I know this sounds entitled but I have to vent.

[Anonymous]

My father had always claimed that there was no money to pay for my college. Okay, fine I understand that he and my mother are not rich. I went to a private high school but my godmother paid the amount of tuition that was not covered by financial aid. I currently work about 55 hrs/wk and attending an avg of 16 credits/semester to put myself through school. I'm now finding out that my dad wants to pay relative's child's 1st yr tuition for private high school to the tune of $25K.

I'm not saying I'm entitled to money for college, however I work so much and I have several mental health issues over the years while still being able to stay in school and honestly it just hurts that all along my parents were able to help me but chose not to. My mom did not know about this money that he apparently has available. However, over the years he has given "donations" to people who are involved in a particular sport that could have easily helped me (or even my mom to pay off some of her student loans or fix things around the house that my mom had to take loans to pay for). I'm just annoyed. ugh.

[Anonymous]

I understand your frustration, and I think it would be reasonable for your parents to talk to you honestly about why they are choosing to support other kids financially instead of you. (I'm not sure they owe you that explanation, but it would be good for your relationship with them if they offered it.)

I will say, though, that there's good research that shows that working through school actually has good outcomes for students. I know that's hard to see when you're in the trenches, but you are both developing and demonstrating a strong work ethic and time management skills. You also have ownership of your education that other students often don't have. Plus, your work experience may be allowing you to network--even if in really indirect ways if you're not working in your future career field.

So, in the short term, it would obviously be nice if your parents provided more for you, but in the long term, you may be better off because you've had to work so hard for yourself. I know that's little consolation in the meantime, but you don't seem to have many options other than to keep busting your tail at the moment.

[Anonymous]

Families do weird things with their money...

Friend #1: Parents gave $50k each to oldest sibling and youngest sibling as a downpayment to buy vacation properties. My friend, the middle child, got nothing because she has no children, and thus no apparent need for a vacation property.

Friend #2: was told there was no money for college and chose to go to a service academy. His 2 younger siblings then had 4 years of private college paid for by the parents.

I feel like, it's their money, so it's their choice, but man...people make some pretty crappy decisions at the detriment to some of their offspring.

[Anonymous]

I would be LIVID. I think children ARE entitled to their parents' assets. This is how we were raised. My husband and I have two children, and whatever we have is theirs, too.

I would ask your father about this and explain that you find this very hurtful. Clear the air, otherwise resentment will continue to fester. You can't change who he is, but you can express your feelings in a healthy way in order to move on.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to be mad. My heart just breaks for you. However, your parents obviously have no inclination to help you or else they would have. Get through school and move on.

[Anonymous]

My father has always believed that athletes need the benefits of family money and they shouldn't have to work because they need to put all their energy and time into their athletics.

I'm all for helping other people but I work my fingers to the bone and meanwhile it is okay for athletes to slack off just because of their talent.

[Anonymous]

Also, my mom is mad too. Once again my dad has made a decision to give a large sum of money while neglecting things in the immediate household that need to be paid for.

[Anonymous]

If this is going to eat away at you, I think there is a mature way to have the conversation, assuming your father is mature enough as well. "Dad, I'd like to talk to you about something I'm trying to understand, because I feel hurt and I don't want that to come between us. I'm struggling with working full time and paying for school while also taking care of my health and you said there was no money to help afford school, but you're now paying for Joey's tuition. I respect that your money is yours to use as you please and I'm not trying to dictate how you spend it, but I'd like to understand why you decided not to help me as well." See what he says, and if you can try to find some peace with the situation.

[Anonymous]

I'd be pissed, and I do understand the value of working through college, which I did. But, I know that my parents would've given me more money if they could. I don't understand why he can't help enough so that you don't have to work as much. I would confront him about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, my mom is mad too. Once again my dad has made a decision to give a large sum of money while neglecting things in the immediate household that need to be paid for.

He sounds like he is bitter about something. Maybe he thinks women shouldn't be educated. Or, he thinks his money is his money, he worked hard for it, took care of himself and you should do the same.

People like that hold onto that bitterness and pass it on to their kids. It's sad. I know of a dad who was like this.

[Anonymous]

I'd be SO pissed off. I mean, I would know it's not my money and they could spend it however they choose, but I would be very hurt if my parents chose to give a relative that money while not helping with my school.

$25K is not an insubstantial sum of money, and even if they could kick in $5K/year of that to help with your tuition, you might be less stressed working less while you're in school.

Can your mom help you out with this? She should have a say in how parental money is spent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is going to eat away at you, I think there is a mature way to have the conversation, assuming your father is mature enough as well. "Dad, I'd like to talk to you about something I'm trying to understand, because I feel hurt and I don't want that to come between us. I'm struggling with working full time and paying for school while also taking care of my health and you said there was no money to help afford school, but you're now paying for Joey's tuition. I respect that your money is yours to use as you please and I'm not trying to dictate how you spend it, but I'd like to understand why you decided not to help me as well." See what he says, and if you can try to find some peace with the situation.

This. It is very puzzling, the whole story. Surely there is something more going on behind it....and you deserve to know what.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If this is going to eat away at you, I think there is a mature way to have the conversation, assuming your father is mature enough as well. "Dad, I'd like to talk to you about something I'm trying to understand, because I feel hurt and I don't want that to come between us. I'm struggling with working full time and paying for school while also taking care of my health and you said there was no money to help afford school, but you're now paying for Joey's tuition. I respect that your money is yours to use as you please and I'm not trying to dictate how you spend it, but I'd like to understand why you decided not to help me as well." See what he says, and if you can try to find some peace with the situation.

This. It is very puzzling, the whole story. Surely there is something more going on behind it....and you deserve to know what.

Joey in the situation is an athlete. He wants to help an athlete get ahead.

[Anonymous]

This is so weird. Did he have athletic dreams he had to give up for financial reasons as a kid? Or something? It's like he's looking for vicarious glory...
Also weird of the relative to take the money without an honest conversation with both of your parents, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I'd be very unhappy too! My mother did weird things with money. Told me point blank she would not chip in for wedding and then got mad when we eloped. For one sibling she offered to pay only for the guests that mom invited to sinlong's wedding. Offered to pay for ONE grandchild (only) to go to private school. It caused some bitterness and resentment.

I try to be very open with money decisions with my own kids including explanations to try to lessen hurt feelings and miscommunications.