My Son Hit a Girl Today WWYD?

[Anonymous]

5 year old DS in K. Little girl was apparently harassing him and grabbing him by the collar in line (he actually had red burn marks on his neck from it). Apparently he turned around and decked her when she wouldn't stop. The girl is very small and DS is average size. I know gender shouldn't matter, but it bothers me more that he hit a girl who is smaller, no matter what a PITA she is. I am not sure how to discipline him bc it was in self-defense and he is not a typically violent kid. This was the first incident like this. he has sisters at home, and is really good with them.

[Anonymous]

If he is not normally violent and it's not an issue at home, I would give him a talking to about how hitting is not ok and move on. Don't punish him unproportionately if he was defending himself.

[Anonymous]

It wasn't in self-defense -- there were lots of things he could have done: stepped away from her, gotten a teacher's attention. I would talk to him about choices when someone is bothering you and what he could do next time (and that's true whether the person bothering him is a boy or a girl).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he is not normally violent and it's not an issue at home, I would give him a talking to about how hitting is not ok and move on. Don't punish him unproportionately if he was defending himself.

Agreed. And honestly gender has zero to do with it, particularly at this age. Don't saddle him with it.

[Anonymous]

What course of action would you have preferred he'd taken when a peer was physically handling him in a rough manner such that it left marks on his skin?

Run away and gone to his teacher? Would that have been a feasible way for him to extricate himself from the harassment?

Whatever you would have preferred, tell him that. Talk to him about it and explain. Have a dialogue with him. I'm not sure why he would be disciplined for self defense when someone was essentially choking him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:5 year old DS in K. Little girl was apparently harassing him and grabbing him by the collar in line (he actually had red burn marks on his neck from it). Apparently he turned around and decked her when she wouldn't stop. The girl is very small and DS is average size. I know gender shouldn't matter, but it bothers me more that he hit a girl who is smaller, no matter what a PITA she is. I am not sure how to discipline him bc it was in self-defense and he is not a typically violent kid. This was the first incident like this. he has sisters at home, and is really good with them.

Of course gender matters. Boys shouldn't hit girls. Jesus. Shame him a little.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he handled it. No need to do anything else.

[Anonymous]

Gender doesn't matter, but size matters! DS is tiny for his age, and any person much bigger than him could do some damage.

How was it handled in class? They should both a apologized to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:5 year old DS in K. Little girl was apparently harassing him and grabbing him by the collar in line (he actually had red burn marks on his neck from it). Apparently he turned around and decked her when she wouldn't stop. The girl is very small and DS is average size. I know gender shouldn't matter, but it bothers me more that he hit a girl who is smaller, no matter what a PITA she is. I am not sure how to discipline him bc it was in self-defense and he is not a typically violent kid. This was the first incident like this. he has sisters at home, and is really good with them.

Of course gender matters. Boys shouldn't hit girls. Jesus. Shame him a little.

OP please don't listen to the idiot above. I beg you. I loathe people like this.

[Anonymous]

Girls should not hit boys and vice versa. Gender has nothing to do with it. He treated her like a person and not as a "girl." When will people stop stereotyping? Tell him to tell the teacher first next time, but I wouldn't punish him at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gender doesn't matter, but size matters! DS is tiny for his age, and any person much bigger than him could do some damage.

How was it handled in class? They should both a apologized to each other.

Gender and size don't matter. My daughter has been trained to fight, she's a small girl and she fights (and wins) against boys three times her size/weight.

The point is the OPs son didn't know how to resolve the situation verbally or by walking away so he hit. OP, do you practice conflict resolution with your child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Girls should not hit boys and vice versa. Gender has nothing to do with it. He treated her like a person and not as a "girl." When will people stop stereotyping? Tell him to tell the teacher first next time, but I wouldn't punish him at all.

Disagree. Girls are different them boys. Celebrate it. Love it!

And tell the teacher? FIRST! Teach your child how to resolve conflicts on their own. SECOND walk away. And if that doesn't work tell the teacher. Last, fight. Because eventually, there will come a time your child's life where he/she may need to know how to fight. But, you want to teach your child that hitting is the last resort.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the insights and comments. I have mixed feelings about this. And while I agree gender shouldn't matter, something about him hitting a girl does sit uneasy with me. So, yes, we had a long conversation about it, and he got very upset. He said that this girl was bothering him all day, and wouldn't stop "choking him" in line. He said he told her to stop and she didn't. So he punched her. Ugh. I told him next time he should tell a teacher or other adult who is supervising. He said he tried to do that, but got yelled at for getting out of line.

At first, the school only notified me of the "incident." They too were surprised because it is very uncharacteristic of my son to behave that way. He is not a kid who has ever been in trouble or is physical at all.

When I picked him up, and he told me what happened, and I saw that he had red marks on his neck, I showed the school staff the red marks. At that point, i was upset, because clearly she was hurting my kid! And then they called the girl's parents too. Apparently the girl does this type of thing a lot...she hides behind her small size but is the instigator.

[Anonymous]

Boys don't hit girls and if my boys see a bigger boy hitting a girl they need to try and defend the girl. That's what my boys have heard from the time they were little. Of course gender matters. If it were my boy he would be in big trouble. If I heard that a boy in my son's grade hit a smaller girl I wouldn't want my boy ever hanging around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gender doesn't matter, but size matters! DS is tiny for his age, and any person much bigger than him could do some damage.

How was it handled in class? They should both a apologized to each other.

Gender and size don't matter. My daughter has been trained to fight, she's a small girl and she fights (and wins) against boys three times her size/weight.

The point is the OPs son didn't know how to resolve the situation verbally or by walking away so he hit. OP, do you practice conflict resolution with your child?

OP again. From what I understand happened (again this is coming from a 5 year old), the kids were lined up after lunch. The girl was behind him in line and had been bothering him on and off all day. At that point, in line, she started choking him (enough to leave red marks on his neck). He told her to stop, and tried to tell the teacher/assistant/whoever was watching the kids. I think it happened around lunch/recess so not the actual teacher. When he got out of line, whoever was supervising yelled at him to get back into line, so he did, and punched the girl instead.

Yes, I am going to discuss how he should handle this type of situation. Next time, he should go and tell the adult, even if it means getting out of line.

But still he shouldn't have hit her. I am just surprised he did.