My toddler had a meltdown and scared an older kid with SN

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Do you leave the line when your child has a tantrum? All out meltdown, maybe. Toddler tantrum, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Do you leave the line when your child has a tantrum? All out meltdown, maybe. Toddler tantrum, no.

NP. Yeah, I actually would. Especially if his behavior was clearly disturbing people around us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While out shopping with my toddler this weekend, he had a small meltdown (I had said no to something and stuck to my guns). He cried, not particularly loudly, and it was over within 5 minutes or so. But standing next to us in line was a mom with her son. He looked to be a teenager (13-15 years old maybe) and based on his behavior and what happened next, I assume he was autistic or some other special needs. As I was consoling my toddler (ie, telling him that I sympathized with his frustration but the answer was no), the older boy started to get very upset. The mom kept trying to get my attention to tell me that he was upset at seeing my toddler upset. I didn't know what to do, I was basically trapped in the line. I told her I was sorry and then I continued to manage my toddler but she kept trying to get my attention to explain it to me. To be clear, my toddler was not particularly loud and it lasted less than 5 minutes. But the other boy got really distressed so other people started staring. As soon as the line moved along I got out of it and moved away (although at that point my toddler had gotten over it).

I get it, the mom was trying to deal the best she could and it can't be easy. But it made me feel really guilty that my toddler was the cause of her son's very visible distress. I am not sure how else I could have handled it. It felt like a very long 5 minutes!

[Anonymous]

I think we've all been there, whether with NT toddlers or SN children of all ages. I have had both and currently have an SN twenty-something DD who has been melting down often lately. We all have to get groceries and I have had a crying child trigger my DD and it isn't fun for anyone in line. This is what I would recommend, OP: tell your child no and the reason once and then ignore the tantrum while you get your grocery business done. By consoling and repeating yourself, you are actually reinforcing the behavior. You then can talk to the adults, like the checker or the mom who was trying to explain what was going on with her SN teen. It is her job to handle her child and you should not feel guilty for your child upsetting hers. I appreciate posts like yours because, all too often, people don't care enough to ask and would rather judge us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While out shopping with my toddler this weekend, he had a small meltdown (I had said no to something and stuck to my guns). He cried, not particularly loudly, and it was over within 5 minutes or so. But standing next to us in line was a mom with her son. He looked to be a teenager (13-15 years old maybe) and based on his behavior and what happened next, I assume he was autistic or some other special needs. As I was consoling my toddler (ie, telling him that I sympathized with his frustration but the answer was no), the older boy started to get very upset. The mom kept trying to get my attention to tell me that he was upset at seeing my toddler upset. I didn't know what to do, I was basically trapped in the line. I told her I was sorry and then I continued to manage my toddler but she kept trying to get my attention to explain it to me. To be clear, my toddler was not particularly loud and it lasted less than 5 minutes. But the other boy got really distressed so other people started staring. As soon as the line moved along I got out of it and moved away (although at that point my toddler had gotten over it).

I get it, the mom was trying to deal the best she could and it can't be easy. But it made me feel really guilty that my toddler was the cause of her son's very visible distress. I am not sure how else I could have handled it. It felt like a very long 5 minutes!

I'm sure it felt like an even longer 5 minutes to the other boy who was clearly upset by your son's behavior, his mother, and anyone else who had to deal with it.

It's great that you didn't give into your child's demands (that's what parenting is about, and not enough parents do enough of it) but the answer to your question is that you were supposed to push your shopping cart to the side as much as you can, grab your purse and your kid's hand, and lead your kid away from the people that he's disturbing. Even if that means going outside the store and standing on the sidewalk. You explain to your child that the behavior isn't appropriate and that you won't be returning until your kid settles down. And if you can't go back in, because your kid doesn't settle down, then you take away a favorite toy or do whatever else you need to do that's in line with the way that you discipline your children.

The other people in the line will wait for you (probably even inch your cart up in front of them as they move forward) unless there is a big gap in front and the cashier is ready, in which case you might move down one or two spots in the line and the experience costs you a few minutes. That's the price of teaching your child a lesson and being a decent citizen. The world will keep spinning, and your child will learn to be a decent citizen too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Clearly you did not read the post PP. It was a QUIET meltdown. People only started staring because the other kid was making a scene. Not her kid. Apparently she's a perfect parent whose toddler only had quiet meltdowns that no one else notices.

I need to get lessons on how to get my kid to have a quiet meltdown. Sign me up.

