If women didn't exist...

[Anonymous]

You all should talk to some single dads. They figure it out. Particularly single dads of young girls figure out how to do the things that young girls are drawn to.

I WISH thank you notes would disappear. As for the rest of it...I think if one spouse is mad dishes while the other thinks fixing the toilet seat is more important than soccer practice than the problem is less with your gender roles and more with your marriage.

People rise to the expectations set for them.

[Anonymous]

Kids would never get signed up for summer camp because no sane man would think to do a summer signup in December or January. Rec class signups would probably nosedive, too.

(at least this is my experience.)

[Anonymous]

In general, kids would be more free range and probably also would have more significant accidents. Every time I see a toddler alone in the deep end of the pool or a kid left in a running car or a baby wandering alone at Target, it's because dad is in charge. Not all men, I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In general, kids would be more free range and probably also would have more significant accidents. Every time I see a toddler alone in the deep end of the pool or a kid left in a running car or a baby wandering alone at Target, it's because dad is in charge. Not all men, I know.

I think there are good aspects of this. A population of kids that had more significant accidents while growing up is likely a sturdier and more self reliant population. The trade off of course is less kids make it (but not significantly so) but this is a mixed bag criticism IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just thinking about the "mental load" and how much of it is stuff that truly has to be done (dinner planned, childcare organized) vs how much is social niceties (gift giving, thank you and holiday cards, assisting a sick friend). On the social niceties side what do you think would entirely disappear if women were gone and men either picked up the ball or let it drop? I think for the most part all gift giving, thank you notes, and all holiday celebration beyond the meal (decorations, events) would pretty much disappear because most men just don't care whether or not these things are done

While I would not do as great a job, I am an active participant, none of it would disappear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, kids would be more free range and probably also would have more significant accidents. Every time I see a toddler alone in the deep end of the pool or a kid left in a running car or a baby wandering alone at Target, it's because dad is in charge. Not all men, I know.

I think there are good aspects of this. A population of kids that had more significant accidents while growing up is likely a sturdier and more self reliant population. The trade off of course is less kids make it (but not significantly so) but this is a mixed bag criticism IMO.

I don't know. My DH is way more protective of DD (1yo) than I am. She's our 3rd and I'm like "eh, cat kibble isn't poison".

I wish thank you cards would go away. I tell people thank you. Why do I also need to send a card?

I wish over the top birthday parties would go away. I love the ones where it's basically, come over and hang out, throw some water balloons, and here's some home made cake & ice cream.

I think home design would change. I think men would have no use for formal dining rooms and living rooms and huge master bedrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH here...

women are all about the drama and one upmanship...

so, while we may not really appreciate the little things like thank you cards or even gifts, they are not the kinds of things that are really earth shattering or important. Over the top kids parties are just a way for the the wives to out-do each other.

We do however understand that the things you trivialize (car maintenance, home maintenance, ect) are much more important than thank you notes and gifts, and even to a point, getting larla to soccer practice.

And yes I have organized and cooked dinner parties for the family and friends that did not involve propane or charcoal grills.

So we are capable....but yeah we really don't care about your super flambe salmon soufflé and would rather just have a some beef tenderloin on the grille with a baked potato. And in all honesty, so would most of your guests

You and the other PP are assuming that men do the home and car maintenance. In my home, it's all me. The mental load, the car maintenance, researching, scheduling and interviewing for home repair, getting kids to practice, figuring out when it's time for what doctor's appointments (even DH's). I do wish DH would take some off my plate. But he'd just ignore the check engine light if it were left to him. (he does have a job, though, and does well at it. And if I ask him to take on a specific task, he will.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here...

women are all about the drama and one upmanship...

so, while we may not really appreciate the little things like thank you cards or even gifts, they are not the kinds of things that are really earth shattering or important. Over the top kids parties are just a way for the the wives to out-do each other.

We do however understand that the things you trivialize (car maintenance, home maintenance, ect) are much more important than thank you notes and gifts, and even to a point, getting larla to soccer practice.

And yes I have organized and cooked dinner parties for the family and friends that did not involve propane or charcoal grills.

So we are capable....but yeah we really don't care about your super flambe salmon soufflé and would rather just have a some beef tenderloin on the grille with a baked potato. And in all honesty, so would most of your guests

You and the other PP are assuming that men do the home and car maintenance. In my home, it's all me. The mental load, the car maintenance, researching, scheduling and interviewing for home repair, getting kids to practice, figuring out when it's time for what doctor's appointments (even DH's). I do wish DH would take some off my plate. But he'd just ignore the check engine light if it were left to him. (he does have a job, though, and does well at it. And if I ask him to take on a specific task, he will.)

