Turning 40 next week and feeling depressed

[Anonymous]

I'm turning 40 next week and feeling depressed about it. I have a good life but there are a few things that didn't go as planned (such as my secondary infertility struggle in trying to have a second child). My goal was to decide whether or not we're pursuing adoption or donor egg with gestational surrogate by the time I turned 40 but I still cannot decide, it's such a big decision and I've been thinking about which path is better for months now. We've been TTC a second child for almost 4 years. I also feel very lonely and wish I had more close friends, and a better career.

[Anonymous]

You're 40.

Your life is over, and you haven't accomplished anything. We get it.

[Anonymous]

So make some friends.

Make a decision about the child.

Look for a new job.

You still have a long life ahead of you. Live it.

[Anonymous]

babe in the woods

50s are fantastic

[Anonymous]

I'm turning 40 next week too and am the opposite of you. I feel better at 40 than I did in my 20's. I struggled with depression and low self esteem. I decided to go to therapy and make some changes. It helped a lot. When my mom passed away 8 years ago, it really helped me to gain some perspective on what is important in life and helped me to learn to appreciate what I have.

if you are struggling, maybe therapy could help. You have the ability to change your life and your perspective if you choose to do the work. I hope you can find your happiness.

[Anonymous]

You're 40!

Look, I am the queen of self-pity. I get it, but! You can always make changes to your life. If you have your health and you have adequate resources, which are tremendous blessings to begin with, you can totally change your career and make friends. Just do it. One step at a time.

[Anonymous]

damn 12:25 - WTH did you even bother?

I just turned 40 last week. The next day, I got a new job.

I had been feeling down, too. My life didn't go anywhere near the way I thought it would.

Good luck with the secondary infertility decision. I went through that, as well. I eventually got pregnant on my own, rather unexpectedly. Her arrival was wonderful, but also an added wrinkle in how my life was going.

Take a couple hours to yourself - go get a manicure, a massage, something nice just for you. Maybe it will help clear your head a little?

[Anonymous]

I get it, I always get depressed around my birthday. Plan something nice for yourself OP. And remember it's just a day.

A friend reminded me once to appreciate that you're celebrating a birthday this year. Some people don't get that chance.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I definitely felt like I peaked in my mid-20s--now at 40 I feel old, washed up, dumpy and like I never reached my potential. I'm still trim and slim as I was in my early 20s but I haven't aged well (face and hair). My hair is thinning, I am prematurely gray (and have to color every 3 weeks), and my face looks old. My career never went anywhere. I feel very depressed about my secondary infertility problems. We have a nice birthday celebration planned but I still feel depressed about turning 40 and entering middle age.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am truly sorry about your secondary infertility. But entering middle age is not that terrible in and of itself. I am 42 and though my career isn't exactly what I had hoped and my life isn't perfect, I am married to a good guy, have a nice son, and have a few good friends. My face definitely looks old, and I'm unwilling to pay for botox, so that is what it is - I just try not to think about it too much.

[Anonymous]

so much naval gazing. insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:babe in the woods

50s are fantastic

LOL. The 40s were kind of depressing but the 50s have been much tougher. I hear it gets easier eventually, though that may be in the next life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:babe in the woods

50s are fantastic

LOL. The 40s were kind of depressing but the 50s have been much tougher. I hear it gets easier eventually, though that may be in the next life.

I'm sure death is easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're 40.

Your life is over, and you haven't accomplished anything. We get it.

u sooooo bad!!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry you're still feeling this way. I know you feel therapy didn't work for you before, but I'd encourage you to give it another try- specifically cognitive behavioral therapy.