18 year old out of control
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Anonymous
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A close family member of mine has a son who recently turned 18 and is a senior in high school. I've known this kid his whole life, and he's always been respectful and loving towards his family, but as soon as he turned 18 its as if a switch went off in his head. He has been disrespectful and rude, breaking house rules on purpose and then laughing about it when confronted, and eventually moving out after continuously disrespecting his parents and their rules. He's now living with his girlfriend and her mother, his parents have taken back the car and he doesn't have an income. The girlfriend's mom gave him her credit card in defiance because she is supporting this rebellious behavior for some reason.
This is all a lot to handle, but recently it was discovered that this kid is also involved in stealing people's credit card information and has been taking photos of his own family's credit cards and using them to transfer money into his accounts and his friends accounts. I think him and everyone around him need to be taught a lesson and that the cops should be involved, but apparently my approach is considered over the top. What would you do if you were in this situation (as parents or close family)? |
Anonymous
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What would I, personally, do if this were my 18 year old child or close relative? Most likely I would not involve the police.
Based on your post, it sounds like the individuals from whom this young man has stolen credit card information have all been family members. In that case, I would cancel & replace my card and take precautions to prevent him gaining access to the new one. I would not report my close relative to law enforcement for a financial crime against only family, nor would I encourage other relatives to do so (although I acknowledge that they'd be perfectly within their rights if they did). I would significantly limit my contact with the relative committing this fraud/theft, and I would make it clear to him that his behavior was the reason. If he had also stolen the credit card information of people outside of our close family, I would feel a divided responsibility both to my relative and to his victims. In that scenario, I think I would first work with my extended family to try to get legal representation in place on standby for the young man and then anonymously inform his victims of what may have occurred to their credit card information. Aside from the stealing of credit card information, the other behaviors you mentioned are obnoxious (rudeness, defying house rules) or unfortunate (moving out so suddenly, a seemingly deteriorating relationship with his parents) but not something I would consider a big deal or the business of anyone but him and whoever he's living with at the time. If an 18 year old does not wish to follow the rules established for the place he's living, moving out seems like the best choice to me. |
Anonymous
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He's 18. He's an adult. He's made the conscious decision to start acting like an asshole.
Well, the world is full of assholes. He'll soon learn that he's not the biggest or the best at it. Life can be a hard teacher when you insist on learning hard lessons. You don't own your kids failure. |
Anonymous
OP here...this is my philosophy too. His parents did their best in providing a stable, healthy and nurturing childhood for him. It's unfortunate that he turned out to be an asshole. I feel for them, but I also feel that if he wants to play adult then he should face adult consequences. |
Anonymous
| If he has stolen peoples credit card info and used it I would involve the Police |
Anonymous
Agree. That's not behavior that can be brushed off as stupid youthful nonsense. |
Anonymous
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Going to prison will make him a criminal for life.
Not that I know the answer... |
Anonymous
| Drugs? |
Anonymous
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You actually have to wonder - onset of schizophrenia?
It's about the right age for it. |
Anonymous
| Let his parents deal with this and if you have children, deal with yours. |
Anonymous
That's my thought, too. Sadly. |
Anonymous
| Yes, the "flipped switch" makes me think of the onset of mental illness. It's about the right age. |
Anonymous
Uh, he IS a criminal, if he stole from people. |
Anonymous
Agree Call the police. You're doing him a favor before he starts stealing from a future employer. If the girlfriend's mother wants to support him that her choice. She can bail him out and pay for his attorney. Family or not he has chosen to commit a crime. |
Anonymous
| What kind of trashy family would put up such a bum? What's the gf's deal? |