What is going on - really worried

[Anonymous]

yay all's well that ends well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

How does he even know how much work they’re doing? He’s taking polls of all his public school friends and how much they work every night for each class? He knows everyone’s SAT scores?

Every school has kids that work harder than others. Private and public. Maybe your son has to spend more time to learn things than his friends. No shame in that, everyone is different.

My public school kids work hard, they spend a lot of time studying and they talk about what they’ve been learning at the dinner table, which tells me that they’re engaged with the content and making connections. They haven’t been to a private school to compare, but they’re hard working and well rounded and really bright. Public school kids aren’t a bunch of bumbling idiots who don’t deserve to go to college as much as your kid does.

Sorry but if you do club sports w/ kids, it’s pretty easy to see how much work they’re doing. My kid is the one declining the fun events at tournaments bc he has to do a ton of hw while his teammates don’t even bring backpacks or computers to long weekend tournaments. He can also see when there online playing games, the hundreds of messages and game invites sent in the team chats, etc. They can also sign up for a ton more fitness sessions and that type of thing bc they generally have minimal hw. I know not all public’s are like this, but ours definitely is

Hopefully, your kid doesn’t come across the way you do. Schools don’t want to build a class with kids with this attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

How does he even know how much work they’re doing? He’s taking polls of all his public school friends and how much they work every night for each class? He knows everyone’s SAT scores?

Every school has kids that work harder than others. Private and public. Maybe your son has to spend more time to learn things than his friends. No shame in that, everyone is different.

My public school kids work hard, they spend a lot of time studying and they talk about what they’ve been learning at the dinner table, which tells me that they’re engaged with the content and making connections. They haven’t been to a private school to compare, but they’re hard working and well rounded and really bright. Public school kids aren’t a bunch of bumbling idiots who don’t deserve to go to college as much as your kid does.

Sorry but if you do club sports w/ kids, it’s pretty easy to see how much work they’re doing. My kid is the one declining the fun events at tournaments bc he has to do a ton of hw while his teammates don’t even bring backpacks or computers to long weekend tournaments. He can also see when there online playing games, the hundreds of messages and game invites sent in the team chats, etc. They can also sign up for a ton more fitness sessions and that type of thing bc they generally have minimal hw. I know not all public’s are like this, but ours definitely is

NP, and I get what you're saying. My son is like yours, but in public school. He had a ton of work throughout HS and often passed up social events and breaks to do HW and study. We also didn't take a real vacation for the past 4 years, except for short road trips here and there. Breaks were spent catching up on schoolwork and other projects. I think this is more about the type of kids who were in the sport with your kid. Of course there are kids who work hard in both public and private, and also those who don't work hard at all in public and private. I have friends who take frequent vacations throughout high school and they're also the same ones who often share how their kids are struggling in their classes! Kids and families can make different choices.

Also some kids don’t work as hard because they are naturally smarter than the others. I get no parent wants to admit this but you shouldn’t simply assume that working less means the kid is struggling or that you have some moral high ground over their “different choices” of “frequent vacations.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

Anonymous wrote:This is one of my kids, and he keeps saying he should have switched to public for 11th & 12th. His friends from club sports who go to public do a fraction of the work he does, have straight As or A pluses (which our school doesn’t even give), lower SATs and are getting in to much better schools. I do think it matters who he’s competing vs at his school, and they can only take so mah from these smaller privates.

How does he even know how much work they’re doing? He’s taking polls of all his public school friends and how much they work every night for each class? He knows everyone’s SAT scores?

Every school has kids that work harder than others. Private and public. Maybe your son has to spend more time to learn things than his friends. No shame in that, everyone is different.

My public school kids work hard, they spend a lot of time studying and they talk about what they’ve been learning at the dinner table, which tells me that they’re engaged with the content and making connections. They haven’t been to a private school to compare, but they’re hard working and well rounded and really bright. Public school kids aren’t a bunch of bumbling idiots who don’t deserve to go to college as much as your kid does.

Sorry but if you do club sports w/ kids, it’s pretty easy to see how much work they’re doing. My kid is the one declining the fun events at tournaments bc he has to do a ton of hw while his teammates don’t even bring backpacks or computers to long weekend tournaments. He can also see when there online playing games, the hundreds of messages and game invites sent in the team chats, etc. They can also sign up for a ton more fitness sessions and that type of thing bc they generally have minimal hw. I know not all public’s are like this, but ours definitely is

NP, and I get what you're saying. My son is like yours, but in public school. He had a ton of work throughout HS and often passed up social events and breaks to do HW and study. We also didn't take a real vacation for the past 4 years, except for short road trips here and there. Breaks were spent catching up on schoolwork and other projects. I think this is more about the type of kids who were in the sport with your kid. Of course there are kids who work hard in both public and private, and also those who don't work hard at all in public and private. I have friends who take frequent vacations throughout high school and they're also the same ones who often share how their kids are struggling in their classes! Kids and families can make different choices.

