SIL is always ridiculous

[Anonymous]

Ok so DH and I invited his parents to come with us on a little trip. (Only 2 hours away) SIL decided she wanted to go too. That's fine, I decided to arrange that we get family pictures taken as a surprise to MIL. SIL just texted me and said "We have to be back by 4:00 so that I can be home in time to make my husband dinner before he goes to work". MIL and FIL aren't able to leave out until 11:30. DH texted SIL and reminded her of that and she just says "nope, sorry. I want to go and have to be back". She's always like this. DH text back and says "then plan your own trip or drive yourself. I think your husband is perfectly capable of grabbing food on his way to work." So now she's calling me crying.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's creating her own problems. And based on a fear of missing out.
-she wants to spend time with family
-she wants to be there for her dh, and has probably created some expectation that her dh isn't asking for

She doesn't see that she has to pick one. She's seeing that if everyone else around her changed THEIR plans, then she could still do it all. How rude of them to not allow her to do both things (sarcasm).

Someone needs to point this out and then give her space to process it. I say to give space, because I know people like this. They tend to be stubborn if you catch them in the truth of the matter. She'll need a little space so she am comfortably back down.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Sorry. Not sorry. You don't get to tag along on a trip someone else planned and then dictate the details change to fit your schedule.

[Anonymous]

I just said "it's obvious you need some space to handle your feelings. I hope your day gets better". And hung up the phone. I know not to engage. Something tells me MIL will call into work for that morning. Then we will be expected to be home by 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH and I invited his parents to come with us on a little trip. (Only 2 hours away) SIL decided she wanted to go too. That's fine, I decided to arrange that we get family pictures taken as a surprise to MIL. SIL just texted me and said "We have to be back by 4:00 so that I can be home in time to make my husband dinner before he goes to work". MIL and FIL aren't able to leave out until 11:30. DH texted SIL and reminded her of that and she just says "nope, sorry. I want to go and have to be back". She's always like this. DH text back and says "then plan your own trip or drive yourself. I think your husband is perfectly capable of grabbing food on his way to work." So now she's calling me crying.

Lucky you have a DH that puts her in her place. I hate bitches who try to emotionally manipulate by crying. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

My SIL is very similar. Everything is always about her and she'll pitch a fit to change plans if they're not to her liking. The problem is that her entire life, no one has ever told her "no."

This was tolerable, if very annoying, when we lived in different cities. Now that we live in the same metro area? Absolutely infuriating After 6 months of dealing with this immature BS, I've stopped being nice about it. I tell her no. I call her out when she starts pulling this crap. I'm reportedly a mean, horrible person, but my DH mostly agrees with me and we're both happier limiting our interactions with her to stuff that we can tolerate her making all about her and changing to suit her selfish whims.

[Anonymous]

Goodness. I would go crazy with that type of person. I'm a perfectionist and control-freak, so anyone disrupting my plans will get short thrift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just said "it's obvious you need some space to handle your feelings. I hope your day gets better". And hung up the phone. I know not to engage. Something tells me MIL will call into work for that morning. Then we will be expected to be home by 4.

Wait -- OP, is this you? So your problem is not just SIL (who, yes, is being selfish), but MIL as well?

You say "MIL will call into work." Do you mean she will BE called in to work by her boss? Or she, herself, will "call into work" to see if she is needed?

If she works a job where her employer can call on her in the morning to work later that same day, she shouldn't say yes to plans that are on any day she is officially on call at her job. And you and DH should be crystal clear that she arranges a vacation day well in advance for any day you want to take her somewhere.

If she, herself, would somehow "call into work" on her own and see if she is needed when she does not have to do so -- well, DH should talk to her about how that's not a thoughtful thing to do if she has been part of plans made specially as an outing to please her.

You said this is a two-hour drive, the in-laws can't leave until 11:30 and might need to be back by 4 if MIL works -- If I read it right. If this is a day trip (not clear to me that it is or isn't, I'm assuming it is) you would drive two hours, then pretty much have 30 minutes at the destination before coming home for 4:00--? It's all pretty confused now, and in your shoes, I'd just drop the plans and say you can reschedule when MIL can give you a date that is a firm, fixed vacation day that doesn't involve calling in to or being called in to work.

And don't ask SIL. If she invites herself, even if next time it would work, your DH (not you, him) should tell her, "We'd like to spend some time alone with mom and dad on this one. Later this summer we could all go to Place X as an extended family." Then do just that, go as a larger family later when everyone can PLAN around MIL's job and SIL's fixation with her husband's dinner.

Be glad DH has your back. You're smart not to engage.

