SIL not telling me she's pregnant
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Anonymous
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Basically she has told her entire side of the family and my Mom, everyone except me. I don't live locally. It's been a month now, since everyone else was told. When she does finally decide I'm worthy of the news I know I should just congratulate her, but I really want to say "Congrats! Mom told me a month ago when you told everyone else in the family".
It would be different if it was my brother told my Mom and not me, but she went out of her way to tell my Mom (who I talk to every day so of course she told me) and has purposely excluded me. This is also the same SIL who planned my nieces birthday party when my flight was still in the air, so I couldn't attend. I had bought my flight 3 months in advance and live in a different country. My brother was upset about that, so i guess this is my punishment? My SIL goes by the 12 week rule to announce her pregnancy, yet it has been 12 weeks now and everyone knows except me. It's really kind of bizarre. My brother isn't allowed to tell anyone (I know this from her last pregnancy) so if she had not told my Mom (who she hates) this wouldn't bother me so much. SIL always talks about how she is all about family, and when she does something shitty she says oh you're wrong I'd never do that to family. I truly believe that she is all about family- her family. So I need to just not say anything when she decides I'm worthy of hearing the good news, right? |
Anonymous
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Stop being s dramatic. Everything doesn't have to be about you.
I would just email her and say, "Mom shared the good news! COngratulations. I hope you're feeling okay. I'm sure little Larla will be excited to have a sibling." |
Anonymous
| ^ Op here, that's actually a perfect response. Thank you!!! I'm going to use that one. But I'll wait until she tells me. |
Anonymous
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How often do you speak to her? I'm guessing not often, based on how much you dislike her. Have you spoken to your brother in this time? Has he told you?
Since you don't like each other, your relationship is really with your brother, and he should be conveying news. Also, since you don't speak, she may be presuming your mother told you, which she did. Unless your mother said "Jane said not to tell you thiis, so don't tell her I told you", I am unclear what the issue is. If you are the OP of the other thread about a birthday party that I recall a month or so back, I think you're the one who likes to bring the drama. |
Anonymous
NO! That's playing the game. Just send the email now. It's really okay. |
Anonymous
| Since she knows you talk to your mother every day she must know you know unless she swore your mother to secrecy (so maybe she's doing as a test of your mother and her trust worthiness???) Have you talked to your brother?? I don't get people who blame the IL's and excuse their own families complicity. To me - your take implies that your brother is so spineless that he would go along with his wife's edict and not tell you would even though he KNOWS you would take this as a hurtful punishment. If you haven't called/emailed your brother to give him an opportunity to tell you do it. Don't tell either that you know via your mom if you suspect they are testing her but stop giving your brother a pass. He really is "punishing you" as much or more than she is |
Anonymous
| OP here- My brother is actually quite spineless and afraid of his wife so I know he wouldn't tell me or anyone else without her permission. I talked to him on his birthday before he told my mom but he didn't say anything. They want money from my Mom to buy a bigger house (even thought my mom paid 100% for their current house) so my Mom suspects that's why SIL called to tell my Mom about the pregnancy. If it wasn't for the money, my Mom said she probably wouldn't know either. |
Anonymous
| I didn't feel the need to personally inform every member of my in laws family when I was pregnant. You sound dramatic and exhausting. |
Anonymous
| ^ The only people on my brother's side of the family are my Mom and myself. She told her entire extended family. My Mom was at a family event recently and everyone knew. |
Anonymous
[b] We Skype every week. I don't like SIL because of how she treats my Mom but I love the kids. |
Anonymous
| This isn't all about you. Maybe that's why she hasn't told you. |
Anonymous
| OK I'm one who questioned why blame for IL's only. But with your responses OP-you sound like you are trying to create a drama where there is none. Your take: brother is spineless but still procreating, your mother is clueless and paid for their first house without complaint and now will roll over and pay for second. |
Anonymous
| Why does she need to tell you personally? That's not a thing. You shouldn't expect a personal announcement. You are the one being weird about this. |
Anonymous
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Op here- I guess maybe I'm being dramatic and will own that if that's the DCUM consensus. That's why I came here anonymously (with details changed of course) to get a reality check before saying anything. I think I'm more hurt than anything, but I appreciate all the replies.
Mother has said she will not roll over and pay for another house. I think I'm upset about this latest slight because I have underlying feelings of dislike and disgust towards my brother and SIL who are entitled and think my Mom is their personal ATM. My Mom has finally had enough and is not giving them any more money. |
Anonymous
Don't do that. Don't make your mother the bad person here ESP when you said she's not great with your mom. I'm sorry OP, she shitty. Try not to take it personal but also don't go out of your way to be shitty back to her. |