ILs and tooth fairy

[Anonymous]

My ILs were watching our kids last night, due to some work related obligations. Apparently, our oldest lost his first tooth last night, and my MIL took it upon herself to do the whole "tooth fairy" thing without even consulting me. My son called me this AM to tell me what happened. I'm really upset that my MIL didn't just tell him the tooth fairy would visit him at his house tomorrow (today) instead of doing it at her house. I'm sure I'm being unreasonable, but I'm upset. Tell me, should I get over this?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are being unreasonable. Your MIL watched your children overnight when you needed help. There are many people out there, including myself, that wish that they had family that could do this.

She's not a mind reader, how was she supposed to know what you wished could have happened? I assume his tooth was already loose and if so maybe you should have said something about it then.

[Anonymous]

She jumped on her chance to enjoy doing the tooth fairy thing. I can see why you're upset, because you understandably wanted to do it, but I would let it go. But if there are any other major "firsts" that you want dibs on, you should let them know in advance.

[Anonymous]

What? Of course you're being unreasonable. Your MIL sounds pretty cool.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you for your honesty. I'm just sad I missed this. It's hard!

[Anonymous]

You're not being unreasonable. That's a huge boundary. Tooth fairy is something that parents look forward to. It's like a grandparent playing Santa or buying a major milestone gift without consulting parents.

[Anonymous]

Did they call to tell you he lost his tooth? Or at least text?

That would bother me, not getting a call.

But, presumably you were busy with work so....it is what it is. You can do whatever you want for the tooth fairy next go round.

[Anonymous]

The differences between older and younger generations are very much like cultural differences. When your MIL had young kids the culture was different. Kid loses a tooth, someone pops a quarter under the pillow. Nbd.

Now people come up with schemes, tooth fairy notes, glitter, expensive gifts and photo ops when a kid loses a tooth. It's a BIG DEAL.

I would give her a break for not knowing that you think it's a big deal and wanted to handle it yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The differences between older and younger generations are very much like cultural differences. When your MIL had young kids the culture was different. Kid loses a tooth, someone pops a quarter under the pillow. Nbd.

Now people come up with schemes, tooth fairy notes, glitter, expensive gifts and photo ops when a kid loses a tooth. It's a BIG DEAL.

I would give her a break for not knowing that you think it's a big deal and wanted to handle it yourself.

I agree with this.

Also, if you look at it from your child's perspective, losing a tooth is a big deal, and getting something from the tooth fairy RIGHT AWAY is so cool! (Plus, that's what kids expect.) To make your child wait because YOU wanting to be the one to do the task would not be fair--it would be making it about you instead of about the child. You can't make your child wait for milestones because you don't happen to be there.

[Anonymous]

You're being unreasonable. His second lost tooth will be your first and you can do your big deal then. By the fifth tooth, you'll be sitting up in bed at midnight, realizing you forgot to do the tooth fairy thing and rummaging for bills in your purse. Then you'll laugh at yourself for how ridiculous you were about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're being unreasonable. His second lost tooth will be your first and you can do your big deal then. By the fifth tooth, you'll be sitting up in bed at midnight, realizing you forgot to do the tooth fairy thing and rummaging for bills in your purse. Then you'll laugh at yourself for how ridiculous you were about this.

Thank you! I needed this honesty this morning! You're so right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unreasonable. That's a huge boundary. Tooth fairy is something that parents look forward to. It's like a grandparent playing Santa or buying a major milestone gift without consulting parents.

Enough with the f-ing boundaries. You want to control everything then don't let anyone else ever watch your kids for you. You are totally exhausting in your self-centeredness.

[Anonymous]

My mother or MIL would be so thrilled to be there for that kind of milestone. They'd probably talk about it for weeks on social media. If your MIL is anything like my family, you've inadvertently given her a huge gift. It's fun to see people delight in their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

I would totally feel the same as you do - annoyed that they didn't call and check with me or let me know. But, I think the other PPs are right - no big deal and you can do it the second time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're not being unreasonable. That's a huge boundary. Tooth fairy is something that parents look forward to. It's like a grandparent playing Santa or buying a major milestone gift without consulting parents.

Good grief. It was the FIRST tooth! Your child has many more to lose! By the 7 or 8th you are pretty tired of the whole thing and wish you hadn't started down that road ( but you do because it is what society expects) So, thank your MIL and get a grip. Unless your child loses all their teeth at grandma's house there will be plenty of opportunity.

Just don't be like our Tooth fairy and get one that forgets to put the money in! We had to fire our first one!