Physical abuse from IL???
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Anonymous
| I have been very minorly harmed by my MIL every time we see ILs. She'll grab my wrist, arm, or shoulder and squeeze it very hard to hurt me. But she always does it "lovingly" while saying "come here, I want to show you something." I've never been bruised but it's always red and sore afterward. I always say "ow" or please don't touch me, but she won't stop. Everyone always teases me and even DH thought I was being "overly sensitive". MIL is almost 70 and this has gone on for 8 years so she's old and not in great shape but somehow she takes her strength and physically hurts me so that I'm scared. Now today she grabbed our two year old daughter when we had dinner together tonight and she does seem to have a bruise on her arm where she grabbed her in the shape of the fingerprints. It's not clear -- like three blueish marks on her arm but our daughter was screaming. DH thinks I'm seeing things and I think he's blinded to things. The problem is that she doesn't seem to be physically abusive to anyone else, and according to DH, she never lost her temper (and I've never seen that either). What do I do? DH will never forgive me if I file a report and where is my "proof". Is this all in my head? Has this ever happened to anyone else? |
Anonymous
| Are you aware and up to date on her medical records or current health? Perhaps she has something going on neurological or with the nerves to her arms/hands that it's causing her to overcomp her grasp. She's 70 and not in great shape... Have you talked to her about it? |
Anonymous
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What your MIL used to do? Rock climber or what? She sounds extremely strong for a 70 years old.
Just from my perspective, you sound a bit dramatic and seems like you've already made up your mind that she's trying "to hurt you" and your response "please don't touch me" doesn't sound friendly at all either, but that's just me. |
Anonymous
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Don't go to all the family events. Let DH go on his own.
Now that you know what MIL does, don't get too close to her no matter what she says. Watch her arms like a hawk and be ready to dodge. Dress in multiple layers, like a thick sweater or jacket over a long sleeved blouse, so if she does grab you, you have some protection. Same for dressing DD. In the summer, tell her you and DD have poison ivy. |
Anonymous
| Ehhhh, you sound dramatic so you must be. It's in your head. |
Anonymous
| OMG I'd push her |
Anonymous
As tempting as that may be, don't do that. You don't want her have reason to charge you with assault. And you'd never, ever, hear the end of that from the ILs. Your DH will also have an issue with that. |
Anonymous
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Abuse requires intent and it sounds like she has none.
It does sound like you have intent to stir the pot for no good reason, though. |
Anonymous
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OP, c'mon.
Your mother in law is not trying to injure you. If her grip is too strong, you speak up with your mouth (in your face) and you state in words of the English language "Larla, not so strong please! You are hurting my hand/arm/shoulder" You sound like such a fucking prima donna. |
Anonymous
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I agree that abuse is overkill for what you describe.
This falls more under the category of unwanted hugs, and you deal with it in the same way. It's fine to speak up and step away if MIL wants to hold your arm/shoulder and you don't like it. Just do it with a smile and keep it light. In other words, be kind. If MIL is too rough with your daughter you can also speak up. But again, do so in a loving way. There's a big difference between reminding MIL to 'be more gentle with DD' and saying your daughter is being physically abused. Note that if the word "abuse" even crosses your mind (about the behavior you've described) then keep your mouth shut. Remind yourself that you are too emotional to have a rational conversation at that point. Seriously. |
Anonymous
| That would really annoy the hell out of me. And wrt my child, I'd tell MIL directly and explicitly to be more gentle. You can point out in a lighthearted way that she doesn't know her own strength and kids are fragile. Also point out that she doesn't want her grandchild to be afraid of her, so she needs to be gentle. |
Anonymous
LOL. Poison ivy? Sometimes this place makes me crack up. Just tell her to stop. And stop being so dramatic. |
Anonymous
| More context is necessary. Does this individual like you or not? If you sense that she doesn't, and never did, then this could well be her way of passively aggressively taking out her anger toward you. This type of overly hard grabbing happened to me and left light bruising sometimes. She knew what she was doing and I made it stop by saying something. Trust your instincts. |
Anonymous
| Not sure about what to do wrt to yourself. I'd keep saying ow and that she's holding you too tight. Remind her to be gentle with your kid. Old people don't know how pointy their fingers can be. My mil was holding my 1 year old and was holding her so tight since she was afraid to drop her she squeezed a little too much. I told her to be gentler and DH backed me up of course. |
Anonymous
| This is helpful. Maybe I am being dramatic and it is in my head. No, she's never once been outwardly mean to me, and definitely NOT to dd in 8 years. She's always been nice, in fact, spending a lot of time "doteing" on me and DD. But she seems to be physically aggressive with me -- and now that DD is walking faster, with DD too. She doesn't ever grab other people from the wrist or arm to "drag" them across the room constantly. But, like I said, she seems to spend her focus on me so she's not generally dragging anyone across the room. But, I do say ow and stop grabbing me and she won't let go and she laughs at me "I'm a 70 year old woman -- I can't be hurting you." |