How to handle being upset with someone who is in the same circle of friends

[Anonymous]

I am very upset with one of my neighbors. We were very good friends, but she and her husband did something that was really rude and unthoughtful to me and my family. I don't want to engage with either of them, but we will be at the same events on plenty of occasions, including a monthly book club dinner. I'm not going to avoid my other friends, I just want to avoid this couple. Any advice on how to handle this? I'm really sad about this predicament.

[Anonymous]

So sorry you are in this uncomfortable predicament OP.

My best advice is when you run into these people at social events, try to avoid them as much as possible.

If they say hello, say hello in return then move on.

They should get the hint.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Have you discussed this issue with them?

[Anonymous]

You're an adult. The thing to do as adults is discuss it and then move on. It would have to be a really egregious thing for me to actually dwell on this and cause an issue.

My fiancé and I have a core group of six friends and occasionally some of us get mad at each other. We talk to privately, person to person. We don't get the group involved. We don't ask them to pick sides. We don't even bring up the problem to put the others in an uncomfortable spot. So unless they, like, killed your dog or hit your child, grow up.

[Anonymous]

Please talk to your neighbor. I'm in a similar situation except it is my neighbor who is ignoring us. She has progressively blown us off more over the past three years and we were very good friends. She won't return calls, texts, invitations to get together, etc. She used to at least acknowledge us but in the last 6 months she has moved to totally ignoring us which makes it very uncomfortable and awkward - especially now my kids pick up on it. I'm usually very perceptive but don't have a clue what we have done but I'm tired of chasing after her to find out. For the sake of your other neighbors at least try to have a conversation. You don't have to be her friend afterwards but since you will still see one another regularly it will make things less tense to at least get it out there and clear the air.

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP. What did the neighbors do to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP. What did the neighbors do to you?

Probably something small that OP is blowing way out of proportion. Her whole post reeks of an over dramatic person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Come on, OP. What did the neighbors do to you?

Not OP but my guesses are:

Didn't invite them to a thing they invited others to or disciplined OP's kids

[Anonymous]

OP here- We did address it with them and they aren't disagreeing that it was rude. I am not dragging friends into it and haven't mentioned it to anyone- thus I'm posting here on the land of anonymity for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We did address it with them and they aren't disagreeing that it was rude. I am not dragging friends into it and haven't mentioned it to anyone- thus I'm posting here on the land of anonymity for advice.

Did they apologize? Try to just get past it and move on. No need to go out of your way to make this anything other than a non-issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We did address it with them and they aren't disagreeing that it was rude. I am not dragging friends into it and haven't mentioned it to anyone- thus I'm posting here on the land of anonymity for advice.

so they admit that it was rude? Did they apologize or make amends? If so, move on. You don't have to forget, but forgive.

[Anonymous]

They refused to accept a food delivery that was missing items?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We did address it with them and they aren't disagreeing that it was rude. I am not dragging friends into it and haven't mentioned it to anyone- thus I'm posting here on the land of anonymity for advice.

OMG you sound so over dramatic. No need to be best friend with them. Just be polite and cordial. It's not that difficult.

[Anonymous]

So they acknowledged it was rude. Did they apologize?

I would say you let it go then and try to move on if it's a first offense and they were genuinely sorry.

Without knowing details, it seems possible that you are a grudge holder and that's just toxic energy in life. Move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you know the answer to this. No, you can't avoid them at small group gatherings with your mutual friends. It will be obvious and you will make it incredibly uncomfortable for everyone if you do this. So either move on and act normal or stop hanging out with these people. I think it's fine to limit whatever one-on-one contact you were having. But don't mess with the group dynamic. The worst.