If women didn't exist...

[Anonymous]

Just thinking about the "mental load" and how much of it is stuff that truly has to be done (dinner planned, childcare organized) vs how much is social niceties (gift giving, thank you and holiday cards, assisting a sick friend). On the social niceties side what do you think would entirely disappear if women were gone and men either picked up the ball or let it drop? I think for the most part all gift giving, thank you notes, and all holiday celebration beyond the meal (decorations, events) would pretty much disappear because most men just don't care whether or not these things are done

[Anonymous]

In my house, all of it. My husband doesn't think so, but it would be quite an adjustment for him if I poofed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my house, all of it. My husband doesn't think so, but it would be quite an adjustment for him if I poofed.

But what would he decide needs to happen and do himself vs what would he not care at all about? I'm a women and feel like social customs create a lot of work for women but women are also largely the only ones that care that they get done. I don't know a single man that noticies or cares if he gets a thank you note for a wedding present and would be thrilled if thank you notes ceased to exist

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled if things like thank you notes disappeared. But much of the stuff that women usually handle makes life nicer or is necessary. The kids need to get to the dentist and holiday celebrations are lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, all of it. My husband doesn't think so, but it would be quite an adjustment for him if I poofed.

But what would he decide needs to happen and do himself vs what would he not care at all about? I'm a women and feel like social customs create a lot of work for women but women are also largely the only ones that care that they get done. I don't know a single man that noticies or cares if he gets a thank you note for a wedding present and would be thrilled if thank you notes ceased to exist

I'm sure mine would grocery shop, but fail to remember key ingredients. He may learn to sit down and make a list.

With that said, he'd probably run out of soap, toothpaste, Tide, paper towel - nearly everything, before he remembered to write it down and start making lists.

Nobody would be mailed cards. Thank you, Birthday, holiday, or otherwise.

My husband was still asking what time our children got out of school in June.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, all of it. My husband doesn't think so, but it would be quite an adjustment for him if I poofed.

But what would he decide needs to happen and do himself vs what would he not care at all about? I'm a women and feel like social customs create a lot of work for women but women are also largely the only ones that care that they get done. I don't know a single man that noticies or cares if he gets a thank you note for a wedding present and would be thrilled if thank you notes ceased to exist

I'm sure mine would grocery shop, but fail to remember key ingredients. He may learn to sit down and make a list.

With that said, he'd probably run out of soap, toothpaste, Tide, paper towel - nearly everything, before he remembered to write it down and start making lists.

Nobody would be mailed cards. Thank you, Birthday, holiday, or otherwise.

My husband was still asking what time our children got out of school in June.

I'm repeatedly amazed about what my dh doesn't know about our family life. I've told him he'll need to get a bookkeeper if I die - he has no idea what bills we have or don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking about the "mental load" and how much of it is stuff that truly has to be done (dinner planned, childcare organized) vs how much is social niceties (gift giving, thank you and holiday cards, assisting a sick friend). On the social niceties side what do you think would entirely disappear if women were gone and men either picked up the ball or let it drop? I think for the most part all gift giving, thank you notes, and all holiday celebration beyond the meal (decorations, events) would pretty much disappear because most men just don't care whether or not these things are done

OP, life is not just "mental load" stuff. There are many "physical load" things that need to be taken care of. If you really take account of all that stuff like home repairs and maintenance, lawn, car upkeep, etc. then you realize that everyone plays an important part. Instead of wondering about who would do the things that you currently do, think about who would do the things your DH does if he wasn't there. A well maintained, safe home is probably the most important thing...without that, everything you mentioned above wouldn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my house, all of it. My husband doesn't think so, but it would be quite an adjustment for him if I poofed.

But what would he decide needs to happen and do himself vs what would he not care at all about? I'm a women and feel like social customs create a lot of work for women but women are also largely the only ones that care that they get done. I don't know a single man that noticies or cares if he gets a thank you note for a wedding present and would be thrilled if thank you notes ceased to exist

I'm sure mine would grocery shop, but fail to remember key ingredients. He may learn to sit down and make a list.

With that said, he'd probably run out of soap, toothpaste, Tide, paper towel - nearly everything, before he remembered to write it down and start making lists.

Nobody would be mailed cards. Thank you, Birthday, holiday, or otherwise.

My husband was still asking what time our children got out of school in June.

So he didn't use any of that stuff when he was single?

I still remember a girl at work asking me, back when I was single, whether I knew how to load a dishwasher and put the right detergent in it. I was like, "yeah, who the hell do you think does that for me back at my apartment -- the cat?"

Men get by just fine without female help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Men get by just fine without female help.

LOL...I'm hardly a feminist (DCUM would be horrified by what a traditional wife I am), but...lol.

Seriously, this is funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Men get by just fine without female help.

LOL...I'm hardly a feminist (DCUM would be horrified by what a traditional wife I am), but...lol.

Seriously, this is funny.

I think this is true in my house. Sure, my DH would do things differently than I do (i.e. keeping dirty dishes in the sink) but he'd figure all the stuff out. He's the one who reminds me that we need a Costco run.

[Anonymous]

Op here - jeez this wasn't a men suck thread. More just curiousity of people's opinion on how much of the work women do, women are really the only ones that care about it an perpetuate it. Sure men appreciate receiving a gift, but in general would gift giving go away? Over the top kids parties? Perfectly decorated houses? There's work men create for themselves also that would likely dissapear if they dissapeared also bc it's not as important to most women (for my house that'd be throwing big BBQs, having great landscaping, and touching up dings on the car - sure I appreciate it but don't value it enough that I'd take on this work myself to keep these things going)

[Anonymous]

DH here...

women are all about the drama and one upmanship...

so, while we may not really appreciate the little things like thank you cards or even gifts, they are not the kinds of things that are really earth shattering or important. Over the top kids parties are just a way for the the wives to out-do each other.

We do however understand that the things you trivialize (car maintenance, home maintenance, ect) are much more important than thank you notes and gifts, and even to a point, getting larla to soccer practice.

And yes I have organized and cooked dinner parties for the family and friends that did not involve propane or charcoal grills.

So we are capable....but yeah we really don't care about your super flambe salmon soufflé and would rather just have a some beef tenderloin on the grille with a baked potato. And in all honesty, so would most of your guests

[Anonymous]

Having been raised by my Dad I'd say thank you cards, remembering other people on their occasions, entertaining, and regularly keeping in touch - relationships stuff - would be out the window. Also decorating. He was an engineer so it probably goes double.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here...

women are all about the drama and one upmanship...

so, while we may not really appreciate the little things like thank you cards or even gifts, they are not the kinds of things that are really earth shattering or important. Over the top kids parties are just a way for the the wives to out-do each other.

We do however understand that the things you trivialize (car maintenance, home maintenance, ect) are much more important than thank you notes and gifts, and even to a point, getting larla to soccer practice.

And yes I have organized and cooked dinner parties for the family and friends that did not involve propane or charcoal grills.

So we are capable....but yeah we really don't care about your super flambe salmon soufflé and would rather just have a some beef tenderloin on the grille with a baked potato. And in all honesty, so would most of your guests

I'd rather have salmon.

[Anonymous]

Well, the greeting card industry would certainly go out of business. As would florists. Aesthetics would fly out the window and everything would pretty much look like crap. Gay men would have to pick up all the slack.