How to not be jealous of my friends husband

[Anonymous]

My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

[Anonymous]

I can't relate either. Mine with all his faults still managed to help me anyway he could.

[Anonymous]

So instead of being jealous, what conversation can you have with your husband to divide the child rearing tasks more? I'd start with asking him whether he thinks it's your job to do those things. Because if he honestly doesn't think he's supposed to be doing them, no begging or cajoling will help. You have to have that conversation first. It's a hard one to have because you might end up hearing something that will be vastly different from what you believe.

[Anonymous]

Yes - sounds like you should stop being jealous and instead have a conversation with your husband about how you would like more parity in the domestic side of your marriage. No comparisons are really appropriate as this is only about your dynamics and your personalities. I had a similar conversation with my DH when first was about a year old and he started with how much better he was than x y and z but they weren't the person I chose to marry, have children with. After a few false starts things changed and are remarkably better - and I truly believe being a father (and husband) has been a richer experience for him - and us as knowing I could count on us both I was able to take on more at work and believe my success is because of that

[Anonymous]

Guarantee you their bedroom is dead. All that choreplay niceguy stuff makes her vajayjay as dry as the Sahara.

[Anonymous]

As pps have said have a conversation with him, and then be willing to let him do it his way.
That might mean he picks out an outfit different than you would have.

That might mean he makes different meals than you would.

That might mean he lets the kids splash more in the tub than you would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

He might be a wonderful husband and father, he also might know how to put on a good show like my friend's ex. You'll never know so stop being jealous.

[Anonymous]

But does he pay bills? It's a trade off somewhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

He might be a wonderful husband and father, he also might know how to put on a good show like my friend's ex. You'll never know so stop being jealous.

Making lunch for your kids and the types of things he's doing are not "putting on a show". OP just happens to be around to witness it sometimes.

Everyone is not your friend's ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee you their bedroom is dead. All that choreplay niceguy stuff makes her vajayjay as dry as the Sahara.

I expect you're right. The qualities that make a nice, stable long term partner are the opposite of the qualities that create the tension and excitement necessary to spark sexual desire. I'll bet OP's husband turns her on more than her friend is turned on by her husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

He might be a wonderful husband and father, he also might know how to put on a good show like my friend's ex. You'll never know so stop being jealous.

Making lunch for your kids and the types of things he's doing are not "putting on a show". OP just happens to be around to witness it sometimes.

Everyone is not your friend's ex.

For most people it isn't. but for abussive nrcissits like my friend's ex it is. You have no way of knowing if the man is or is not like my friend's ex. My opinion is just as valid as yours.

Have a nice day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee you their bedroom is dead. All that choreplay niceguy stuff makes her vajayjay as dry as the Sahara.

I expect you're right. The qualities that make a nice, stable long term partner are the opposite of the qualities that create the tension and excitement necessary to spark sexual desire. I'll bet OP's husband turns her on more than her friend is turned on by her husband.

+1 OP, how's the sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guarantee you their bedroom is dead. All that choreplay niceguy stuff makes her vajayjay as dry as the Sahara.

I expect you're right. The qualities that make a nice, stable long term partner are the opposite of the qualities that create the tension and excitement necessary to spark sexual desire. I'll bet OP's husband turns her on more than her friend is turned on by her husband.

I disagree. My husband is an equal participant in the household and we have a fantastic sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

He might be a wonderful husband and father, he also might know how to put on a good show like my friend's ex. You'll never know so stop being jealous.

Thanks, pp! Np here. I was about to tear up about what I didn't have and scrolled down to your post. My ex puts on an excellent show! Such a good one! He needs an emmy! My ex could definitely take care of other people when they were around and take care of DD when they were around, but he was useless otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend's husband is probably one of the nicest guys on this planet. He is super helpful, thoughtful and kind. We took the kids to the pool and when we came back to their house, he had lunch already made for all the kids. He cleans, grocery shops, always helps with the kids, even can pick out outfits for them. Honestly it's just bringing to light how little my husband does. I don't know that my husband has given my kids a bath without major bribing and begging. I'm just happy when plates make it to the sink from dinner, forget actually doing this dishes or kitchen clean up. My friend doesn't brag about her husband but when I complain about my husband not even being able to run to the store for pull ups, I can tell she can't relate.

He might be a wonderful husband and father, he also might know how to put on a good show like my friend's ex. You'll never know so stop being jealous.

Making lunch for your kids and the types of things he's doing are not "putting on a show". OP just happens to be around to witness it sometimes.

Everyone is not your friend's ex.

For most people it isn't. but for abussive nrcissits like my friend's ex it is. You have no way of knowing if the man is or is not like my friend's ex. My opinion is just as valid as yours.

Have a nice day!

Yes! This! The people outside have no way of knowing. It means every relationship I have since, I am very careful, watching small cues, trying to see if the next person is going to be a really good manipulator.