I know this sounds entitled but I have to vent.

[Anonymous]

Financial circumstances can change rapidly. My parents couldn't help me with college or a first car, but years later were able to help their grandkids and they did.

There can also be special needs you may not know about. My former in-laws paid for private alternative HS for their gay grandson to reduce bullying. All his sibs went to public. My best friend's MIL is paying for one grandchild to go to private, but none of the other GC (from her two other DC) because my friend's son has some issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Financial circumstances can change rapidly. My parents couldn't help me with college or a first car, but years later were able to help their grandkids and they did.

There can also be special needs you may not know about. My former in-laws paid for private alternative HS for their gay grandson to reduce bullying. All his sibs went to public. My best friend's MIL is paying for one grandchild to go to private, but none of the other GC (from her two other DC) because my friend's son has some issues.

But the best people explain their intentions to their loved ones so that no one thinks they've been neglected. It's all about communication!

[Anonymous]

So your dad had this money all along? And did not disclose it on the financial aid form for your High School?

What else is he hiding?

[Anonymous]

You have every right to be bitter and sad about this. No, you aren't entitled to anything, but this kind of decision hurts. Your father is a terrible father to you.

[Anonymous]

I know how you feel. My father sent my brother to a private school and then to an Ivy and I went to a public school and then to a college that would give me a big scholarship. It was not my top pick. I never knew why but I assume (this was in the 70's) that he was a boy and I was a girl - just sexist. I did well in school, got an MBA and I've done fine so I can't complain but I do wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have every right to be bitter and sad about this. No, you aren't entitled to anything, but this kind of decision hurts. Your father is a terrible father to you.

+1. It's not that you feel entitled, it's that you feel like your father thinks another person's future is a more important investment than yours. I'm sorry, OP. This has nothing to do with your worth or potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If this is going to eat away at you, I think there is a mature way to have the conversation, assuming your father is mature enough as well. "Dad, I'd like to talk to you about something I'm trying to understand, because I feel hurt and I don't want that to come between us. I'm struggling with working full time and paying for school while also taking care of my health and you said there was no money to help afford school, but you're now paying for Joey's tuition. I respect that your money is yours to use as you please and I'm not trying to dictate how you spend it, but I'd like to understand why you decided not to help me as well." See what he says, and if you can try to find some peace with the situation.

Op, this sounds like a great script to get the conversation started. Come back and let us know how it went.

[Anonymous]

Your dad sounds like a jerk. It doesn't sound fair or right that he puts others ahead of you in choosing who he helps, and that he treats your mother so badly, hiding what should be the family's money and power-tripping with it. You don't sound entitled, and you have a right to feel as you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Financial circumstances can change rapidly. My parents couldn't help me with college or a first car, but years later were able to help their grandkids and they did.

There can also be special needs you may not know about. My former in-laws paid for private alternative HS for their gay grandson to reduce bullying. All his sibs went to public. My best friend's MIL is paying for one grandchild to go to private, but none of the other GC (from her two other DC) because my friend's son has some issues.

But the best people explain their intentions to their loved ones so that no one thinks they've been neglected. It's all about communication!

The best people assume good intentions in the decisions their loved ones make and don't require explanations that might violate another relative's privacy whether financial, medical, or whatever.

[Anonymous]

You are not acting entitled. You're not his responsibility any longerr, but it's still a slap in the face to give $25000 to someone else's child over your own. And when you were his responsibility, he must have cried poor because someone else paid for your education!

What he is doing to his wife is even worse. That is marital property. Does he keep secret accounts unknown to his wife? Not allow her access to their money? I hope your mother has income of her own.

Your father's priorities aren't straight. He's choosing to hurt the people who should be closest to him.

[Anonymous]

I have kind of a similar situation, though I am now nearly 20 years out of college.
My parents paid for some portions of my college--it was a state school so tuition alone was about $1,000 per semester. They gave me a housing allowance that covered about 2/3 of the rent on an average apartment in the area. They would not give me that money if I chose to live in the dorms. So I was responsible for
-1/3 rent
-books and other supplies
-food
-utilities
-transportation

My younger brothers got EVERYTHING fully paid at private universities (American University and Tulane.)

They were only a few years younger than me--my parents financial situation had not significantly changed or anything.

So--the way I look at it...when they get too old to take care of themselves and need help...I will give them the same kind of "help" they gave me, in relationship to my brothers. As far as I'm concerned, my brothers should shoulder WAY more of the responsibility in that area.

[Anonymous]

Is there any chance this kid is his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there any chance this kid is his?

That's my thought and he's paying to keep it a secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My father had always claimed that there was no money to pay for my college. Okay, fine I understand that he and my mother are not rich. I went to a private high school but my godmother paid the amount of tuition that was not covered by financial aid. I currently work about 55 hrs/wk and attending an avg of 16 credits/semester to put myself through school. I'm now finding out that my dad wants to pay relative's child's 1st yr tuition for private high school to the tune of $25K.

I'm not saying I'm entitled to money for college, however I work so much and I have several mental health issues over the years while still being able to stay in school and honestly it just hurts that all along my parents were able to help me but chose not to. My mom did not know about this money that he apparently has available. However, over the years he has given "donations" to people who are involved in a particular sport that could have easily helped me (or even my mom to pay off some of her student loans or fix things around the house that my mom had to take loans to pay for). I'm just annoyed. ugh.

Maybe he thinks he's paying it forward?

Someone paid for your private high school which probably helped you get into a decent college, maybe he sees it as him returning the favor.

[Anonymous]

How did you do in high school?

Were you a top student or were you a slacker?

If you were a slacker, I understand him not giving you money for college to squander.