For boys - when puberty hits, does maturity come with it?

[Anonymous]

Our 13 year old DS (going to be 14 in September) has no signs of puberty at all (doctors confirmed). He is both small and a late bloomer, but nothing abnormal according to the endocrinologist we have seen.

He is also very immature. For example, he will still go outside and play superheroes with his much younger siblings (8 and 5). He is not at all mature when it comes to managing his homework and schoolwork.

When puberty hits, will some of this maturity come with it? I'm hoping that very soon, he will start to care about his schoolwork without the massive parental micro-managing it takes now to make sure most things are completed and handed in.

[Anonymous]

No. They are not correlated much. That said, this doesn't sound out of the realm of normal 13 y.o. behavior.

[Anonymous]

No. Maturity may never come.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. If good endocrin has done early morning blood work..fasting...is not concerned then I would not be. Maybe see a neuropsychologist to check for ld...could just be that which can be outgrown.

[Anonymous]

I am rather relieved that my 12 year old son takes after both my husband and I, and shows no signs of puberty, apart from a few leg hairs and an increasing need for deodorant, and still has a charming willingness to play pretend with his much younger sister and anyone else.

Decades ago, when some children were working and others living a life of ease, it was considered normal for upper-class children to continue to play like this until well into their teens.

A word of warning, though: the homework procrastination and need to be micromanaged smacks of inattentive ADHD. Inattentive ADHD often correlates to a seeming lack of maturity.

[Anonymous]

My son didn't start showing anything at all until about 14, he had a friend in 5th grade who had the underarm hair of a gorilla so there is a broad range. The maturity may come or it may not. He probably seems young because he is the oldest child as compared to a child who has older siblings. My younger daughter is older than my son ever was at that age. In about second semester 7th grade, I would say that he started to really get his act together. The biggest thing was sending him to private school where his teachers knew him. As soon as he felt acknowledge and known, he wanted to meet their expectations. It was hard for him to work when he felt like a number. My daughter is thriving in public school - two totally different kids. Give him room. There is lots of time and remember somewhere there is a mom who has a 12 year old who is playing World of Warcraft and watching You Porn and she is mourning the loss of innocence. It doesn't take long to catch up on all that stuff once it happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I am rather relieved that my 12 year old son takes after both my husband and I, and shows no signs of puberty, apart from a few leg hairs and an increasing need for deodorant, and still has a charming willingness to play pretend with his much younger sister and anyone else.

Decades ago, when some children were working and others living a life of ease, it was considered normal for upper-class children to continue to play like this until well into their teens.

A word of warning, though: the homework procrastination and need to be micromanaged smacks of inattentive ADHD. Inattentive ADHD often correlates to a seeming lack of maturity.

I don't mind the playing with the siblings bit at all! It's just unusual that he still has interest in that, I think. He does have ADHD. It's medicated, we help him a lot of organizational strategies and work with him on it quite a bit. However, none of this seems to help create an underlying motivation and desire to do well and try hard. I hoped that would come a little bit more with some maturity. He operates very much on the "get through the next five minutes" theory of life. I know all this goes hand in hand with ADHD. But good lord it would all be easier if he cared about any of it. I'm not sure how much longer his father and I can baby step him through every.single.class and every.single.assignment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am rather relieved that my 12 year old son takes after both my husband and I, and shows no signs of puberty, apart from a few leg hairs and an increasing need for deodorant, and still has a charming willingness to play pretend with his much younger sister and anyone else.

Decades ago, when some children were working and others living a life of ease, it was considered normal for upper-class children to continue to play like this until well into their teens.

A word of warning, though: the homework procrastination and need to be micromanaged smacks of inattentive ADHD. Inattentive ADHD often correlates to a seeming lack of maturity.

I don't mind the playing with the siblings bit at all! It's just unusual that he still has interest in that, I think. He does have ADHD. It's medicated, we help him a lot of organizational strategies and work with him on it quite a bit. However, none of this seems to help create an underlying motivation and desire to do well and try hard. I hoped that would come a little bit more with some maturity. He operates very much on the "get through the next five minutes" theory of life. I know all this goes hand in hand with ADHD. But good lord it would all be easier if he cared about any of it. I'm not sure how much longer his father and I can baby step him through every.single.class and every.single.assignment.

