Need opinions on family visits

[Anonymous]

I've banned visitors at home for at least the first week after baby comes. I can't imagine being able to be civil to my husband much less family members while still bleeding, trying to learn to breastfeed, and getting 2 hours of sleep at a time. Uh-uh, no way.

Plus, I think it's odd that parents would want to sleep on an air mattress at an apartment when they could easily get a hotel room. But, maybe it's just my family.

[Anonymous]

OP here... thanks so much for all the opinions! We've been saying from day 1 that everyone should expect to stay in a hotel, but then I started feeling guilty while researching hotel options for them. They all seem prepared to pay for a place to stay though and I agree that it might be best for my sanity (and future relationships with them!) to have them do so. Really appreciate all the comments!

[Anonymous]

We changed the guest room/office into a nursery/guest room, with a futon. But then we like (most) guests. My mother stayed with us for 6 weeks after the birth, cleaning, cooking, changing diapers, providing helpful suggestions when we didn't know what to do. Guests don't have to be a bad thing.
But you know who will be helpful. Do what is best for YOUR family.

[Anonymous]

I am with 13:03 - I've told my in laws to wait a couple of weeks before they come to town (my parents live here) because more likely than not I'll be cranky and won't be able to put up with much. We do have a guest room in the basement (we have a house), but I am going to suggest 1) that they have activities planned for while they are here, because I am not going to find entertainment for them and 2) that if they want to stay for more than a few days they may want to look into a hotel. I am a firm believer that everyone should have separate corners they can retreat to.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the response but I had your same situation OP - small guest room that was turned into the nursery when baby came. My in-laws stayed in a hotel but my mom stayed with us when she came, even though I was nervous about it. She was a HUGE help and it turned out to be great for us. She cleaned, cooked, and got up early with the baby so I could sleep in. She was exhausted when she left! So, I'd only have people stay with you if you think they would help and you wouldn't be embarrassed to have them see you unkempt and in your PJs (for me, not my inlaws). Otherwise go the hotel route and do not feel guilty at all. They should understand and will be so happy for baby that they probably won't think twice about it.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for the hotel. It's wonderful to have family visit - especially if they actually help! - but much better if they stay elsewhere. You will all get more sleep and enjoy each other more. I thought I was going to lose my mind when my MIL stayed with us...

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've banned visitors at home for at least the first week after baby comes. I can't imagine being able to be civil to my husband much less family members while still bleeding, trying to learn to breastfeed, and getting 2 hours of sleep at a time. Uh-uh, no way.

Plus, I think it's odd that parents would want to sleep on an air mattress at an apartment when they could easily get a hotel room. But, maybe it's just my family.

It's also money. My mother can't afford to stay at a hotel for a week. She wouldn't love an air mattress on the floor, mind you, but to be here and see the baby, she'll manage. Last time she came down for the delivery and stayed on my couch for 10 days. This time she's coming down a few days after and will be bunking in the toddler's full size bed.

[Anonymous]

I second the suggestion someone had about subletting. We were in a 1B apt when our DD arrived, and since we couldn't have anyone stay with us and had similar alternating visits, we sublet a 1B just up the street from us for a month. BEST decision ever - everyone loved it. We got to have some space to ourselves, and our visitors had a place to retreat to as well - and since they weren't being woken up by a screaming baby, they had more energy to help us. And we never had to feel guilty asking folks to give us some space in the apt, since they had somewhere else to go. Plus it meant my folks could bring their dog with them, which made it easier for them to visit.

We've since moved to a house with a guest room and so actually have more space for visitors, but it's close quarter on our 2nd floor, and the sublet worked SO well that we're actually considering it again for when #2 comes.

And if I remember the numbers, the month sublet was equivalent to like 10 hotel room nights, so definitely cheaper with the amount of visitors we had, especially since it also made things cheaper on the food front (folks would just have cereal, etc. at the apt instead of having to go out to restaurants).

FWIW, I used craigslist to find the sublet.

[Anonymous]

Do NOT feel guilty about having them stay in a hotel. You need to start standing up for yourself and what makes the sense for your new family. They should not feel bad paying for a room. This is a special time, and they should bemore than happy to do so. If not, they're really not thinking of YOU and taking YOU into consideration at all.

[Anonymous]

I think having them all at once sounds a bit crazy. Even having them visit at the same time and staying in the hotel is a bit crazy since they'll all be over at your place at the same time. That's just too much for when you're home with a newborn. I would recommend trying to coordinate so they come at different times, and giving yourself a few days off between visits.

For both my children, my in-laws waited like 2 weeks after the birth before coming to visit. I had my husband stay home with me for 2 weeks and then was glad to have them come as he returned to work. My parents are local and would come in and out but we never had more than 2 people who needed to stay.

Trust me, you will need your space and some quiet - I think having 6 people stay with you is just too much.

[Anonymous]

Ask them to go to a hotel. As a new mom, your comfort is more important. When the baby is little, you will need a lot of privacy to get the whole BF thing down, and you will just need your space. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

It's going to absolutely be too much for you if they stay with you. We also live in a 2 bd 975 sf condo. We always welcomed visitors before, but now we do not have anyone stay with us (unless it's a friend coming in for the night to hang out with one of us). If you make it a standard rule (ie don't let one side of family stay with you and another one not), then I really think people would understand. Our families totally got it. It's too much to have guests with you and deal with a new baby.

[Anonymous]

Agree with a PP about staggering your times. I'm really close to my parents, but when they stayed with us the first week after I gave birth was too soon. You, your DH, and DC are getting used to your own new dynamic having guests over will complicate things.

[Anonymous]

Hotel. I agree with the PP. If the grandparents want to see the baby, they'll be willing to pay for a hotel. Besides, you'll want that time to bond with your baby, not entertain.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for not having them stay with you. I love the subletting idea - definitely would be cheaper. I don't agree with those posters who say you need to treat everyone the same. While having a "policy" and treating everyone the same would probably make life easier, if you have a close relationship with your mom and you really want her to stay with you, that's the new mother's perogative. It's not about hurt feelings, who has priority, etc., but instead about who can best help you to recover and help you and your partner transition into parenthood. Don't forget that visitors might prefer a hotel, so they can get a solid night's sleep!