Also some kids don’t work as hard because they are naturally smarter than the others. I get no parent wants to admit this but you shouldn’t simply assume that working less means the kid is struggling or that you have some moral high ground over their “different choices” of “frequent vacations.”

No moral high ground here. More power to kids who are super efficient and understand everything without studying. My kid is smart but still needs to study and also had some very unreasonable teachers. He would say the work was worth it... he was admitted early to his top choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yay all's well that ends well.

+1

This has been an endless thread but as expected OP's DD didn't need to be "really worried" ...

[Anonymous]

Phew ... was worried for OP!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Was OP's GPA a 3.7 or 3.8uw? There is a difference.

3.7uw is generally not competitive for Ivies even with ED. The guide for "private selective/feeder" HS that I've seen thrown around here tends to be mostly true (posted in other threads as well):

There’s a bit of private HS reputational variation, but here’s the general overview:
3.9+ = competitive for T10+
3.8+ = competitive for T11-20/25+
3.7+ = competitive for T25/30+

From our non-national-feeder but great DMV private, 3.7uw has no shot at T25-30, it is barely above average. 3.8uw is borderline for T25/30, have a decent shot if they have taken the most difficult courses in all areas. 3.9uw is in range for T20 yet quite borderline and not likely for T10. T10/ivy unhooked even with ED needs to have top10% GPA minimum which means one or two A-, rest A and A+, or 3.95+uw.
The OP needs to get data from their school. They likely made a poor list.

Your school has massive grade inflation. That is not typical in highly regarded private feeder high schools.

This is more typical than parents like to believe. Parents keep thinking that no one gets close to 4.0 but even in the toughest of schools, a few kids always get more than 3.95 and 3.7 to 3.8 gpa is average.

Agreed. We've been invaded by posters who say that a 3.95 is an impossible GPA at top privates but I don't think they're from the DMV. I know at both NCS and STA that a full 20% of the class is above a 3.9 or 93% (at STA). Maret too as I had a kid there. I don't know about Sidwell or GDS. I currently have an NCS junior with a 3.95 and she doesn't have the impression that her grades are unusual.

It's not impossible to get 3.95 uw at our daughter's competitive private in the SF Bay. They shared that 20% get 3.85-3.95, 20% get 3.7-3.84, and 60% get below 3.7. It's an academic HS as you needed high GPA and standardized test (SSAT) to get in in grade 8. I have no idea of whether the grading is inflationary or deflationary compared to other academic privates. But it is what it is!

+1 In our private school the GPAs are very high. For AP classes, if the kid gets a 5 on AP test, the grade for that class gets a bump often to an A, if the original grade is not an A. I would say half of the class have over 3.9 GPA. School doesn't weight GPA, average SAT is 1500. Kids start taking AP in 8-th grade (some taking Calculus AB). A 3.7 kid probably gets counseled out in 9th grade.

Wow that's so much more generous than our private. Like I said, at our SF Bay private school, less than 20% (not 50%) get over a 3.85, and no one gets their grade bumped up to an A just for getting a 5 on the AP test. I wish they did for college entry purposes! Like I said, 60% of our class gets below a 3.7.

School recognizes there are subjective elements in grades given in the class, emphasizes on the importance of standardized tests. Kids take on average 15 APs.
There is no hooks in the school, mostly immigrants' kids. A few exceptions are faculty's kids. No athletic recruits.

Sounds like Harker. Not surprised if they pulled stunts like the one that you are talking about.

Harker is such an exceptional school and turns out well-read, erudite students. They will succeed regardless of their university.

Harker turns out little STEM grinds to please their immigrant parents. But, it is very good at what it does.

My daughter, from a liberal arts high school, is at a T5 and says the Harker students are some of the few who understand the literary allusions she makes.

No they don’t. Except for Stanford (faculty kids) and MIT Harker only puts one or two per year into each T5 school. Odds of knowing that many Harker students is nil.

Reread your post. Stanford and MIT are both T5s.

Read the last sentence. The odds of knowing multiple Harker students at not T5 is pretty much nil. Not very many of them anywhere.

By your own admission, there are quite a few Harker students at Stanford and MIT. My daughter, attends one of those schools. She knows some Harker students and says they are bright and well-read. I’m not sure why you are insisting this is not true. But whatever.

Harker actually doesn’t have an overwhelming number of students at either of those schools - an average of 11 per year at Stanford and 4 at MIT.

The number of students at Stanford may seem high, but it’s lower than some Bay Area public schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was OP's GPA a 3.7 or 3.8uw? There is a difference.

3.7uw is generally not competitive for Ivies even with ED. The guide for "private selective/feeder" HS that I've seen thrown around here tends to be mostly true (posted in other threads as well):

There’s a bit of private HS reputational variation, but here’s the general overview:
3.9+ = competitive for T10+
3.8+ = competitive for T11-20/25+
3.7+ = competitive for T25/30+

From our non-national-feeder but great DMV private, 3.7uw has no shot at T25-30, it is barely above average. 3.8uw is borderline for T25/30, have a decent shot if they have taken the most difficult courses in all areas. 3.9uw is in range for T20 yet quite borderline and not likely for T10. T10/ivy unhooked even with ED needs to have top10% GPA minimum which means one or two A-, rest A and A+, or 3.95+uw.
The OP needs to get data from their school. They likely made a poor list.