Well you have some time to go still. It was not until 10th grade that my dc who is one of the oldest in the grade started taking responsibility for school work and 11th grade was staying up until 1 sometimes 2 in the morning to finish school work.

[Anonymous]

"I'm not sure how much longer his father and I can baby step him through every.single.class and every.single.assignment"

I don't know if it is in the budget but you might consider private school if it is. The time and attention that the teachers have is just so different.

[Anonymous]

I had to push my son all the way through high school. He began to mature and the work habits started to gel at some point after that, so while he never did as well in school as he could have, he ended up growing into a disciplined, hard-working, highly successful adult.

You will be very tired by the time he's grown. Hopefully your other kids are easier. My youngest kids are a breeze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I am rather relieved that my 12 year old son takes after both my husband and I, and shows no signs of puberty, apart from a few leg hairs and an increasing need for deodorant, and still has a charming willingness to play pretend with his much younger sister and anyone else.

Decades ago, when some children were working and others living a life of ease, it was considered normal for upper-class children to continue to play like this until well into their teens.

A word of warning, though: the homework procrastination and need to be micromanaged smacks of inattentive ADHD. Inattentive ADHD often correlates to a seeming lack of maturity.

I don't mind the playing with the siblings bit at all! It's just unusual that he still has interest in that, I think. He does have ADHD. It's medicated, we help him a lot of organizational strategies and work with him on it quite a bit. However, none of this seems to help create an underlying motivation and desire to do well and try hard. I hoped that would come a little bit more with some maturity. He operates very much on the "get through the next five minutes" theory of life. I know all this goes hand in hand with ADHD. But good lord it would all be easier if he cared about any of it. I'm not sure how much longer his father and I can baby step him through every.single.class and every.single.assignment.

I'm PP you responded to.
Does he want to do well in class and does he understand that this requires daily work, finishing assignments on time and getting good grades? Does he find school moderately interesting and is he motivated by his teachers? If he does, then the problem is executive functioning-related, and he needs coaching on how to organize himself and perhaps a tweak in his meds (they might not be sufficient to cover homework time).
My son for a long time could not act on his desire to do well, since his severe ADHD got in the way. Now he's medicated, he's a homework machine (still needs lots of help with long-term projects). Ever since he was small, there's been a routine in place: go home, snack, do homework, play (if time).

[Anonymous]

Your son sounds like mine. He is a rising senior now, and six feet tall. Still only shaves once a month and his pits are hairless.

He was definitely immature, which we respected since that is who he was. This did mean we hovered more during the early years of high school than many did, while teaching him the skills he just plain didn't have yet. I recommend some heavy involvement in making sure he develops good habits regarding his homework - ninth grade is unforgiving.

He caught up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son sounds like mine. He is a rising senior now, and six feet tall. Still only shaves once a month and his pits are hairless.

He was definitely immature, which we respected since that is who he was. This did mean we hovered more during the early years of high school than many did, while teaching him the skills he just plain didn't have yet. I recommend some heavy involvement in making sure he develops good habits regarding his homework - ninth grade is unforgiving.

He caught up.

I agree with this... we are in the same boat.

I might not call it maturity. I would say he was not savy, which made him look clueless and immature... believe me that testosterone helps change his interests.

[Anonymous]

sorry i just laughed when i saw the thread title...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our 13 year old DS (going to be 14 in September) has no signs of puberty at all (doctors confirmed). He is both small and a late bloomer, but nothing abnormal according to the endocrinologist we have seen.

He is also very immature. For example, he will still go outside and play superheroes with his much younger siblings (8 and 5). He is not at all mature when it comes to managing his homework and schoolwork.

When puberty hits, will some of this maturity come with it? I'm hoping that very soon, he will start to care about his schoolwork without the massive parental micro-managing it takes now to make sure most things are completed and handed in.

Maturity as far as interest in girls, over super heroes absolutely comes around the start of puberty.

However, their brains seem to fall out of their head at that point in their development. Combine that with the increased demands of HS, and many kids who previously did OK with managing homework and school work are no longer successful. Kids who were already struggling don't generally improve at this age.