to her propensity for not communicating truthfully until too late, results in a lot of painful misunderstandings. Carrie accepts no responsibility for her impatience and lack of empathy, often issuing ultimatums(I.e. first break-up), and Big can't shed his ingrained emotional pessimism to fully embrace Carrie as a partner. They break up repeatedly, over the course of two years for those reasons, before Big marries a gorgeous twenty-six-year-old socialite and Ralph Lauren employee named Natasha (Bridget Moynahan) after dating her for only five months. This hurts Carrie, as she wonders why he could take steps with Natasha that he refused to take with Carrie. It becomes obvious later that Mr. Big had simply skipped many of the important emotional steps before marriage, many of which he had definitely, if slowly, taken with Carrie, ironically creating the problems of distance and unavailability between Big and Natasha, which Carrie had so feared in their own relationship.

There's a lot more, but this is the essence of the answer to your question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was immature.

Yes.

She was like a shallow perpetual teenager. Like the female version of Will Ferrel's perpetual frat boy character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

I think that is the explanation that makes the most sense but what I am wondering is, what is so dang complicated about her that he keeps running from? She doesn't seem complicated to me. In the early seasons, her main interests were Big, her girlfriends, fashion, going out, and writing her column. She wasn't even that into her career (they make her more into a "career woman" after she starts writing her first book).

And he later decides he's all in just because she left NY for Paris?

It's very confusing and sends a mixed message to female viewers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

I used to think that when I was in my 20s and idolized the show. But no, this was just Carrie's rationalization for Big not wanting a high maintenance drama queen.

[Anonymous]

The part where he leaves her at the altar in the first movie is a bridge too far for me. After all their breakups and reunions and the growth he shows over 6 seasons, I don't think he would do that. Yes he might get scared and freaked out but you don't leave someone at the altar in front of ~ 300 guests. Decent people just don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

I used to think that when I was in my 20s and idolized the show. But no, this was just Carrie's rationalization for Big not wanting a high maintenance drama queen.

It's also something only a woman or gay man would think. Men don't even consider whether a woman is "complicated."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

I used to think that when I was in my 20s and idolized the show. But no, this was just Carrie's rationalization for Big not wanting a high maintenance drama queen.

It's also something only a woman or gay man would think. Men don't even consider whether a woman is "complicated."

That's what the writers wanted you to think though. Remember when Carrie finds out that he's marrying Natasha and she goes on a rampage to learn as much as she can about her? And she concludes that Natasha is the kind of simple WASPy girl he envisioned himself marrying. The writers explicitly make the comparison with the movie The Way You Were with Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand, which is about the same thing (opposites attracting and not being able to stay together). At the end, there's a scene where Carrie calls Big Hubbell and he's like "huh?" And she's like "yeah you never got it/me."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part where he leaves her at the altar in the first movie is a bridge too far for me. After all their breakups and reunions and the growth he shows over 6 seasons, I don't think he would do that. Yes he might get scared and freaked out but you don't leave someone at the altar in front of ~ 300 guests. Decent people just don't do that.

Agree totally. The movies were a huge misstep IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She was too complicated for him. He married Natasha because he wanted simple, uncomplicated arm candy. See the last episode of season 2.

I used to think that when I was in my 20s and idolized the show. But no, this was just Carrie's rationalization for Big not wanting a high maintenance drama queen.

It's also something only a woman or gay man would think. Men don't even consider whether a woman is "complicated."

That's what the writers wanted you to think though. Remember when Carrie finds out that he's marrying Natasha and she goes on a rampage to learn as much as she can about her? And she concludes that Natasha is the kind of simple WASPy girl he envisioned himself marrying. The writers explicitly make the comparison with the movie The Way You Were with Robert Redford and Barbara Streisand, which is about the same thing (opposites attracting and not being able to stay together). At the end, there's a scene where Carrie calls Big Hubbell and he's like "huh?" And she's like "yeah you never got it/me."

Is "complicated" a code word for "head case"? Then yeah I can see him not wanting to marry her. Men aren't hard to figure out, the vast majority just want a woman that's easy on the eyes and easy to get along with. We never saw much about Natasha's personal life because then Carrie would have had to admit her own issues. It's easier for her to assume Natasha is a simpleton Barbie doll and Big is shallow.