He thinks I stopped taking the pill
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Anonymous
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But, I haven't. I'm still taking it. He wants to have a baby now. I'm just not ready. I've told him this many times. It's like he doesn't even hear me. I know I want kids but not now. Hoping I can buy some time, 6 months - 1 year would be good. Plus we really can't afford it right now.
Am I awful? |
Anonymous
| While honesty is the best policy, it's your body. How old are you? Does he hear your clock ticking louder than you do? |
Anonymous
| No, you aren't awful. It would be awful to have a child you don't want and can't afford. You should tell your husband these things, though. |
Anonymous
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Yes, the deception is pretty awful. Not being ready is fine, but the constant lying and letting him get his hopes up for something he wants is not.
Reverse the situation. What if your DH got a vasectomy before you are ready but didn't tell you and you spent 6 months to a year trying to have a baby? Wouldn't you be livid about the lie? |
Anonymous
Hi,Op This relationship does not sound very healthy if what you wrote is true. If he doesn't listen now before the stresses of kids what makes you think he is going to listen to you after kids? I would find a therapist to deal with this problem first and while there tell him you are preventing from getting pregnant because you don't feel valued or listened to. What happens if you have one kid and then he starts again with wanting another or doing something with your kid that you don't think is appropriate. Does he always get his way in other things? How is he generally on other issues? You aren't awful but, doesn't sound like you are in a healthy relationship right now. Good luck! |
Anonymous
you're not awful at all if you're told him many times. You simply need to tell him and then don't hear him (like he doesn't hear you) and move on. Let him know that you'll discuss with him again in 6 months (or a year). |
Anonymous
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Agree this sounds unhealthy. Move along if your prorities are that different. Not being ready is fine. Lying is not. That's not a relationship you should be in as it's unfair to both of you.
Be clear about needing more time if it's what you need. Set a date. If you can't, then it's still time to move along for both of your sakes. FWIW, I set a 3 month timeline before we pulled the goalie, so to speak. I took that time to get healthy and do a few things I wanted to do. It was worth it, but I also kept my side of the commitment and i got pregnant that month of trying. |
Anonymous
I'm 26, we've been married for 2 years. He's 28. He says "you're going to be a great mom". I don't doubt that. Just not now. He comes from a huge family (5 siblings) |
Anonymous
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Are you married? How old are you guys?
Perhaps some marital counseling is in order to learn how to hear each other and work on making decisions together. Having a child is a huge decision and life-changer - you really do both need to be on the same page about it. |
Anonymous
| I think you need to lay out exactly what you need to feel ready- does your relationship need improvement, do you need a certain amount of money saved, do you want to reach certain educational or career milestones first, etc. If he feels like you are both working towards it, rather than just waiting around for an unspecified amount of time, he may back off a bit. |
Anonymous
You're still quite young at 26. I can understand your hesitation - your life will change more than his, that's just the way it is. Are you guys on the same page about the number of kids you want to have? |
Anonymous
Yes, only 2 kids. Twins run in his family. His siblings are 2 sets of twins plus him (all boys). I'm an only child. I love his huge family, it's fun at holidays/gatherings. |
Anonymous
100% this. You're in trouble if you guys can't be honest with each other. |
Anonymous
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FYI, I believe the propensity for twins is not increased if the father is a twin or has twins in his family, only if twins run in the mother's family. This is because the mother's likelihood of expelling two eggs is what is important.
(and the likelihood of identical twins is entirely random, and not influenced by other twins in the family). And the sperm has nothing to do with expelling of eggs. Plus, to all you self-doubters out there, stop asking if you are horrible, or awful, or a bad person and start ACTUALLY communicating with your SO. |
Anonymous
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You need to SHUT HIM DOWN. Make it clear IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS, that you want kids but NOT YET.
Tell him you will discuss this with him in a YEAR, or 2 or whatever you want. |