Did you ever date someone who made you feel insecure?

[Anonymous]

I've never had this insecure feeling with boyfriends. My current boyfriend constantly stares at other women in front of me or compares me to his ex ( she's Asian ). My boyfriend does tell me how lucky he was to find me etc etc. He makes comments about being attracted to me and I think he is genuinely attracted to me. We have amazing sex. I feel jealous around him though and I don't like this insecure feeling. I wasn't like this with ex boyfriends. My boyfriend is from an eastern culture and sometimes I think he's just really curious about women here? He's just so obvious about it and it sucks. I will see a pretty woman while we're out and it puts me in a bad mood. It sounds so screwed up I know! Any ladies out there who can relate?

[Anonymous]

Gross. Culture is not an excuse. If you've told him it bothers you and he keeps doing it, DTMFA.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Your gut is telling you something. RUN!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Yes, I have dated people who make me feel insecure. And it sucks and you can do better.

My DH makes me feel like the only woman alive. I know he's a man and looks at other women when I am not around, and sometimes he will even comment about one (for some reason he thinks Melania Trump is really hot), but I never feel insecure because I feel in a very deep way that he loves me and adores me above all others. You need to feel that. Keep looking and good luck.

[Anonymous]

I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."

[Anonymous]

This isn't healthy. Why are you with somebody who makes you feel insecure? Not ok. Move onto the next person.

[Anonymous]

This kind of behavior only gets worse as time goes on. It sucks, I'm sorry. Part of your attraction could be that you feel you are competing with other women for his attention? I scale back my feelings - if the sex is amazing and you really like the guy then see him if you can put him in a place where his actions don't bother you.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Boyfriend in college was like that. He also got possessive and jealous if I talked to any other guys. Needless to say, it was a very short relationship. The sex was great though.

[Anonymous]

Please dump him. Trust me on this one. I know I'm a stranger on the internet. But, please listen to me. You can do better. This does not bode well for you.

The right man will have eyes for no one but you. My DH of 16 years just this morning hugged me so tight and told me how lucky he is to have me. You want that.

[Anonymous]

Its not his culture it's because he has no manners or respect foe your feelings. He can find other woman attractive all he wants but oogling them and comparinf you to his ex is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Yes. My Jewish ex was a serial liar/cheater. He kept making me think I was just jealous and insecure and that he would never cheat on me. I found out he had sex with many, many people while we were dating. I finally found out that he got a girl who was a close Jewish friend of his pregnant and convinced her to have an abortion because he did not want me to find out. I am not Jewish and he would try to convince me to convert. Thank God I found out before we were married what a lying piece of shit he was so I could run as far away as possible. I feel sorry for the baby though. If you feel overly insecure then there is probably a reason for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. My Jewish ex was a serial liar/cheater. He kept making me think I was just jealous and insecure and that he would never cheat on me. I found out he had sex with many, many people while we were dating. I finally found out that he got a girl who was a close Jewish friend of his pregnant and convinced her to have an abortion because he did not want me to find out. I am not Jewish and he would try to convince me to convert. Thank God I found out before we were married what a lying piece of shit he was so I could run as far away as possible. I feel sorry for the baby though. If you feel overly insecure then there is probably a reason for it.

OP here: OMG he is definitely a piece of crap! Good for you for dumping that loser.

[Anonymous]

The sex is good because of the insecurity. You guys have conflicting interests -- it's probably more important to him to continue having good sex; it's probably more important to you to have a relationship with someone who treats you right (even if it diminishes the sex.)

[Anonymous]

I dated and then married a guy who made me feel insecure. He had more female friends than male friends, and one of them even spent the night at his place once after we got into a fight and he neglected to tell me. He didn't think it was a big deal and would always say that he didn't tell me because he thought it would make me angry. We're divorced now. Run away, please!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can relate. I had this exact issue with an Asian BF. He'd stare openly at all women, and Asian women were goddesses of perfection in every aspect, from their looks to how they treated a man. And in his culture, underneath the "family first" facade, the unfortunate norm was that men were expected to cheat, and women put up with it and blamed themselves.

Just do yourself a favor and drop him. If he makes you feel this way, and up until now you've been a secure person, it's HIM, and your gut is telling you the right thing. I wish I'd listened to my gut back then, when I'd feel humiliated by his staring at women, and sometimes the women would catch my eye and give me this look of pity, like, "I can't believe your asshole boyfriend treats you this way."

LOL - people check people out. If that makes you insecure - then you probably need to focus on bettering yourself and figuring out why you are insecure. You probably become insecure when your significant other watches porn.

Instead of blaming the boyfriend, maybe you should give advice that is going to help this young lady.

OP - while this man may look at other women, I think you really need to take the time to figure out what makes you insecure. Quite frankly, if you were secure to begin with, no one would make you feel otherwise. And if you were really secure, you wouldn't be in this position in the first place.

Think about what makes this boyfriend different from others... Is he more successful? More attractive? More intelligent? Is the nature of your relationship different? Do you care more about this one than others in the past?

You also want to start thinking about why you don't feel good enough for him or why you feel as though you don't deserve him.

The fact that you see an attractive person and that ruins your night - that is YOUR issue - not his.