My DD had a temper tantrum that involved her laying down on her stomach on the floor of a store. She was silent. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood near her so nobody would step on her accidentally. After maybe a minute or 90 seconds she got up and acted normally. It wasn't until I described it to a friend that she told me "That was DD's version of a temper tantrum."

Also, a line at the super market can trap you physically, if everyone has shoppigng carts.

Not if you say to people "Please move. I need to see to my child."

I can't imagine any customer keeping you stuck there against your will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Clearly you did not read the post PP. It was a QUIET meltdown. People only started staring because the other kid was making a scene. Not her kid. Apparently she's a perfect parent whose toddler only had quiet meltdowns that no one else notices.

I need to get lessons on how to get my kid to have a quiet meltdown. Sign me up.

My DD had a temper tantrum that involved her laying down on her stomach on the floor of a store. She was silent. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood near her so nobody would step on her accidentally. After maybe a minute or 90 seconds she got up and acted normally. It wasn't until I described it to a friend that she told me "That was DD's version of a temper tantrum."

Also, a line at the super market can trap you physically, if everyone has shoppigng carts.

Not if you say to people "Please move. I need to see to my child."

I can't imagine any customer keeping you stuck there against your will.

Maybe if it was a crazy long wait. This expectation of children being silent in public or leave immediately is cuckoo. Five minutes is a manageable time frame. If someone is especially sensitive to noise they are also capable of removing themselves if a few moments of crying is too long. Certainly if the child was not able to calm down or it was a more serious and lengthy tantrum it would be better to leave the common space, but not for a five minute upset. Especially for a preverbal kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Clearly you did not read the post PP. It was a QUIET meltdown. People only started staring because the other kid was making a scene. Not her kid. Apparently she's a perfect parent whose toddler only had quiet meltdowns that no one else notices.

I need to get lessons on how to get my kid to have a quiet meltdown. Sign me up.

My DD had a temper tantrum that involved her laying down on her stomach on the floor of a store. She was silent. I didn't know what to do, so I just stood near her so nobody would step on her accidentally. After maybe a minute or 90 seconds she got up and acted normally. It wasn't until I described it to a friend that she told me "That was DD's version of a temper tantrum."

Also, a line at the super market can trap you physically, if everyone has shoppigng carts.

Not if you say to people "Please move. I need to see to my child."

I can't imagine any customer keeping you stuck there against your will.

You don't even need to say "please move". If you pick up your crying kid or grab him by the hand and look like you're going to lead him somewhere else, a simple "excuse me, please" will probably do the trick to get people to make way for you to get through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Do you leave the line when your child has a tantrum? All out meltdown, maybe. Toddler tantrum, no.

NP. Yeah, I actually would. Especially if his behavior was clearly disturbing people around us.

Not if you need those groceries. Unless you have to physically restrain him, it makes more sense to just let him cry and finish your shopping.

[Anonymous]

I would have left. Simply to be more gracious to the other mother who probably deals with her son being upset much more often than I have to. If I could make her life easier for just a moment, then I would. Even if that means leaving my cart and groceries. It just seems like the kind thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the real world. Her son will have the same issues with other things that happen which can't be controlled. Not your fault.

I have a SN brother and he's learned to deal with it because the real world is like that, and we cant' always control it for him.

+1 There are behavioral strategies that the teen's mom can use to help him stay calm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have left. Simply to be more gracious to the other mother who probably deals with her son being upset much more often than I have to. If I could make her life easier for just a moment, then I would. Even if that means leaving my cart and groceries. It just seems like the kind thing to do.

You are a kind person but it really isn't necessary.

[Anonymous]

Special needs mom here.

I don't think you are obligated to do anything but what I would like more than anything is just a friendly smile or friendly eye contact. So many people treat me and my child as if we are totally invisible.

[Anonymous]

I think what annoyed me about your post is that you made it seem like the SN mom trying to get your attention wasn't worth spending 2 seconds to make eye contact with, yet you blather on about your rock star comforting of a toddler (which is basic parenting). How about wake up to what's going on around you? Your kid isn't the center of the universe - and if you treat him as such, we will just have another spoiled brat among us. Like you seem to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of a line could you not escape the moment the tantrum started?

Do you leave the line when your child has a tantrum? All out meltdown, maybe. Toddler tantrum, no.

NP. Yeah, I actually would. Especially if his behavior was clearly disturbing people around us.

Exactly. This is what I always did. It's called being considerate.

But I have to deal with parents who take their screaming toddlers shopping around naptime and act as though nothing is happening. Pay attention to your child's schedule and to how your decisions affect other people. And yes, I WILL glare at you.