What to do when you don't like the smell of your SO

[Anonymous]

I've been married for several years. We have beautiful children. We have some issues, some more serious than others, but we're doing our best to work through them, not just for each other, but in large part for the kids. So, here's the thing. Everyone has a natural body smell. Since the day we met I haven't liked his. It was enough to turn me off entirely, but our conversations were great and we continued on just being friends because of that. Eventually his personality completely won me over and we started dating and ultimately got married two years later. But my issue with his natural body smell never went away. I thought I would get used to it over time and it wouldn't bother me as much, if at all, but it's honestly gotten worse (not his smell, just my reaction). I sleep with a pillow between us so I don't have to smell it all night. Taking a shower doesn't change it. For reference, I loved the natural smell of my ex-boyfriend. I would curl up in his sheets when he would leave for work because I loved it so much. So it's not that I have an issue with natural smells generally.

I know there are some folks that will say this isn't an issue and I should get over it, but it is an issue for me. So I'm hoping to get some ideas that can help me cope with this for the rest of my life. It's clearly not getting any better as much as I hoped it would. And before you suggest cologne -- he doesn't wear any and he's not the kind of guy that would.

[Anonymous]

I think you should talk about it with him and be honest. I don't dislike DH's natural smell, but for a while, he was taking a medication that made him smell different, and I didn't like it. I brought it up and he started using a scented soap, which helped. Eventually he changed meds and the problem went away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should talk about it with him and be honest. I don't dislike DH's natural smell, but for a while, he was taking a medication that made him smell different, and I didn't like it. I brought it up and he started using a scented soap, which helped. Eventually he changed meds and the problem went away.

I couldn't bring it up with him. It would really hurt his feelings and he's not taking any medication. But that gives me an idea: buying some scented soap for the bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Uggg. This is so difficult. And, if you were on birth control, and aren't now, you might actually be smelling it MORE, especially when you are ovulating (I find that I'm way more sensitive to smell certain times of the month).

Is it anything he eats? Garlic, onion, beer? all make smells worse, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Uggg. This is so difficult. And, if you were on birth control, and aren't now, you might actually be smelling it MORE, especially when you are ovulating (I find that I'm way more sensitive to smell certain times of the month).

Is it anything he eats? Garlic, onion, beer? all make smells worse, IMO.

Yes! BEing on birth control actually affects the types of pheromones we're attracted to, which is crazy

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I'm not on birth control now... I actually never have been with him.

[Anonymous]

Huh - maybe you should try going on it! (...mostly kidding, I think.) But no, I don't have an answer unfortunately except to say pheromones are strongly influential - there's a biological component with whose smell we're attracted to and thus reproduce with. I can relate to having an ex whose smell I CRAVED. With my husband it's weird - sometimes I love his smell and sometimes I can take it or leave it. I'm not sure what changes...maybe diet? Maybe my hormones?

You said he won't wear cologne, but what about deodorant? Could you have him switch to a different brand? I know for me sometimes certain brands of deodorant seem to almost make my b.o. Worse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married for several years. We have beautiful children. We have some issues, some more serious than others, but we're doing our best to work through them, not just for each other, but in large part for the kids. So, here's the thing. Everyone has a natural body smell. Since the day we met I haven't liked his. It was enough to turn me off entirely, but our conversations were great and we continued on just being friends because of that. Eventually his personality completely won me over and we started dating and ultimately got married two years later. But my issue with his natural body smell never went away. I thought I would get used to it over time and it wouldn't bother me as much, if at all, but it's honestly gotten worse (not his smell, just my reaction). I sleep with a pillow between us so I don't have to smell it all night. Taking a shower doesn't change it. For reference, I loved the natural smell of my ex-boyfriend. I would curl up in his sheets when he would leave for work because I loved it so much. So it's not that I have an issue with natural smells generally.

