Need opinions on family visits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's also money. My mother can't afford to stay at a hotel for a week. She wouldn't love an air mattress on the floor, mind you, but to be here and see the baby, she'll manage. Last time she came down for the delivery and stayed on my couch for 10 days. This time she's coming down a few days after and will be bunking in the toddler's full size bed.

Your mom sounds awesome!

[Anonymous]

Here is some advice from the trenches (my in-laws are in town right now and our firstborn is 10 days old!). HOTEL! If things get hoary and you need a hand, I guarantee grandma would be happy to crash on your couch one or more of the nights. But otherwise, it's tough to be entertaining all of the time. And we have a guest room and an additional pull out couch in our finished basement and I STILL vote hotel. Thing is, I love my in-laws, but it's hard to have someone on top of you for that long. I just think it is truly best for everyone to maintain your own living space. Trust me, that is hard enough. My MIL is actually bogarting the baby so badly that it's driving us nuts. I take him back when I want him (and have him for feedings) but then nobody else in the family is getting any time and my husband was very upset yesterday when he realized that he'd only held DS for about 10 minutes. At least when they go home to the hotel we don't feel like we have to wrestle our new baby off of a grandparent or feel guilty about depriving grandparents their chance to bond, etc. And the same goes for me as a PP, for those night feedings / diaper changes, I've been walking around semi-deranged with all manner of boobs out from our room to the changing table and don't want to encounter my FIL!

My own parents cannot afford to stay at a hotel so we are thinking about paying for one. They haven't been here yet, so we'll figure that out soon!

Good luck finding that balance. Still, I definitely vote hotel. They should understand!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It's also money. My mother can't afford to stay at a hotel for a week. She wouldn't love an air mattress on the floor, mind you, but to be here and see the baby, she'll manage. Last time she came down for the delivery and stayed on my couch for 10 days. This time she's coming down a few days after and will be bunking in the toddler's full size bed.

Your mom sounds awesome!

She really is. I'm incredibly lucky.

[Anonymous]

What would you do if you DID have the room for guests? We have two empty guest rooms, so if we were to ask my parents to stay in a hotel they'd be like "seriously? Pay DC-area hotel prices when you have two empty guest rooms?" Maybe it's just my parents, but I think they would be highly insulted.

anyone do this even though you actually had the space but just didn't want folks in the house?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if you DID have the room for guests? We have two empty guest rooms, so if we were to ask my parents to stay in a hotel they'd be like "seriously? Pay DC-area hotel prices when you have two empty guest rooms?" Maybe it's just my parents, but I think they would be highly insulted.

anyone do this even though you actually had the space but just didn't want folks in the house?

Our DD is due in November and we have made it perfectly clear to all parents, friends, etc that they need to make other housing arrangements. Yes, we have the space, but I would prefer to keep the house guest free. Obviously we have given a lot of notice so everyone can get over hurt feelings. It "helps" that I have had a very difficult pregnancy thus far and have expressed the importance of down time throughout the process--especially in the first few weeks. I have several friends who have had babies in recent months and have heard a consistent pattern of parents and well meaning family members staying with the new parents, apparently with the intention of helping, but instead become an imposition. It seems to create alot of hurt feelings on both sides. I hear you on DC prices of hotels but I'd prefer to deal with miffed feelings on the hotels then unfulfilled expectations surrounding those precious and precarious first few weeks.

[Anonymous]

I envy you that your divorced/remarried parents are neatly staggering their visits without fuss! I think mine are turning it into a battle for who-gets-to-be-the-best-grandparent. We don't even have room for an air mattress so their only option is a hotel, but I would suggest the same for you. You will have a new baby to take care of! You do not need to divide your energies into making your parents feel "at home" in your home. Don't feel like you are being ungracious, either. It is very nice of them to come up to meet your baby, but they get something out of it, too! This is their time to support you as you support your new little one, not the time for you to take care of them all.

[Anonymous]

Subletting an apartment/studio in the same building or near by would be ideal.

It won't be very expensive and you'll have some breathing space.

Also, in the beginning you are still recovering and the baby wants to feed all the time. So if you don't want to flash your father in law and if you are all in a small space it is very difficult!