Dating someone with kids

[Anonymous]

I've been seeing this woman for three months. She's divorced with a 8 year old. She's a nice woman, I haven't met her kid. I don't have kids so I have more free time than she does. I'm a very spontaneous person and I love to plan surprise outings or trips. It's really hard to do with her because her and her ex don't have a set time when he has the kid so this make things difficult. Honestly, I'm thinking about ending things with her because of this and since it's still early in the relationship. Would I be a jerk for ending this because of this?

[Anonymous]

If you end it without explaining why, then yes. Other then that, if you can't deal with it now, that's your choice. Although at 8 years old, things eventually begin to change as they grow into tween / teen years; and even as a single parent there are more planned hang outs with their friends, sleepovers, outings without parents, sharing rides to practice, etc.

You can also plan to have a sitter as a backup, or give her that option. You never know.

If this is truly the only reason, explain your concerns and go from there. She may agree, or have an alternative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you end it without explaining why, then yes. Other then that, if you can't deal with it now, that's your choice. Although at 8 years old, things eventually begin to change as they grow into tween / teen years; and even as a single parent there are more planned hang outs with their friends, sleepovers, outings without parents, sharing rides to practice, etc.

You can also plan to have a sitter as a backup, or give her that option. You never know.

If this is truly the only reason, explain your concerns and go from there. She may agree, or have an alternative.

I would definitely tell her the reason why I'm ending it.

[Anonymous]

You're within your rights. She may not be for you because of this, and that's reality.

If you're feeling this now, better to be upfront and end it now versus one or both of you attaching but having conflict, tension, incompatibility.

Maybe you're also just not that into her, and for the right person, you'd be fine with this dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Definitely just end it. She needs probably a divorced dad.

[Anonymous]

As a divorced mom, I almost exclusively date single dads. Guys without kids just don't get it. And that's ok. I didn't get it before I had kids either. If you prefer the spontaneity of your child free life, you probably want to steer clear of women with kids, at least ones in elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced mom, I almost exclusively date single dads. Guys without kids just don't get it. And that's ok. I didn't get it before I had kids either. If you prefer the spontaneity of your child free life, you probably want to steer clear of women with kids, at least ones in elementary school.

I have kids and I still don't "get it" . There are levels to this parenting thing some of us have lives of our own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been seeing this woman for three months. She's divorced with a 8 year old. She's a nice woman, I haven't met her kid. I don't have kids so I have more free time than she does. I'm a very spontaneous person and I love to plan surprise outings or trips. It's really hard to do with her because her and her ex don't have a set time when he has the kid so this make things difficult. Honestly, I'm thinking about ending things with her because of this and since it's still early in the relationship. Would I be a jerk for ending this because of this?

No it doesn't make you a jerk. It's good you recognize this about yourself.

A jerk would be ghosting her.

Warning, she'll probably try to paint you as the bad guy in the situation. You are not just be honest but respectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced mom, I almost exclusively date single dads. Guys without kids just don't get it. And that's ok. I didn't get it before I had kids either. If you prefer the spontaneity of your child free life, you probably want to steer clear of women with kids, at least ones in elementary school.

+1000

And I am really clear on my profile that this is the situation and it is a jigsaw puzzle, I dumped a guy last month because he just didn't get the schedule thing.

[Anonymous]

Also, as the relationship develops, you may get into a rhythm where you figure put the moments you can be spontaneous. I think the issue is that you can't see them yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, as the relationship develops, you may get into a rhythm where you figure put the moments you can be spontaneous. I think the issue is that you can't see them yet.

But the relationship won't develop if the gf in the situation doesn't have time to ee her boyfriend, or it will develop without them really knowing each other which leads to problems down the road. Assuming she wants more than a FWB thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced mom, I almost exclusively date single dads. Guys without kids just don't get it. And that's ok. I didn't get it before I had kids either. If you prefer the spontaneity of your child free life, you probably want to steer clear of women with kids, at least ones in elementary school.

Was just having this same conversation with a friend. She says rarely dates someone that has never been married and has no kids because they don't get the scheduling thing. That said, I have several friends that did end up with guys that have never been married and have no kids. But in those cases the guy was a co-worker (so there was time to get to know each other during the workday) and/or the person had true 50% custody with a set schedule p,us family in the area to help.

Agree wth everyone else that it is okay to break up, just don't ghost. Being able to plan spontaneous outings is part of who you are and what you enjoy so you need someone that can do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a divorced mom, I almost exclusively date single dads. Guys without kids just don't get it. And that's ok. I didn't get it before I had kids either. If you prefer the spontaneity of your child free life, you probably want to steer clear of women with kids, at least ones in elementary school.

This. Op, having kids forces you to give up a lot of spontaneity. Sad but true.

[Anonymous]

I agree. You are not a jerk. Just be polite and honorable when you break it off.

[Anonymous]

Is this a relatively new divorce? Any chance of a solid custody agreement being brought up soon?

I'm like you with enjoying spontaneous trips and outings. I'm female with no children, but have dated a few men with kids. Sometimes I have booked the same hotel two weekends in a row and just cancel the one we aren't able to make. Sometimes I made plans that are child friendly. Sometimes I'd just go off with my friends for the weekend. It was never ideal and I have been dating someone childless for the past 3 years. It's been better for me.