VENT: Annoyed by sister's gift list for nephew

[Anonymous]

My older sister had kids several years before I did, and our younger brother has not had kids yet. Starting from when her kids were really little (i.e. before they could possibly have had their own wish lists), she's always sent a gift wish list. In retrospect, I guess it was kind of tacky...but honestly, with no kids or many friends with kids it's kind of helpful. Nephew is now turning 8, however, and he obviously is now making his own list. I think the one she sent most recently was prefaced by saying one of us had asked for suggestions so she was sending to everyone, and I'm honestly not really bothered by her sending a list.

What I am bothered by, however, is that the cheapest thing, and the only item under $50, on the list is $45 (without tax etc), and several things are over $100. Maybe I'm cheap, but we aim to spend $30-40 on kids' gifts. It's not a money issue, it's just what feels right to me. It's also what we spend on DH's niece and nephew.

Am I crazy to feel like she should maybe be instilling a little more awareness of these things in my nephew and suggesting that if he's putting together a wish list for his relatives that it include some less expensive items? Or am I just out-of-touch level of cheap? It's very apparent that she does not spend anywhere close to this amount on our kids (which is fine with me).

[Anonymous]

I send my family a wish list. We don't have a lot of money, and it's easier for everyone if they just send things that we need or really really wish for.

But I do agree with you about the price thing, it's insensitive. Can you drop a word in her ear about it?

[Anonymous]

A wish list is not a registry. Don't feel like you have to buy exactly those items. If he wants a bunch of starwars stuff, then fine, look for something like that it your price range. Include a gift receipt and don't spend an extra minute worrying about this.

[Anonymous]

I think the wish list is fine. But you're right about the amounts. I thought it was general rule that wish lists, like registries, including items in a wide price range.

I'd stay within your budget. If he wants a $50 Lego set, buy him a smaller one in your price range.

[Anonymous]

I go "off-list" sometimes. I just include a gift receipt and don't worry about it. If a wish list is too expensive for me, I use it to get an idea of what a child is into.

[Anonymous]

One idea is simply to ask her son if he prefers that you buy something as a shared gift with one of your siblings given the cost of the items on this list, or would he prefer you go off list for a present in the price range you were thinking. Let him start thinking about what he puts on his list!

[Anonymous]

OP I do see your point of view. Too expensive! And also doesn't teach the kid the right lesson, but that's for another post.

But how does her list work? I mean, assuming this is an email and not a formal registry, then if he's got 10 things on there, and it's sent to 10 people, and they all buy him #2, then doesn't he get 10 of the same gift?

[Anonymous]

My family does Amazon wish lists. My oldest niece started controlling what was on hers at maybe 6 year old. She would then get really upset if she got something not on the list, despite ultimately liking the thing she got after the fact. It was a really important lesson for her that a wish list is not an entitlement list, and she is much better now 5 years later. But I'm the stubborn uncle that wouldn't ever buy off the list after the first incident. Though now I sometimes do since she has learned to be more gracious. So I say, buy what you are comfortable with, include a gift receipt, and don't worry about it too much.

[Anonymous]

Send a gift card in the amount you want to spend to one of the stores/retailers that carries the item he wants. So, if he wants a certain toy at Toys 'R Us, that's the gift card; if he wants a video game off of Amazon, that's the gift card. Do that with something low-key but fun like a few boxes of movie-size candy or those cute flavor sprinkles you put on popcorn.

[Anonymous]

I would ask your brother if he wants to go in on something together.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you don't like getting the list with the expensive items then you should respond (or be preemptive by telling her up front) with your budget and ask for suggestions within that amount.

[Anonymous]

I would just get a $40 Visa gift card and send it. He can apply the gift card towards whatever he wants.

[Anonymous]

You are not out of touch or cheap. Your sister is tacky for, 1 the dollar amounts of the gifts, 2 sending the gift list to everyone because one person asked for suggestions.

[Anonymous]

I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A wish list is not a registry. Don't feel like you have to buy exactly those items. If he wants a bunch of starwars stuff, then fine, look for something like that it your price range. Include a gift receipt and don't spend an extra minute worrying about this.

This. Your sister should have had him add some cheaper items. Just spend what feels right to you. An 8-year-old doesn't need expensive gifts.