Need opinions on family visits

[Anonymous]

Husband and I live in a 900 square foot two bedroom condo and all our family live far away, most of them in California. In the past when our parents have come to visit we would sleep on an air mattress in the office and give them our bed. The office is now becoming the nursery. All three sets of parents (mine, his mom and stepdad and dad and stepmom) are planning to visit for a week at a time each after our baby arrives. I know the baby will be sleeping in our room, but I feel like it will be too much to have three weeks of parents sharing our small apartment. At the same time, I feel guilty asking them all the rent hotel rooms after they have paid to fly out here to meet our child.
For those of you that have had children before I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Would it be way too much to offer to let the parents stay in the nursery on our air mattress? Will I drive myself crazy by doing this?

[Anonymous]

Hey! I too lived in a 2 bedroom condo when we had DC#1 (860 sq ft!), and turned the guest room/office into the nursery, and had family come out from California (are you sure you're not me in a time machine?). And I would have gone off my freakin' gourd if I'd had people staying with us. Really. The baby was crying at all hours of the day and night, I was wandering around like a zombie, half-dressed, looking like hell, post-partum hormones raging, trying to make a major life adjustment. There are surely people who could make this work -- no way I ever could. And I LIKE my family (and my in-laws).

Our in-laws stayed with my BIL and SIL, who do have the space (lucky for us, I know). My parents negotiated a pretty good weekly rate at a B&B not far away. They were at our place a fair amount and were very helpful with cooking and cleaning and holding the baby, but it was helpful for us all, I think, to be able to separate at times. If they do stay with you, come up with errands/outings to send them on. Do not feel bad at all about retreating into your bedroom for hours and hours at a time, as needed. And think of some way to muffle the sound at night so they can sleep and you're not worrying about waking them up.

With three groups coming (and not overlapping?), you could find a B&B or extended stay place and try to get a good 3-week rate... might not be too bad.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Could you post an ad in your condo building stating you'd like to sublet another condo? Could be some of your neighbors are going to be on vacation or traveling for work and might welcome the additional income.

[Anonymous]

definitely put them in a hotel. try priceline.com for a cheap rate. if it were one set of parents for one week, i'd say maybe it would work to have them stay with you but 3 weeks is just way too much.

[Anonymous]

My SIL just delivered 5 weeks ago and she was saying they had house guests for 26 days straight. Her husband was counting. While she was happy to have help, it did get old. I'd find somewhere other than your condo for them to stay.

[Anonymous]

I am due next week and have 3 sets of parents staggering their visits. They are all staying in hotels, trust me they are so excited to meet their new gran baby its a small price to pay. Like pp I didn't want to have to worry about if they were comfortable sleeping ( we have one guest bedroom aside from the nursery) also the thought of doing laundry loads of sheets and towels and making sure we had enough food on hand (even if they were to prepare it) was overwhelming to consider.

Don't feel guilty I think you will drive yourself crazy with no true down time. It's just a point in your life where you have the right to be a little selfish and put you and your family's needs first. I think at the end of the day they will appreciate a quiet hotel room and some space as well.

Final thought, have you discussed it with them? For two sets of our parents they never assumed they would stay out our house so just having the discussion helped clear things up.

[Anonymous]

Good God, woman, for the love of baby and your sanity, PUT THEM IN A HOTEL!!

The baby will be awake every couple hours, you will be crazed, you may or may not be needing the bathroom more than usual to deal with after-delivery bodily issues--just find a way to make it happen. It will save your relationship with your families, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

I would lean towards a hotel, but it also depends on what type of guests they are. My mom, for example, was amazing. She cleaned my house from top to bottom, did all the laundry including sheets and towels so everything was all set for my in-laws to arrive, cooked dinner every night with double portions so we'd have tons of food in the freezer, went grocery shopping the day before she left so we were all stocked up, helped get the fussy baby to sleep, and made sure I always had a glass of water, a snack, whatever I needed.

My in-laws, on the other hand, barely lifted a finger and drove me crazy the whole week they were here.

