What would you do? 11 year old boy embarrassed friend

[Anonymous]

My DS is 11 years old. We had some of his friends over to the house. He and his friends were playing Xbox in the basement family room. As I was walking down to the basement Laundry room, one of the boys, not my son, pulled down another boys pants and underwear, exposing his rear end to my and the other boys. I was shocked and don't know what to do.

Is this behavior normal? Should I talk to my son and the other boys? I'm sure the boy who was exposed would be embarrassed that his friends mom saw him exposed. My husband is on a business trip and has not responded yet. I am not from the United States and did not have any brothers growing up. Is this normal?

[Anonymous]

I don't know if it's normal--but it's unacceptable. I think these are moments when you need to step up instantly as the authority figure. Because you didn't do that (not scolding), you need to talk with your son and imo you need to call the boy's parents (the one who was victimized). You don't want them to hear it from another parent, which is a distinct possibility. They may ask you who did it, and at that point, you will have to tell them. They can decide how to handle it with the other boy's parents from there.
You are not at fault- these are tweens who should be able to be on their own--but I would want to know if this happened to my son.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he was pantsing the other kid. It's a teen boy thing and there are videos on youtube.

I'd nip in it in the bud- "Boys, we don't play like that in this house. Do I need to send you home?"

[Anonymous]

They should have laughed and moved on. You should have given a stern "Boys! Cut that out!" and then walked off and not mentioned it again.

Boys moon people. This was just a forced mooning. They're probably not that embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

omg. It is not a big deal. As the PP said a simple - hey! cut it out! - would suffice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:omg. It is not a big deal. As the PP said a simple - hey! cut it out! - would suffice.

+1

[Anonymous]

Boys used to pants each other all the time when I was that age in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys used to pants each other all the time when I was that age in school.

People used to do all kinds of stuff. Some of it was ok. Some of it wasn't. Pulling people's pants down is not ok.

"Boys, we don't play like that in this house. Do I need to send you home?" (as suggested by a PP) would have been a good thing for you to say, OP.

[Anonymous]

My son and his friends do it. And I fuss at him for it. Not in my house, and not to younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Omg, STOP!

You mentioning this to ANYONE will embarrass this boy more. You say nothing, nothing at all. He can talk to his own mom if he's embarrassed. I'd DIE if a friends mom approached me about this to discuss my feelings on pantsing.

I promise, he's already forgotten about, he'll simply make sure to get some payback on the kid who did.

[Anonymous]

This is a bit different, but the advice is the same. I was "pantsed" by a boy in gym class (I'm female) and he pulled my underwear down with my gym shorts. All I wanted was for it to go away and for everyone to forget about it. It's wrong, regardless of gender. But the "victim" likely wants everyone to forget it ever happened.

[Anonymous]

This is sexual harrassment at most middle schools these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg, STOP!

You mentioning this to ANYONE will embarrass this boy more. You say nothing, nothing at all. He can talk to his own mom if he's embarrassed. I'd DIE if a friends mom approached me about this to discuss my feelings on pantsing.

I promise, he's already forgotten about, he'll simply make sure to get some payback on the kid who did.

#truth

The kid wants you to forget it even happened and the absolute last thing you should be doing is talking to any of these boys about it.

That is unless you want your son to be mortified that you're THAT mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Boys used to pants each other all the time when I was that age in school.

Today the response is expulsion. And yes it is a big deal. No one should ever take someone else's pants off without their consent. Personally I would have sent the boys home and called their parents.

[Anonymous]

I asked my 11 year old son what he thought - he said he would be very embarrassed and even humiliated if the boy knew that you had seen. And he thought it was unacceptable to do in general. And he is a very typical sporty a little too aggressive boy. That said, I wouldn't freak out but I would definitely reprimand the boys. Talk to your son and see if this is a regular occurrence. If so - let other parents know. If not - you yourself talk to all the boys (if you didn't already) and tell them that is not acceptable.