Curious if anyone else does this-is it weird or normal?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I am in my 40's and happily married. Good sex life and although we have our ups and downs I love him very much. We've been together a long time (20 years). I've never been unfaithful, however, I have gotten crushes (not sure how else to describe them) on people (in real life and also celebrities although for the most part they are on celebrities) and wonder if they are normal for someone my age or odd.
When I have these crushes (which over the past few years have been on celebrities and not anyone I interact with IRL) I daydream periodically about the actor/musician and spend time looking up interviews and articles about them online. I don't try to contact the celeb (I have no desire to do that), I don't want a relationship with them and am not delusional enough to think that would ever happen-I just get sort of fascinated with the person, daydream about him and seek out his movies/TV shows/music and information about them online. This lasts for a little while, it passes and them at some point I develop a crush on someone else. In the past when I've had crushes on "real life" people there might be some mild flirtation, thinking about them and looking them up online but never more than that (I never drove past anyone's house, texted or contacted the person unless it was for professional reasons or did stalker type stuff). I guess what bothers me is the amount of mental energy expended on these little crushes or fascinations. It reminds me to some degree of how I was as a pre-teen or teen when I got obsessed with a celebrity although at that point I would put posters of him on my wall, etc. lol-I haven't done that (or have wanted to do that) since I was in my late teens/early 20's at college. Do other people do this? It's something I've been kind of embarrassed about. |
Anonymous
| The way you describe it, it sounds pretty weird but no, I think this is in the realm of normal behavior. If people didn't have an interest in celebrities, there would be no such thing as a celebrity. |
Anonymous
|
Married 20 years also. Totally normal, I do it and I don't even hide it from my wife; I told her I was going to build a Kate Beckinsale shrine in my office. Crushes are normal, I know she gets them from time to time and we tease each other about it. Crushes add energy to our lives (certainly our sex life) and are a reminder of what keeps the world spinning when decades long monogamy feels a little bland sometimes. Btw: I've never been unfaithful and I don't think she has either, I'd never cheat but we both seem to love to daydream and look. |
Anonymous
| Normal. And, your spouse can reap the benefits. For instance, if you close your eyes during sex and imagine you're with your crush, you and your spouse will both have a great time! LOL. |
Anonymous
|
Totally normal AND absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.
Consider this: you have NO idea how these crushes treat THEIR wives or girlfriends. Maybe they're TERRIBLE as a long-term partner. |
Anonymous
This is the OP-thanks for the feedback. That's cool that you and your wife are able to be open and tease each other. My husband gets uptight about it and as a result I feel like these little crushes/attractions are something I need to hide from him (he doesn't like it if I mention that a male celebrity is good looking-I learned many years ago that it bothers him so I don't say anything). I don't get it as I find hearing who he thinks is attractive (celebrities-not every day life people...I don't really want to hear about that lol) entertaining but for whatever reason he doesn't like to talk about it. He comes from a very strict, very religious family and I wonder if that's where it comes from. I agree-crushes add energy to our sex life (at least on my end). A little extra energy is needed when you've been with someone monogamously for such a long time. |
Anonymous
| OP here again-just wanted to say thanks for all of the responses/feedback. It makes me feel better knowing that others find it within the realm of normal. My husband is uptight about these sort of things-I think that's part of the reason I have questioned it/felt embarrassed about it. |
Anonymous
Same! Our 20-year-old happy marriage has also survived my Kate Beckinsale crush. My wife rolls her eyes every time she catches me suffering through Van Helsing. |
Anonymous
PP again; I also had a thing for Liz Hurley but when my wife paused a spot in Austin Powers where she thought Liz looked particularly pretty it just kind of ran out of steam for me. It's like when your mom becomes best friends with your girlfriend, everything just kind of turns sour LOL. |
Anonymous
| totally normal to have crushes, though I'm not sure that the amount of mental time you are spending on your current crush is 'normal'. |
Anonymous
| Totally normal! DH teases me about my Benedict Cumberbatch crush. He'll make comments during Sherlock like "he's so dreamy". He thinks it's hilarious. |
Anonymous
| My "crushes" don't go quite so far as a whole lot of research but my hubby knows that I'm partial to Leonardo DiCaprio for example. So if we see a commercial for a movie with him, he'll say "hey, there's your other husband". We laugh and that's about it. Do I daydream about making out or having sex with Leo? No, can't say that I do. I guess if you are spending a whole lot of mental and emotional energy on it then it may be too much. Otherwise it's ok to "like" other people! |
Anonymous
| Only start worrying if you think these celebrities love you back and are secretly communicating with you (perhaps by telepathy). That's when you should seek psychological help. |
Anonymous
| Pretty normal. A couple of years ago I had a crush on a very hot female Czech tennis player. Good game, awesome body. But that passed. I don't know if my DW has ever had a similar crush but if she's had one so be it. We've been married a long time and have a great love life so no damage has been done. My DW is as hot or hotter than any of our female friends so I don't go there! |
Anonymous
|
Let me share what happened with my college going DD.
There was an absolutely hot guy at her college and she was introduced to him after she had crushed on him for one whole semester. He was unfortunately not that great when she talked to him and she was totally put off. The whole crush evaporated in minutes. Her mantra now is to avoid getting to know the drop dead gorgeous men because then the fantasy gets completely ruined if they have nothing other than their looks to recommend them. So she crushes at them from far because she needs her collection of eye-candies to sweeten her days. Crushing is normal and it is great. It shows that you have an active fantasy life. Your husband is surely benefitting from it. 
|