My kid is a quitter

[Anonymous]

There I said it! MS DS can't handle any adversity. Band gets to difficult, he wants to quit. Soccer too challenging and friends seem better than him, he wants to quit. We encourage him to stick with it and to try to enjoy the process and not stress over it, but he refuses. I hate his attitude and inability to take on any adversity. Just venting.

[Anonymous]

Well, maybe he needs to be shown that it feels good to see something through to the end, however the end is defined.
So it's your job as a parent to help him navigate this a few times for different activities, before dropping him in disgust. Have you already done that?
Don't let him quit and offer an appropriate reward for finishing until the end of the year.
If you see he's really miserable about one of these activities, or that he needs more downtime and is overbooked, then you should rethink his schedule.

I have a child who gets very stressed when doing too many things at once (he has severe ADHD) so we accommodate that. We don't let him quit the couple of activities that he has, though.

[Anonymous]

I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

To the pp above: why wouldn't you allow your DD to quit something she hates? Two years is a pretty good commitment and I get not wanting her to be a quitter but, why make her do ice skating? Maybe if you back off she would find something she likes. Would you like to be forced to do an extracurricular activity just because someone else wants you to do it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

You'd better be careful with that... she might resent that heavy handedness for a very long time. Unless you think she secretly finds *some* joy in ice-skating, I would let it go already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

To the pp above: why wouldn't you allow your DD to quit something she hates? Two years is a pretty good commitment and I get not wanting her to be a quitter but, why make her do ice skating? Maybe if you back off she would find something she likes. Would you like to be forced to do an extracurricular activity just because someone else wants you to do it?

Did you miss where I said that she's been told she can quit if she replaces skating with something else? Because all she has to do is say "I want to take gymnastics/dance/soccer/Girls on the Run/karate/swimming" and I'll enroll her in that and she can stop skating.

BTW, she doesn't REALLY hate skating. She just doesn't have as much fun since her skating buddy quit, plus now that she's in the higher freestyle classes it's harder, and she is not good at not feeling progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

To the pp above: why wouldn't you allow your DD to quit something she hates? Two years is a pretty good commitment and I get not wanting her to be a quitter but, why make her do ice skating? Maybe if you back off she would find something she likes. Would you like to be forced to do an extracurricular activity just because someone else wants you to do it?

Did you miss where I said that she's been told she can quit if she replaces skating with something else? Because all she has to do is say "I want to take gymnastics/dance/soccer/Girls on the Run/karate/swimming" and I'll enroll her in that and she can stop skating.

BTW, she doesn't REALLY hate skating. She just doesn't have as much fun since her skating buddy quit, plus now that she's in the higher freestyle classes it's harder, and she is not good at not feeling progress.

Not PP you were responding to, but there are plenty of children out there who crave more downtime. Why do you absolutely want her to do something else? Is this the only activity she has outside of school?

Also, she's the kid and you're the adult. Why don't you help her out by suggesting something she's never been exposed to that you think she might like?

You're sounding a little cruel and tone-deaf, here, basically. And I'm a Tiger parent.

[Anonymous]

I wish my parents forced me to practice more. I could have been really legit at piano and soccer but I was such a lazy kid. My parents never made us do anything.

[Anonymous]

OP I am a quitter too and I regret everything I ever quit, from ballet age 6 when it hurt my feet but the director of the school said I was a "natural"and I was, even with the first three toes the same length, to many other things as an adult...

My DS has tendencies to do this too, but his dad is not a quitter, he is a "see it through to the bitter end" person and we never offer quitting as an option.

gEntly and with encouragement you can do the same.

[Anonymous]

I applaud ice skating mom.

Don't wonder why your kids quit/suck at everything when you permit them to call the shots about everything. My parents were the same as ice skating mom. I was basically forced to practice (like extra practice--beyond the scheduled ones) my sport and wasn't allowed to quit. As a kid I sort of resented it and I fought with my parents a lot. As an adult I am so glad they made me stick with it. For one, I have a fantastic work ethic now. Second, this sport paid for my college. As a law school grad, I have ZERO STUDENT LOANS. ZERO. Lastly, I am still really good at it and continue to play and it's a great social activity for me.

If I had gotten my way, I'd be saddled with loans and probably not have developed the good traits that make me attractive to employers like discipline and sticking with a task I don't particularly like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

To the pp above: why wouldn't you allow your DD to quit something she hates? Two years is a pretty good commitment and I get not wanting her to be a quitter but, why make her do ice skating? Maybe if you back off she would find something she likes. Would you like to be forced to do an extracurricular activity just because someone else wants you to do it?

Did you miss where I said that she's been told she can quit if she replaces skating with something else? Because all she has to do is say "I want to take gymnastics/dance/soccer/Girls on the Run/karate/swimming" and I'll enroll her in that and she can stop skating.

BTW, she doesn't REALLY hate skating. She just doesn't have as much fun since her skating buddy quit, plus now that she's in the higher freestyle classes it's harder, and she is not good at not feeling progress.

Not PP you were responding to, but there are plenty of children out there who crave more downtime. Why do you absolutely want her to do something else? Is this the only activity she has outside of school?Also, she's the kid and you're the adult. Why don't you help her out by suggesting something she's never been exposed to that you think she might like? You're sounding a little cruel and tone-deaf, here, basically. And I'm a Tiger parent.

Dude, it's ONCE a week. It's not like she gets up at 4am to skate and then goes back after school each day until dinner. It's ONCE a WEEK. It's an hour and 15 minutes. And I HAVE suggested lots of other physical activities. Yes, it's her only activity outside of school. I want her to do something physical. She sits on the bus to school, sits all day at school, sits on the bus coming home from school, sits at home. Once a week she can get off her ass and do something. There is nothing unreasonable about that.

[Anonymous]

OP.

Can I suggest something with no school kids in it? does he have a safe place to fail? How do you act when he starts something new?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't let my DD quit a lot of things. She's wanted to quit ice skating for two years now. She tells me every week she hates it. I tell her "Okay, tell me what you want to replace it with." Until she has an answer, ice skating it is. Two nights ago I told her I thought about her wanting to quit, and I'll let her quit when she finishes high school.

I'm going to roll that back to letting her quit after she ENTERS high school and picks fall and spring sports IF she has mastered Freestyle 5. THEN she can really quit.

Ice skating mom: by the end, you sound pretty normal, but in this post you sound wackadoodle. This is what people are responding to. I agree with you that she has to do something. I suggest that you be open to changes because high school is a whole other can of worms. You can't just go out for a sport. There is usually one no-cut sport and running three miles every day may not be for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am a quitter too and I regret everything I ever quit, from ballet age 6 when it hurt my feet but the director of the school said I was a "natural"and I was, even with the first three toes the same length, to many other things as an adult...

My DS has tendencies to do this too, but his dad is not a quitter, he is a "see it through to the bitter end" person and we never offer quitting as an option.

gEntly and with encouragement you can do the same.

How do you know you were a natural dancer?

[Anonymous]

ADD is common in girls. Makes them appear lazy, when in fact they're dealing with some real issues. Maybe talking to a psychologist or other professional might be helpful.