DH here -

I send thank you cards. I do most of the major dinner planning like holidays, etc.

Almost everything on your list is outsourced at my house. I am sure that I would find a way to get the kid registered for camp if it came down to it so as far as the 'mental load' - spare me. Is there a forum where I can complain about paying all of the bills, doing all of the financial planning, getting cars inspected and registered, coordinating our taxes, coordinating the landscaper, home repairs and maintenance?

I can understand how taxing it must be to order 15 birthday party gifts every year on Amazon and wrap them. Can't imaging how I would pull that one off or how to design a birthday party gift bag that is better than the other gift bags this summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH here...

women are all about the drama and one upmanship...

so, while we may not really appreciate the little things like thank you cards or even gifts, they are not the kinds of things that are really earth shattering or important. Over the top kids parties are just a way for the the wives to out-do each other.

We do however understand that the things you trivialize (car maintenance, home maintenance, ect) are much more important than thank you notes and gifts, and even to a point, getting larla to soccer practice.

And yes I have organized and cooked dinner parties for the family and friends that did not involve propane or charcoal grills.

So we are capable....but yeah we really don't care about your super flambe salmon soufflé and would rather just have a some beef tenderloin on the grille with a baked potato. And in all honesty, so would most of your guests

You and the other PP are assuming that men do the home and car maintenance. In my home, it's all me. The mental load, the car maintenance, researching, scheduling and interviewing for home repair, getting kids to practice, figuring out when it's time for what doctor's appointments (even DH's). I do wish DH would take some off my plate. But he'd just ignore the check engine light if it were left to him. (he does have a job, though, and does well at it. And if I ask him to take on a specific task, he will.)

...and I doubt that you'd have it any other way. If you don't work outside of the house, then this probably is a good balance for your family.

[Anonymous]

I guess when women get bored of attacking other women they turn on men.

[Anonymous]

If I ceased to exist, our house would have far fewer throw pillows, birthday/thank you cards would not be sent, doctor's appointments would not get scheduled, and the floors wouldn't be vacuumed as frequently.

But, if DH ceased to exist, our yard would be a jungle (I don't even know how to start the mower) and I'd never have a home grilled burger or steak. DH is also the one who thinks to buy me things like an emergency kit for my car, checks the air pressure in my tires, inspects the garage door, etc.

I think we all have our own way of taking care of our family, it just tends to be mental vs physical tasks for a lot of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, kids would be more free range and probably also would have more significant accidents. Every time I see a toddler alone in the deep end of the pool or a kid left in a running car or a baby wandering alone at Target, it's because dad is in charge. Not all men, I know.

I think there are good aspects of this. A population of kids that had more significant accidents while growing up is likely a sturdier and more self reliant population. The trade off of course is less kids make it (but not significantly so) but this is a mixed bag criticism IMO.

You are most definitely male.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If I ceased to exist, our house would have far fewer throw pillows, birthday/thank you cards would not be sent, doctor's appointments would not get scheduled, and the floors wouldn't be vacuumed as frequently.

But, if DH ceased to exist, our yard would be a jungle (I don't even know how to start the mower) and I'd never have a home grilled burger or steak. DH is also the one who thinks to buy me things like an emergency kit for my car, checks the air pressure in my tires, inspects the garage door, etc.

I think we all have our own way of taking care of our family, it just tends to be mental vs physical tasks for a lot of us.

Gee I do all those things your DH does for you, as well as everything you do. It's not a gender thing, it's a matter of whether you are efficient or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Men get by just fine without female help.

LOL...I'm hardly a feminist (DCUM would be horrified by what a traditional wife I am), but...lol.

Seriously, this is funny.

I think this is true in my house. Sure, my DH would do things differently than I do (i.e. keeping dirty dishes in the sink) but he'd figure all the stuff out. He's the one who reminds me that we need a Costco run.

Oh, I'm not saying they wouldn't get along. But they wouldn't get along just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, kids would be more free range and probably also would have more significant accidents. Every time I see a toddler alone in the deep end of the pool or a kid left in a running car or a baby wandering alone at Target, it's because dad is in charge. Not all men, I know.

I think there are good aspects of this. A population of kids that had more significant accidents while growing up is likely a sturdier and more self reliant population. The trade off of course is less kids make it (but not significantly so) but this is a mixed bag criticism IMO.

You are most definitely male.

Nope. 32 yo woman with a 2 year old dd and one boy on the way.