Real life examples of "If you love someone set them free..." is it true?

[Anonymous]

Someone share real life examples of this quote that is tossed around so often.

[Anonymous]

The alternative is to like a total psycho.

[Anonymous]

Not doing your homework for you.

[Anonymous]

I wish my college boyfriend, who genuinely loved me, set me free. I wasn't all that into him, but like many 20 year olds, was into the idea of dating him. he was very much into the idea of me. Everytime I tried to get on with my life, he showed up on my radar and like a magnet pulled me back in. "JUst come out one night with me and my friends!" "i'll come over for dinner, but I swear just as friends". He ultimately did a year abroad and like 24 hours later was like a weight off my shoulders, I started dating someone else within a week (for the first time in 2 years), and six months later met my husband. The day he left was the day the rest of my life started. I wish he had "let me go" 2 years earlier, but I never had the strength to actively block his calls/emails.

[Anonymous]

The rest of the quote is something like "...if they return, they are yours; if they don't come back then they were never yours to begin with."

It's the idea that you love somebody enough to give them the space to live their own life and love them for who they are.

It's also the idea of fate or serendipity or whatever you'd like to call it: if it's meant to be, it will work out. That's not to say that you shouldn't try to make things work, but you also need to recognize when to back off.

[Anonymous]

Dump him because he won't get his shit together. Say call me when you get your shit together. 6 months later he has his shit together can calls you stating how much he missed you, needs you and loves you.

Then, 3 years into marriage he doesnt have his shit together and you have to run everything.

[Anonymous]

In my current relationship my fiance is free to hang out with his friends, free to pursue hobbies and pastimes, free FROM constant texts and nagging about his whereabouts or other things...so I guess you could say I've always let him be free and be himself. And he never had reason to leave.

[Anonymous]

The only real life example I know of is a chick I knew slightly in law school who told her long term boyfriend that if they didn't get engaged she was dumping him. He didn't want to so she told him to leave. A few weeks later, he showed up with a ring and they have been married now for years.

[Anonymous]

You are misinterpreting the meaning of the quote.

It doesn't mean that if you love someone, break up with them. It means to give them space to live their own authentic life, not to smother them, be jealous, or treat them like a Saudi Arabian wife. They should be with you out of love, not fear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are misinterpreting the meaning of the quote.

It doesn't mean that if you love someone, break up with them. It means to give them space to live their own authentic life, not to smother them, be jealous, or treat them like a Saudi Arabian wife. They should be with you out of love, not fear.

No, it means break up with them. It means quit holding on so tight that you don't know if they are there because they love you and want to be there or if it's because you have an iron grip on them.

My crew coach in college had been dating a guy for several years. He would not commit. So she broke up with him and took a job in FL. I know she played it very cool with him. He came down several times that year. By the end of the school year they were engaged.

But this only works if you 100% are truly ready to walk away and let them go. If you are doing it to be manipulative, it never works. They can feel that you are still attached and are just trying to manipulate them.

[Anonymous]

When I was 20 I was absolutely crazy insane over this girl, we made out a few times but she had a boyfriend and it never got further. I tried all sorts of ridiculous things to get her but nothing worked, I soon as I put my attention elsewhere (translation: having sex with 12 different girls over the summer) she started paying more and more attention to me. Every time I would return her affection she would sort of run the other way, eventually I threw up my hands and decided to move to DC.
When she found out she came to visit me, she stayed at my place and nothing happened but we had a really good time together. When she went back to New York on Monday she broke up with her boyfriend, she came back down the following Friday. That weekend we were finally together and she never left again; that was 24 years, three kids and two houses ago.
I read somewhere that affection flows in the direction of the unwilling, if you cool your jets he or she may come around or they may not, but the key is to be OK with it either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: When I was 20 I was absolutely crazy insane over this girl, we made out a few times but she had a boyfriend and it never got further. I tried all sorts of ridiculous things to get her but nothing worked, I soon as I put my attention elsewhere (translation: having sex with 12 different girls over the summer) she started paying more and more attention to me. Every time I would return her affection she would sort of run the other way, eventually I threw up my hands and decided to move to DC.
When she found out she came to visit me, she stayed at my place and nothing happened but we had a really good time together. When she went back to New York on Monday she broke up with her boyfriend, she came back down the following Friday. That weekend we were finally together and she never left again; that was 24 years, three kids and two houses ago.
I read somewhere that affection flows in the direction of the unwilling, if you cool your jets he or she may come around or they may not, but the key is to be OK with it either way.

if you cool your jets he or she may come around or they may not, but the key is to be OK with it either way.

this right here

[Anonymous]

People break up for a reason. I think people do occasionally get back together, but they are the exception to the rule. I'd never tell a friend it was a GOOD idea to get back with an ex.

[Anonymous]

The saying reads well in your EMO teen diary but in reality you dodged a bullet.

Example

I was head over heals in crushing love with a guy in high school. On and off dating, no sex. I saw him regularly through the years and he once told me to call him when my husband died.

He passed away a few years ago. He was gay and had AIDS. NEVER KNEW. God he had a beautiful face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: When I was 20 I was absolutely crazy insane over this girl, we made out a few times but she had a boyfriend and it never got further. I tried all sorts of ridiculous things to get her but nothing worked, I soon as I put my attention elsewhere (translation: having sex with 12 different girls over the summer) she started paying more and more attention to me. Every time I would return her affection she would sort of run the other way, eventually I threw up my hands and decided to move to DC.
When she found out she came to visit me, she stayed at my place and nothing happened but we had a really good time together. When she went back to New York on Monday she broke up with her boyfriend, she came back down the following Friday. That weekend we were finally together and she never left again; that was 24 years, three kids and two houses ago.
I read somewhere that affection flows in the direction of the unwilling, if you cool your jets he or she may come around or they may not, but the key is to be OK with it either way.

if you cool your jets he or she may come around or they may not, but the key is to be OK with it either way.

this right here

+1

To me this whole quote was much more about acceptance as the dumpee in a breakup - not that you are supposed to dump someone you love, but rather, that you should accept them leaving - that your acceptance (going away nicely, not being a stalker, etc.) is your gift out of love for them: letting them go pretty easily despite your own deep pain/hurt.

This is what "Cool your Jets" is all about. There is - as a PP mentioned - a kind of law of attraction that has to do with a distancer/pursuer dyamic. Constantly being the pursuer - despite rejection - is a sign of low self-esteem or self-respect. High self-esteem, aka "confidence" is attractive; low self-esteem is not. This is the dynamic the MRA/red-pillers try to get at with "negging" or ignoring women they are attracted to.

In the case of being dumped, having some dignity about it is a sign of self-respect/esteem, and so if you "set them free" they might actually come back. If you don't - not only will you be embarrassed later when you get over the hurt, but you'll pretty much confirm for them that they made the right choice in dumping you.