VENT: Annoyed by sister's gift list for nephew

[Anonymous]

I don't really mind the expensive wish lists, because I have no intention of spending outside my budget, and the wish list at least gives me an idea of what the kid is currently interested in.

[Anonymous]

I think your sister should still be managing the list. I have a soon to be 7 year old and when she hears about a toy that she's interested in or plays with something at another kid's house, I tell her we will put it on her list of gift suggestions or she can ask Santa for it or we talk about how it's a really expensive thing so asking for it from other people is not appropriate, but I most definitely still control the list and make sure it has a wide range of things in all price points and I would NEVER give it to someone that didn't ask for suggestions.

[Anonymous]

We always spend $100. You sound a bit cheap, especially since you don't even have your own expensive kids.

[Anonymous]

Just give a card with money and tell the kid to save it so he can buy the toy that he wants. He is 8, it's possible that those are the toys that he really like, although it's good to have an idea what the kid wants, you are not obliged to give in. I have been in this situation before and just gave money to the kid, who knows, they might actually learn how to manage their own money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always spend $100. You sound a bit cheap, especially since you don't even have your own expensive kids.

I have 20 nieces and nephews. I target 15 - 35 dollars for birthday gifts. $100 is outside of my budget - but I am glad you have the means to do this.

[Anonymous]

I like the gift card idea to a store. Or going in with your brother on a more expensive gift. We do that sometimes in our family where my sister and I will chip in for an expensive gift for our parents. But a wish list is by no means an obligation, especially with 20 nieces and nephews (wow, that's a lot!!!!)

[Anonymous]

Get him a gift card that he can put toward buying what he wants. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My older sister had kids several years before I did, and our younger brother has not had kids yet. Starting from when her kids were really little (i.e. before they could possibly have had their own wish lists), she's always sent a gift wish list. In retrospect, I guess it was kind of tacky...but honestly, with no kids or many friends with kids it's kind of helpful. Nephew is now turning 8, however, and he obviously is now making his own list. I think the one she sent most recently was prefaced by saying one of us had asked for suggestions so she was sending to everyone, and I'm honestly not really bothered by her sending a list.

What I am bothered by, however, is that the cheapest thing, and the only item under $50, on the list is $45 (without tax etc), and several things are over $100. Maybe I'm cheap, but we aim to spend $30-40 on kids' gifts. It's not a money issue, it's just what feels right to me. It's also what we spend on DH's niece and nephew.

Am I crazy to feel like she should maybe be instilling a little more awareness of these things in my nephew and suggesting that if he's putting together a wish list for his relatives that it include some less expensive items? Or am I just out-of-touch level of cheap? It's very apparent that she does not spend anywhere close to this amount on our kids (which is fine with me).

First question: No, you're not crazy. She should be instilling a little more awareness and sensitivity in your nephew.
Second question: No, you're not out-of-touch cheap. $30-40 sounds about right.
And, FWIW, totally fine to go off-list. I wouldn't even ask the sister or nephew about it; just go off list. A wish list is just that -- a "wish"!

[Anonymous]

My son has a wish list, but I only send it to people who ask. the things on the list range from $5 to $100, with most items in the $10-$20 range. I have three nieces and nephews and usually spend between $30-$50 on each one. I think it's bonkers that everything on your sister's list is so expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We always spend $100. You sound a bit cheap, especially since you don't even have your own expensive kids.

I'm OP. I have 2 kids. One of them has medical issues that are likely to become increasingly expensive.

That said, I can afford $100 gifts. It just feels excessive for a little kid.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks all (er, most) for reassuring me that I'm not nuts. I was starting to wonder. My sister and I have other issues between us surrounding money which makes this worse. It's not about owing each other money, but when I was a grad student I often felt that she was totally insensitive and uncompromising in terms of understanding that I was living off a $20K stipend in a much higher COL area than her.

Back to the question, at had. The list was basically all Star Wars Lego Sets. Any suggestions for sets in the $30-40 range?

Going in with my brother is not an option, since he happily spends money on expensive gifts (no kids, and he just has a different perspective on this).

[Anonymous]

I'm fine with the list. But if I were you, I'd just buy something age appropriate in your price range. Do not spend more than you want simply because the list was all high price items.

Sounds like he could use some books as gifts.

[Anonymous]

I think you can get a Star Wars Lego Set in that range at Target. My son and I were looking the other day and they had ones at differenct price points.

Wrap with gift receipt. If he already has it, he can easily return it and get another or store card, etc.

I agonize over gifts, but usually the receiver isn't putting as much mental energy as we are. It's the thought that counts, remember that.

[Anonymous]

That's better than my SIL who sent my brother and I a list of gifts that she had ALREADY PURCHASED with a note that we each owed her checks for $100.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks all (er, most) for reassuring me that I'm not nuts. I was starting to wonder. My sister and I have other issues between us surrounding money which makes this worse. It's not about owing each other money, but when I was a grad student I often felt that she was totally insensitive and uncompromising in terms of understanding that I was living off a $20K stipend in a much higher COL area than her.

Back to the question, at had. The list was basically all Star Wars Lego Sets. Any suggestions for sets in the $30-40 range?

Going in with my brother is not an option, since he happily spends money on expensive gifts (no kids, and he just has a different perspective on this).

Again, some more: Gift card or cash in the amount you want to spend, along with something fun like a big box of candy. You don't have to run all over looking for some set or other.