How to handle being upset with someone who is in the same circle of friends

[Anonymous]

They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Don't ever befriend neighbors. When things go awry you don't want to move plus it's nice to come home and relax. Don't want any tension from neighbors. We had a similar circumstance. Planned a over night rv trip with our neighbors/friends. Brought the kids, food etc. After we got there things were good or so I thought. Later that night while we were talking and having a drink her husband kept whispering in her ear. Apparently he wanted to leave and drive back. We were so shocked. They literally left and drove 2.5 hours back at night. I'm thinking he was never on board and she was dying to get away. Still the rudest thing I've seen. They moved a year later which was a big relief!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

[Anonymous]

You should talk to her. You will make things awkward and create gossip and sides and all that crap if you avoid them at all get-togethers.

"Hey Marci,

I was really hurt when Little Bobby was sick in the hospital and you and Mark brushed off my concerns. I thought we were closer than that, and it really hurt my feelings."

Then she can say, "Ugh, Larla I'm kind of glad you brought this up. I was an ass that day, and then got too embarrassed to apologize, and then too much time went by, and ... Anyway, I'm sorry I said it. of COURSE it's scary that Bobby was in the hopsital. How is he now?"

[Anonymous]

Just be "polite" when you have to see them. When you have get together's at your place don't invite them. Sometimes we find out who our friends are and aren't through life events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

It's not about you. Imagine how painful it would be to have to spend time with all the other couples, just like you used to with your spouse, but now your spouse is gone. Amazes me that instead of putting themselves in someone's shoes and seeing where they may be coming from, people make it all about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

You sound exhausting. It was probably something so ridiculously small that the neighbor can't figure out why you're reacting this way. Grow up

[Anonymous]

Lol considering OP won't say what it was, I'm guessing she knows it's silly and she's being over dramatic and sensitive and people will tell her that on here. Some people can be so exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

It's not about you. Imagine how painful it would be to have to spend time with all the other couples, just like you used to with your spouse, but now your spouse is gone. Amazes me that instead of putting themselves in someone's shoes and seeing where they may be coming from, people make it all about them.

From FB I saw he was going to another couples home that lived closer. This was probably 4 weeks ago so that's not it.

[Anonymous]

OP let us know what it is. Otherwise can't really give advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

It's not about you. Imagine how painful it would be to have to spend time with all the other couples, just like you used to with your spouse, but now your spouse is gone. Amazes me that instead of putting themselves in someone's shoes and seeing where they may be coming from, people make it all about them.

From FB I saw he was going to another couples home that lived closer. This was probably 4 weeks ago so that's not it.

Not to derail the thread, but come on. You're still making it all about you. Can you even begin to fathom the devastation he has experienced? Maybe since they live closer they've been more supportive all along. Maybe he was closer with one or both when your friend was alive. You really don't know, yet your main concern is get fact that he hangs out with another couple and not the fact that HIS WIFE IS DEAD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

It's not about you. Imagine how painful it would be to have to spend time with all the other couples, just like you used to with your spouse, but now your spouse is gone. Amazes me that instead of putting themselves in someone's shoes and seeing where they may be coming from, people make it all about them.

From FB I saw he was going to another couples home that lived closer. This was probably 4 weeks ago so that's not it.

Not to derail the thread, but come on. You're still making it all about you. Can you even begin to fathom the devastation he has experienced? Maybe since they live closer they've been more supportive all along. Maybe he was closer with one or both when your friend was alive. You really don't know, yet your main concern is get fact that he hangs out with another couple and not the fact that HIS WIFE IS DEAD.

She doesn't even know if he was hanging out with the couple. Maybe the DH invited him over to hang out. Did your husband ever try to meet up with him without you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They didn't apologize- the whole thing is messed up. I guess I'm just bummed as we've been friends for the last 4 years and we thought we knew them better.

I'll take the advice to not expend energy on it and move on.

I would probably do less with the neighbors. Make your friends outside the neighborhood. My good friend died a few years back. We did a lot as couples. Dinner, cards, and probably 4 cruises together. After she died we expected to remain friends with her husband. He has made it clear he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Now I'm wondering if he was faking it the entire time. We're talking 12 years!

It's not about you. Imagine how painful it would be to have to spend time with all the other couples, just like you used to with your spouse, but now your spouse is gone. Amazes me that instead of putting themselves in someone's shoes and seeing where they may be coming from, people make it all about them.

From FB I saw he was going to another couples home that lived closer. This was probably 4 weeks ago so that's not it.

Not to derail the thread, but come on. You're still making it all about you. Can you even begin to fathom the devastation he has experienced? Maybe since they live closer they've been more supportive all along. Maybe he was closer with one or both when your friend was alive. You really don't know, yet your main concern is get fact that he hangs out with another couple and not the fact that HIS WIFE IS DEAD.

She doesn't even know if he was hanging out with the couple. Maybe the DH invited him over to hang out. Did your husband ever try to meet up with him without you?

I agree that the widower may want another start with friends that don't remind him of his wife. Also, he wasn't faking it, but perhaps the friendship started out with the wives or something and he didn't feel you were his BEST friends. Just friends.
It's just astounding the number of people who make it all about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- We did address it with them and they aren't disagreeing that it was rude. I am not dragging friends into it and haven't mentioned it to anyone- thus I'm posting here on the land of anonymity for advice.

You might not actually be talking about it with your other neighbors but people are going to pick up on that something is "off" if you are at gatherings and you aren't talking to them (or talking to them as much) and you used to be friends. I think for the sake of everyone in the neighborhood you need to let it go. You've discussed it - they've admitted it was rude - I'm not sure what else you are looking for. Everyone makes mistakes - no one is perfect and at some point you need to be the bigger person and at least in group situations roll with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, did she refuse to accept your delivered grocery order for you because it was missing some items?