Your school has massive grade inflation. That is not typical in highly regarded private feeder high schools.

This is more typical than parents like to believe. Parents keep thinking that no one gets close to 4.0 but even in the toughest of schools, a few kids always get more than 3.95 and 3.7 to 3.8 gpa is average.

Agreed. We've been invaded by posters who say that a 3.95 is an impossible GPA at top privates but I don't think they're from the DMV. I know at both NCS and STA that a full 20% of the class is above a 3.9 or 93% (at STA). Maret too as I had a kid there. I don't know about Sidwell or GDS. I currently have an NCS junior with a 3.95 and she doesn't have the impression that her grades are unusual.

It's not impossible to get 3.95 uw at our daughter's competitive private in the SF Bay. They shared that 20% get 3.85-3.95, 20% get 3.7-3.84, and 60% get below 3.7. It's an academic HS as you needed high GPA and standardized test (SSAT) to get in in grade 8. I have no idea of whether the grading is inflationary or deflationary compared to other academic privates. But it is what it is!

+1 In our private school the GPAs are very high. For AP classes, if the kid gets a 5 on AP test, the grade for that class gets a bump often to an A, if the original grade is not an A. I would say half of the class have over 3.9 GPA. School doesn't weight GPA, average SAT is 1500. Kids start taking AP in 8-th grade (some taking Calculus AB). A 3.7 kid probably gets counseled out in 9th grade.

Wow that's so much more generous than our private. Like I said, at our SF Bay private school, less than 20% (not 50%) get over a 3.85, and no one gets their grade bumped up to an A just for getting a 5 on the AP test. I wish they did for college entry purposes! Like I said, 60% of our class gets below a 3.7.

School recognizes there are subjective elements in grades given in the class, emphasizes on the importance of standardized tests. Kids take on average 15 APs.
There is no hooks in the school, mostly immigrants' kids. A few exceptions are faculty's kids. No athletic recruits.

Sounds like Harker. Not surprised if they pulled stunts like the one that you are talking about.

Harker is such an exceptional school and turns out well-read, erudite students. They will succeed regardless of their university.

Harker turns out little STEM grinds to please their immigrant parents. But, it is very good at what it does.

My daughter, from a liberal arts high school, is at a T5 and says the Harker students are some of the few who understand the literary allusions she makes.

No they don’t. Except for Stanford (faculty kids) and MIT Harker only puts one or two per year into each T5 school. Odds of knowing that many Harker students is nil.

Reread your post. Stanford and MIT are both T5s.

Read the last sentence. The odds of knowing multiple Harker students at not T5 is pretty much nil. Not very many of them anywhere.

By your own admission, there are quite a few Harker students at Stanford and MIT. My daughter, attends one of those schools. She knows some Harker students and says they are bright and well-read. I’m not sure why you are insisting this is not true. But whatever.

Harker actually doesn’t have an overwhelming number of students at either of those schools - an average of 11 per year at Stanford and 4 at MIT.

The number of students at Stanford may seem high, but it’s lower than some Bay Area public schools.

She’s been very impressed with the education of the Harker students she knows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My kid had very good news and got into a top 20 school ED 2. Don't want to name it to maintain privacy but they are thrilled. To all those still waiting, hang in there and it will work out! Thanks for all of the comments and thoughts. Much appreciated.

Congrats! Great result as expected!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Any updates?

They all disappeared. Not a single one came back reporting results.

OP first posted a week ago. They might not have an update yet. Hopefully come back in a couple of months with good news!

I was the one who asked the OP for updates, knowing quite a few schools released their outcomes toward the end of last week.

It’s normal to second guess after getting deferred by a safety (without having secured something you like). I took this opportunity to teach my kid the importance of resilience: keep working toward your goals amid setbacks. He will be grateful for experiences like this for personal growth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Any updates?

They all disappeared. Not a single one came back reporting results.

This is the first time I witnessed an OP came back, and with wonderful news too. Congrats!

Waiting for. red-state-family-planning lady to offer an opposing view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Any updates?

They all disappeared. Not a single one came back reporting results.

OP first posted a week ago. They might not have an update yet. Hopefully come back in a couple of months with good news!

I was the one who asked the OP for updates, knowing quite a few schools released their outcomes toward the end of last week.

It’s normal to second guess after getting deferred by a safety (without having secured something you like). I took this opportunity to teach my kid the importance of resilience: keep working toward your goals amid setbacks. He will be grateful for experiences like this for personal growth.

LOL, yes it’s just amazing how it all wrapped up with a happy ending within a week of op’s post. Fiction has a way of doing that.