[Anonymous]

What a psycho your SIL is, calling you up crying over a day trip. You need to have sane boundaries. The minute people pull this nonsense, you say, "I don't want to hear it. This is not my problem." And hang up. No more responses. Shut it down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just said "it's obvious you need some space to handle your feelings. I hope your day gets better". And hung up the phone. I know not to engage. Something tells me MIL will call into work for that morning. Then we will be expected to be home by 4.

Wait -- OP, is this you? So your problem is not just SIL (who, yes, is being selfish), but MIL as well?

You say "MIL will call into work." Do you mean she will BE called in to work by her boss? Or she, herself, will "call into work" to see if she is needed?

If she works a job where her employer can call on her in the morning to work later that same day, she shouldn't say yes to plans that are on any day she is officially on call at her job. And you and DH should be crystal clear that she arranges a vacation day well in advance for any day you want to take her somewhere.

If she, herself, would somehow "call into work" on her own and see if she is needed when she does not have to do so -- well, DH should talk to her about how that's not a thoughtful thing to do if she has been part of plans made specially as an outing to please her.

You said this is a two-hour drive, the in-laws can't leave until 11:30 and might need to be back by 4 if MIL works -- If I read it right. If this is a day trip (not clear to me that it is or isn't, I'm assuming it is) you would drive two hours, then pretty much have 30 minutes at the destination before coming home for 4:00--? It's all pretty confused now, and in your shoes, I'd just drop the plans and say you can reschedule when MIL can give you a date that is a firm, fixed vacation day that doesn't involve calling in to or being called in to work.

And don't ask SIL. If she invites herself, even if next time it would work, your DH (not you, him) should tell her, "We'd like to spend some time alone with mom and dad on this one. Later this summer we could all go to Place X as an extended family." Then do just that, go as a larger family later when everyone can PLAN around MIL's job and SIL's fixation with her husband's dinner.

Be glad DH has your back. You're smart not to engage.

"Call in to work" usually means call in sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok so DH and I invited his parents to come with us on a little trip. (Only 2 hours away) SIL decided she wanted to go too. That's fine, I decided to arrange that we get family pictures taken as a surprise to MIL. SIL just texted me and said "We have to be back by 4:00 so that I can be home in time to make my husband dinner before he goes to work". MIL and FIL aren't able to leave out until 11:30. DH texted SIL and reminded her of that and she just says "nope, sorry. I want to go and have to be back". She's always like this. DH text back and says "then plan your own trip or drive yourself. I think your husband is perfectly capable of grabbing food on his way to work." So now she's calling me crying.

Lucky you have a DH that puts her in her place. I hate bitches who try to emotionally manipulate by crying. Pathetic.

MIL has to work a couple of hours in the morning. They're closed on Sunday but they still have to go in a couple of hours. If SIL pitched a fit, MIL would call in. DH told them we are leaving at 1. No if ands or buts. If they would like to go, great. If not, oh well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a psycho your SIL is, calling you up crying over a day trip. You need to have sane boundaries. The minute people pull this nonsense, you say, "I don't want to hear it. This is not my problem." And hang up. No more responses. Shut it down.

The people who always bring up boundaries are the biggest control freaks and don't understand how boundaries work.

You can't control another person. The OP can't prevent her SIL from flaking on plans or calling her when she's in tears. The OP can only control her attitude toward the SIL or screen her calls. OP, in the future, tell the SIL in a nice way to make her own plans up front so that you're not inconvenienced. Yes, she's ridiculous. Better that than mean or nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a psycho your SIL is, calling you up crying over a day trip. You need to have sane boundaries. The minute people pull this nonsense, you say, "I don't want to hear it. This is not my problem." And hang up. No more responses. Shut it down.

The people who always bring up boundaries are the biggest control freaks and don't understand how boundaries work.

You can't control another person. The OP can't prevent her SIL from flaking on plans or calling her when she's in tears. The OP can only control her attitude toward the SIL or screen her calls. OP, in the future, tell the SIL in a nice way to make her own plans up front so that you're not inconvenienced. Yes, she's ridiculous. Better that than mean or nasty.

You didnt read this post did you pp?

[Anonymous]

There is something off with her husband that she is not sharing.

[Anonymous]

Ok here's the thing. FIL is in really bad health. DH and I wanted a day with him and pictures with him as this may very well be our last chance. When SIL invited herself we were perfectly fine with it. FIL is pretty crushed that she would rather stay home and make her hubby a sammich than spend this time with him. She's going to be pretty crushed when the photographer posts the family pictures but she chose not to go.