My toddler had a meltdown and scared an older kid with SN
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Anonymous
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While out shopping with my toddler this weekend, he had a small meltdown (I had said no to something and stuck to my guns). He cried, not particularly loudly, and it was over within 5 minutes or so. But standing next to us in line was a mom with her son. He looked to be a teenager (13-15 years old maybe) and based on his behavior and what happened next, I assume he was autistic or some other special needs. As I was consoling my toddler (ie, telling him that I sympathized with his frustration but the answer was no), the older boy started to get very upset. The mom kept trying to get my attention to tell me that he was upset at seeing my toddler upset. I didn't know what to do, I was basically trapped in the line. I told her I was sorry and then I continued to manage my toddler but she kept trying to get my attention to explain it to me. To be clear, my toddler was not particularly loud and it lasted less than 5 minutes. But the other boy got really distressed so other people started staring. As soon as the line moved along I got out of it and moved away (although at that point my toddler had gotten over it).
I get it, the mom was trying to deal the best she could and it can't be easy. But it made me feel really guilty that my toddler was the cause of her son's very visible distress. I am not sure how else I could have handled it. It felt like a very long 5 minutes! |
Anonymous
So why not give her your attention for a minute? If you toddler wasn't that upset, and you were focused on her, you don't really know what she wanted. Were you looking for a pat on the back for handling it well? Because that's not really what it sounds like. |
Anonymous
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Are you sure you aren't misinterpreting what the other mom was trying to do?
She was probably concerned with other people giving her funny looks because her 13 year old was melting down, she was probably trying to explain to other people that her son has special needs and your baby crying was upsetting her kid. Try not to over analyze things. |
Anonymous
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How much attention did your toddler need? Yes, first time mom of 1 child you get a special pat on the back for managing a melt down in public.
Where should we send your award? |
Anonymous
| How can you possibly know what the mother was trying to do since you didn't even give her the time of day? Seriously, stop over analyzing and "guessing" what was going on since you have no clue. I know you're looking for some little pat on the back, but I"m not going to give it to you. If your kid had calmed down, would it have killed you to see what she was trying to get your attention about? I don't really get posts like yours. You invented the whole scenario in your head and posted for what reason exactly? So we'd all say "you're such a good mom! don't worry about her! " |
Anonymous
| How were you "trapped in line" and how could you not give the mom 5 minutes of your attention? |
Anonymous
| What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started? |
Anonymous
Who knows. OP sounds overly dramatic and needing of attention |
Anonymous
The line for the best mom in the world award. |
Anonymous
Clearly you did not read the post PP. It was a QUIET meltdown. People only started staring because the other kid was making a scene. Not her kid. Apparently she's a perfect parent whose toddler only had quiet meltdowns that no one else notices. |
Anonymous
I need to get lessons on how to get my kid to have a quiet meltdown. Sign me up. |
Anonymous
I have never typed this before but L O L (I literally laughed out loud). |
Anonymous
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OP here - it's not that I think I am mom of the year, only that I had not experienced this before. I did give the other mom my attention, I apologized to her when she explained that her son was upset at seeing my toddler upset. But she was mainly focused on managing her son. It was short in duration and a bit confusing. Both of us were managing our kids and then sort of trying to communicate at the same time.
I only mentioned the volume of my toddler to say that it was not drawing any attention until her son started to get upset. We were both trapped in line because there were carts and people in front of us and behind us (she and her son were directly behind us) and on either side of us are the sides of the check out aisle - so you can't really move or leave without making everyone else move. I was not looking for a pat on the back, just some perspective since this was my first such experience, that is all. Thanks for your responses. |
Anonymous
It's probably not so much the difference in volume as it is that toddlers having tantrums attract less attention than autistic teenagers having meltdowns. (A tantrum is when a child wants something they can't have, a meltdown is when a person is so overloaded with sensory input they can't deal). So, now you know how sucky it is to have a child do something that causes everyone to stare at you and you'll be extra kind and considerate the next time that happens near/around you. |
Anonymous
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It's the real world. Her son will have the same issues with other things that happen which can't be controlled. Not your fault.
I have a SN brother and he's learned to deal with it because the real world is like that, and we cant' always control it for him. |