If there is any chance that the parents are the type who won't help out, or if they already get on your nerves somewhat, then definitely, DEFINITELY suggest a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Definitely get a hotel -- you will want time alone for you and your husband to get adjusted to the new baby.

My MIL stayed with us for a week after DS was born and it was great -- she was TONS of help, cleaned the house twice, cooked dinner, etc... but by the end of the week, I really wanted her out of my house (we had a 2bdrm so she slept in our bed and we slept on a futon in the nursery) and the bathroom to myself (constipation post delivery meant I clogged the toilet TWICE while she was here -- embarrassing).

While it may be helpful to have your mom or MIL stay, it would be hard to explain to other parents why "x" could stay at the house, but they need to stay at the hotel -- to be fair, I'd have them all stay at the hotel.

Those who are helpful will always be helpful, regardless of where they are sleeping at night.

[Anonymous]

Do not, under any circumstances, treat them as houseguests. They plan and prep the meals, they wash their own sheets and towels upon departure and, for the love of God, they either deal with the nighttime noise or they stay somewhere else. You will make yourself nuts if you try to put the needs of grown adults above those of a weeks-old baby.

If you think that any of them will have trouble with this, suggest a compromise -- they come and stay in air-mattressed splendor for a day or two to get their 24-hour baby fix, then retire to a hotel when their backs and sleep cycles can't take any more.

[Anonymous]

Any guests who come to stay with new parents who've just brought home a baby should be prepared to really help - cooking, cleaning, taking the baby for a few hours so mom or dad can get in a nap or a shower, or whatever else is needed. My mom stayed with us for a week and a half after my daughter was born in May, and while she was helpful in many ways, it was also really hard having company staying with us in the early days. My dad offered to stay in a hotel when he visited, and it made for a much more relaxed visit for all of us - even if you really love and have a good relationship with the people who are planning to visit you, you may find that you really need a break from having guests in your home, and when people are staying with you that can be really hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would lean towards a hotel, but it also depends on what type of guests they are. My mom, for example, was amazing. She cleaned my house from top to bottom, did all the laundry including sheets and towels so everything was all set for my in-laws to arrive, cooked dinner every night with double portions so we'd have tons of food in the freezer, went grocery shopping the day before she left so we were all stocked up, helped get the fussy baby to sleep, and made sure I always had a glass of water, a snack, whatever I needed.

My in-laws, on the other hand, barely lifted a finger and drove me crazy the whole week they were here.

If there is any chance that the parents are the type who won't help out, or if they already get on your nerves somewhat, then definitely, DEFINITELY suggest a hotel.

Agreed. My mother is a dynamo and when she came down after #1, she never stopped. In the days before the baby came, she painted our woodwork "for something to do." On the other hand, my MIL was a needy as having another child in the house. She would literally sit there and starve rather than fix herself a sandwich. She let the baby sit in poop until my husband finished his shower because she "couldn't find the diapers." (That stack of white things on the changing table? Um, that's them.)

[Anonymous]

I vote hotel.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely a hotel or find some other arrangements. Having been through this twice with very unhelpful in-laws, I can't tell you how ovewhelming it can be. My in-laws expect to be treated like houseguests and are absolutely zero help with either basic house stuff or the baby. With #1, it almost destroyed our relationship as I was totally unprepared for how unhelpful they would be and completely overwhelmed with being a new mom, breastfeeding, etc. With #2, I was prepared and put off their visit until the baby was around 6 weeks and even then it was hard but at least I was prepared. With #3, not sure what we're going to do as we'll have 3 under 4 but very seriously leaning towards a hotel. I feel some level of guilt given the expense but my sanity takes precedence.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for hotel. At least you have the excuse of having a small space! That wins you extra sympathy points. My husband and I have two extra guest bedrooms in our house, and I still won't countenance the thought of either my parents or my husbands' parents staying with us for a week (or weeks) at a time while we're already struggling to adjust to a very new life. I get stressed out enough over houseguests as it is; I don't need or want the added stress along with a new baby to care for. If my parents/ in-laws want to see the kid that badly, they'll spring for a hotel.