I know there are some folks that will say this isn't an issue and I should get over it, but it is an issue for me. So I'm hoping to get some ideas that can help me cope with this for the rest of my life. It's clearly not getting any better as much as I hoped it would. And before you suggest cologne -- he doesn't wear any and he's not the kind of guy that would.

Here is your problem. You married him anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huh - maybe you should try going on it! (...mostly kidding, I think.) But no, I don't have an answer unfortunately except to say pheromones are strongly influential - there's a biological component with whose smell we're attracted to and thus reproduce with. I can relate to having an ex whose smell I CRAVED. With my husband it's weird - sometimes I love his smell and sometimes I can take it or leave it. I'm not sure what changes...maybe diet? Maybe my hormones?

You said he won't wear cologne, but what about deodorant? Could you have him switch to a different brand? I know for me sometimes certain brands of deodorant seem to almost make my b.o. Worse

Exactly. I think that's why my body was telling me to run in the other direction when we first met. But then, I guess it wasn't enough because I liked him once I got to know him. And now we have kids!

[Anonymous]

You couldn't try a diet change. Less meat and dairy. More fruit and tropical fruit like pineapple and mango. Not kidding. My dh smells so much better when he's not eating red meat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh - maybe you should try going on it! (...mostly kidding, I think.) But no, I don't have an answer unfortunately except to say pheromones are strongly influential - there's a biological component with whose smell we're attracted to and thus reproduce with. I can relate to having an ex whose smell I CRAVED. With my husband it's weird - sometimes I love his smell and sometimes I can take it or leave it. I'm not sure what changes...maybe diet? Maybe my hormones?

You said he won't wear cologne, but what about deodorant? Could you have him switch to a different brand? I know for me sometimes certain brands of deodorant seem to almost make my b.o. Worse

Exactly. I think that's why my body was telling me to run in the other direction when we first met. But then, I guess it wasn't enough because I liked him once I got to know him. And now we have kids!

That's tough! How is your sex life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You couldn't try a diet change. Less meat and dairy. More fruit and tropical fruit like pineapple and mango. Not kidding. My dh smells so much better when he's not eating red meat.

He actually eats really healthy. Not a lot of tropical fruits, but we just don't usually buy them. Can certainly try!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh - maybe you should try going on it! (...mostly kidding, I think.) But no, I don't have an answer unfortunately except to say pheromones are strongly influential - there's a biological component with whose smell we're attracted to and thus reproduce with. I can relate to having an ex whose smell I CRAVED. With my husband it's weird - sometimes I love his smell and sometimes I can take it or leave it. I'm not sure what changes...maybe diet? Maybe my hormones?

You said he won't wear cologne, but what about deodorant? Could you have him switch to a different brand? I know for me sometimes certain brands of deodorant seem to almost make my b.o. Worse

Exactly. I think that's why my body was telling me to run in the other direction when we first met. But then, I guess it wasn't enough because I liked him once I got to know him. And now we have kids!

That's tough! How is your sex life?

He's amazing in bed. Another reason I ended up with him I think (albeit just a piece of the package). We don't do it as much now (for a variety of reasons), but when we do it's good. The smell is still there, but it's easier to ignore when you're feeling good in other ways.

[Anonymous]

If it's truly his natural smell that you don't like then it might just be a chemistry thing - it sounds like sexual/romantic attraction wasn't what drew you to him. Someone who is sexually attracted to him would probably love his scent, just the way you loved your ex BF's.

You married him because he is a good man and companion and has a great personality so it's not likely you will ever enjoy his smell - it's a pheromone thing, which is just about mating and primal attraction.

Are you or have you been sexually attracted to him despite this issue? I don't know that there's much you can do besides focus on the positive things in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

NP - just echoing the diet comments - my DH stinks so bad when he is eating a lot of meat; heck, I almost never cook meat for that reason. lots of fruit, mild vegetables, grains and spices. also, my DH has some chronic health issues, and I can SMELL when they flare up. like, his sweat smells sour or something. anyway, if it has actually gotten worse, maybe think about whether he could use a physical.