He thinks I stopped taking the pill

[Anonymous]

Divorce your husband and give him the chance to be a father.

You're not worthy of him, and you should have the decency to let him go.

Asshole.

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're awful. Not for not being ready, but for lying and taking the easy way out. And he is awful for pressuring you. And you're both awful for your failure to communicate, and listen. This is NOT the way healthy relationships are handled. Seriously. And I guarantee, 110%, that the same underlying problems will follow you and grow with kids in the picture.

Do not have kids. I have a great marriage, but the stress of small kids (that we were both totally ready for) cannot be underestimated. It exposes every fissure and expands it. Try therapy, both individual and couples before you go for the kids. Otherwise you are in for one rough ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, the deception is pretty awful. Not being ready is fine, but the constant lying and letting him get his hopes up for something he wants is not.

Reverse the situation. What if your DH got a vasectomy before you are ready but didn't tell you and you spent 6 months to a year trying to have a baby? Wouldn't you be livid about the lie?

Maybe he shouldn't be badgering her.

I'm not saying he is right, but you're not going to win the moral high ground by just lying (repeatedly and at length, whether by commission or omission) when someone badgers you. That just isn't how problems are actually resolved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce your husband and give him the chance to be a father.

You're not worthy of him, and you should have the decency to let him go.

Asshole.

Look in the mirror because I think you are the Asshole! I am not op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce your husband and give him the chance to be a father.

You're not worthy of him, and you should have the decency to let him go.

Asshole.

Look in the mirror because I think you are the Asshole! I am not op.

IDGAF what you think.


I'm not even sure why you think I'd care what you think, except it illustrates the level of your narcissism.

But just so we're clear - I don't.

[Anonymous]

if the two of you cant communicate and find a mutual compromise, then you should have a baby, because you need to be on the same page for that. It will exacerbate all of those tendencies--his to steamroll you and yours to deceive.

stay on the pill, then tell him in counseling.

[Anonymous]

These people aren't terrible--they are young.

OP, my DH pressured me into having a baby before I was ready. We're still married, but it was a tough ride.

As some other posters have suggested, you could give him a concrete timeline, say a year or two, and then commit to that. But if, at that time, you are still not ready, maybe you should let him go.

If he isn't listening, maybe writing him a letter would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What will you do when eventually you do get pregnant, even in a few years, and you're at a doc appointment together and the doc asks how long you were trying, if you ever tried before, etc? Lie to fool your husband? Lie about your medical history to someone with your baby's life in their hands?

Why the hell would the husband be at the doctors appointment?

Only appointment my DH came to was to hear the first heartbeat and then the major ultrasound at 20 weeks.

For the record, I've been pregnant 3xs and i was never asked how long i was trying and never asked if i was on birth control while trying. It has no meducal relevancy.

Great. My husband came to all of them in the first pregnancy. And it's very common for docs to ask this kind of stuff.

Not sure why you're so angry.

And it's 'medical.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce your husband and give him the chance to be a father.

You're not worthy of him, and you should have the decency to let him go.

Asshole.

Look in the mirror because I think you are the Asshole! I am not op.

IDGAF what you think.


I'm not even sure why you think I'd care what you think, except it illustrates the level of your narcissism.

But just so we're clear - I don't.

Well if you truly didn't care than you wouldn't respond. But, you did and you do. You were the first person to call the op an asshole and you don't like someone calling you on it. But, you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These people aren't terrible--they are young.

OP, my DH pressured me into having a baby before I was ready. We're still married, but it was a tough ride.

As some other posters have suggested, you could give him a concrete timeline, say a year or two, and then commit to that. But if, at that time, you are still not ready, maybe you should let him go.

If he isn't listening, maybe writing him a letter would work.

Why are they already married if they haven't worked out issues like the timing of having a family?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you're awful for lying about this. You need to be honest. Your DH has the right to make fully informed decisions about his life, just like you do.

[Anonymous]

You're going to need to be truthful with him. He's pressuring you and you're lying because you don't want to confront him. Why not? This is no way to live in a marriage. I've been there, done that, and it sucked.

This could become more than a theoretical issue in the future. If you two really do decide to have kids, and then you struggle with infertility, you'll have to tell the doctors in detail your history, how long you tried, etc.

[Anonymous]

Not awful. Men are naturally shameless horndogs. They can't help it You are good woman for taking care of your man's needs.