Vent - DH won't talk about current events and it's stressing me out

[Anonymous]

I've always been more interested in current events than DH, but prior to the election that wasn't a problem -- we enjoyed late-night shows together, were able to discuss national news together, etc.

After the election, DH has become completely unable to talk about what is happening in this country and in the world. He refuses to discuss anything related to current events, even non-political things, and gets visibly upset if I start. He asked me to cancel the paper because he can't stand to even pick it up from the sidewalk, and he gets stressed out by things I consider benign and funny, like the Joe Biden memes that were going around right before the inauguration. There seems to be no "safe" topic of discussion except movies and our child.

Meanwhile, my day-to-day job is affected by the change in administration, which is stressful, and I can't tell him about my day because that stresses him out. We are both involved in a church that does a lot of social justice work; I feel prompted to do more, but he doesn't and doesn't want to talk about it. We have a small child so it's not as easy as just doing my own thing -- "Hey, I signed up to chaperone this shelter, have a great night" -- nor do I want to be disconnected from him like this.

I am trying to respect his coping mechanism but it leaves us not talking to each other very much, or sharing much about ourselves or what we want to do with our time. Ideas?

[Anonymous]

That seems rather dramatic on his part.

Is there anything else to this? Do your political conversations have a history of being testy? Is he afraid of being "attacked" over his views?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That seems rather dramatic on his part.

Is there anything else to this? Do your political conversations have a history of being testy? Is he afraid of being "attacked" over his views?

Thanks. No, we agree politically. Possibly he could feel bad if he doesn't want to take certain actions and I do? But I don't think I've attacked him like that in the past. Our really bad fights are always about the dishwasher.

I've thought maybe he's depressed, but I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems rather dramatic on his part.

Is there anything else to this? Do your political conversations have a history of being testy? Is he afraid of being "attacked" over his views?

Thanks. No, we agree politically. Possibly he could feel bad if he doesn't want to take certain actions and I do? But I don't think I've attacked him like that in the past. Our really bad fights are always about the dishwasher.

I've thought maybe he's depressed, but I don't know.

Meaning that you want to go to protests and call your congressman, and he wants to stay out of the fray? With all of the protests going on lately, I can see how he might be afraid that he's going to get pressured into something that he doesn't to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That seems rather dramatic on his part.

Is there anything else to this? Do your political conversations have a history of being testy? Is he afraid of being "attacked" over his views?

Thanks. No, we agree politically. Possibly he could feel bad if he doesn't want to take certain actions and I do? But I don't think I've attacked him like that in the past. Our really bad fights are always about the dishwasher.

I've thought maybe he's depressed, but I don't know.

Meaning that you want to go to protests and call your congressman, and he wants to stay out of the fray? With all of the protests going on lately, I can see how he might be afraid that he's going to get pressured into something that he doesn't to do.

More like volunteer work than protests, although we went to a march together several years ago. For the record, I don't think less of him for not volunteering (if that's the issue) it just affects both of us because of scheduling so we need to talk. We've never fought about it.

[Anonymous]

My husband is like this. We compromise by having 10 mins a day wheee I fill him in on trump stuff... maybe ask him how much he can handle ?

[Anonymous]

I'm coping like this right now too. I just don't want other people doing a brain dump of all of the crazy Trump shit that they heard that day. It's exhausting and stresses me out.

I went to the March and plan to continue to fight this administration. But I don't want to hear other people talk about it.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't this topic on here within the last month?

[Anonymous]

A lot of people are just checking out. while I didn't support the previous administration and their politics I can understand why people who did are freaking out with the current administration.

I just don't talk politics with the wife anymore, but we never really did talk politics anyway.

[Anonymous]

Sticking his head in the sand is his coping mechanism. I get it.

[Anonymous]

My husband does the same thing. I just talk about it with other people.

[Anonymous]

I also find such discussions depressing, plus my wife is so super woke now that I can't help but wonder if her perspective might be different if she wasn't essentially a SAHM able to live off my substantial income for years. Five minutes per day max of Trump related venting by her and then I leave the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't this topic on here within the last month?

Some versions of this conversation/non conversation are happening in many families. While many people don't want to have long political conversation, it does sound like your DH has unusually high levels of anxiety (the newspaper thing). Would he go to therapy to figure out some strategies to manage his anxiety? For you, I would connect with a local activist group and set aside a block of time each week (a weekday night or a few hours on the weekend) that both you and DH agree you can devote to activism. Being part of a group helps you focus all your fears and energies, and gives you people to talk to so you don't have to take it all to your DH. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sticking his head in the sand is his coping mechanism. I get it.

+1. I get it too. It's been hard to take. It won't last forever, just let him do his thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also find such discussions depressing, plus my wife is so super woke now that I can't help but wonder if her perspective might be different if she wasn't essentially a SAHM able to live off my substantial income for years. Five minutes per day max of Trump related venting by her and then I leave the room.

This is interesting to me. Why does your wife's work status figure into the equation? DH and I are both employed people, and are both "super woke now" (not that we weren't somewhat politically active before), as are the majority of my friends who march/donate/volunteer/participate in the political process.