Playdate invite - no reply

[Anonymous]

Looking for quick input. My kindergartener asked for a playdate with another child. I know this child a bit (I volunteer at the school) and they're a really nice, sweet, considerate kid... but I don't know the parents. I work full-time so am not there at pick-up and drop-off and we haven't lived in the neighborhood a super-long time. I sent a nice email a week ahead asking for a playdate over the weekend. The entire week passed, and no reply. I'm honestly not sure what to make of it. Presumably either (1) the parents forgot to reply or (2) they don't want to do the playdate and were too non-confrontational to politely decline.

I just cannot imagine not responding to a personal invite like that. I intentionally invited for a particular date, because I didn't want to put them on the spot with an open-ended request. So it would have been incredibly easy to just say, "Sorry, we're not available that day." In my opinion, ignoring the email is much ruder and more hurtful than a graceful decline.

So -- now I'll have to see the parents at an upcoming class event. I'd like to finally meet them in person, but am honestly a little intimidated to even introduce myself. Of couse, I'd never mention the invite. I guess I'm just wondering whether you all think this is more likely to be an accidental oversight or their idea of a brush-off. This was my first time trying arrange a playdate with anyone at this school and I feel daunted that they didn't even bother to respond.

(For what it's worth, I do know that I had the correct email address and that they are checking it, because they replied to other school-related group things during the week I was waiting for a reply. So it's highly unlikely that they didn't receive the email.)

[Anonymous]

They saw the email and forgot

They did not get the email (wrong address, went into junk)

They just missed it. I get a lot of crap email, so sometimes I miss personal ones sent to my personal email.

They saw it, were uncomfortable, did not know what to do, so went into avoidance.

I would give them the benefit of the doubt, and try again. Try more open ended - would a playdae work at some point, what would they be comfortable with. Some people prefer a joint meet up to start.

[Anonymous]

???

"I was wondering if you saw my email about having Larla over. Let me know if it's something she might want to do!"

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing they forgot or it went to their spam folder. Shit happens. It doesn't mean they dislike you or your kid. I'd say something about getting the kids together for a play date sometime and see how they react.

[Anonymous]

OP has the date already passed? If not, do you have a cell number to text the family? I don't want to offer excuses, but I do think some people are shy about replying, or they aren't sure if they can do it and they tell themselves they'll reply once they figure it out later, or they let it get buried and don't go back to the email later.

Please don't feel intimidated to introduce yourself and make the connection that you're the one who asked for the playdate. It's very likely they'll feel embarrassed that they never responded. Just keep it light and you'll open the door to a response. Even a gracious decline is helpful and you might figure out whether another playdate will be possible.

[Anonymous]

22:13 again. OP the family might not have been comfortable replying but once they meet and chat with you at the class event, they will put the name with the face, and be up for a playdate.

[Anonymous]

I would try calling if you have access to their phone number (our school puts out a directory). I would say something like ""I just wanted to make sure you saw my email but if your schedule is too busy to allow for playdates I completely understand."

[Anonymous]

Check the email address to see if you wrote it incorrectly

[Anonymous]

This happened to me twice with two different families. First family, email unanswered, second family voicemail not returned. Rude!

[Anonymous]

A graceful decline is better than no reply. It is rude of them. But i doubt it is personal. Sometimes people /their kids already have a very busy social calendar and they dont know what to say in that decline email :/ I generally wait for friendships to forge before I arrange playdates ( so that need is both ways ) and % of decline and feeling awkward later s low.

[Anonymous]

(For what it's worth, I do know that I had the correct email address and that they are checking it, because they replied to other school-related group things during the week I was waiting for a reply. So it's highly unlikely that they didn't receive the email.)

OP, the above is from the post. I think it's assuming the worst if you think they're brushing you off.

I find that increasingly, since there's so much junk e-mail, that people have stronger spam filters and if I e-mail someone "cold" an e-mail can end up sent straight to spam and isn't seen. Same happens with my own filter -- someone I don't already know sends something and the filter might not like that particular address and treats it as spam.

The fact that you saw their reply on "school-related group things" doesn't mean anything because surely they have all school e-mail addresses cleared to come through to their inbox, so those e-mails won't go to spam.

Please give them the benefit of the doubt here. Even if they did see your e-mail, you can't know what's going on with them. Maybe they're swamped, maybe they're shy, maybe they were just not sure how to reply since they haven't even met you. I guess others see that as rude but it may not be intentionally rude; they may be wondering why a parent whom they haven't met face to face is contacting them about a play date. They may even be figuring they'll meet you at this event you mention and will talk with you about it there though they did blow the date..... You can't know. But I hope you won't write them off, and maybe lose your child a potential friend, because of things that you can't even know right now -- spam filters, home circumstances, cultural differences, one parent thinking the other already replied to you when that didn't happen -- whatever.

Walk up at this event and be friendly--"I'm Billy's mom and Billy sure likes your son Jimmy. I wanted to introduce myself to you since the kids are friendly. Billy would like to have Jimmy over to play soon and of course I'd like you to come for coffee at the same time if you can...." Did your invitation ask for Jimmy to be dropped off? I would be sure to ask for a parent to stay for the first play date because some parents don't do drop-off play dates the very first time with a family they don't know at all.

Your post sounds as if you have already decided this is offensive and rude and you're done with them before you've even met them. I hope you can realize they may have been wrong or lost the message this time and will give them and their "nice, sweet, considerate kid" another chance. Anyone can miss an e-mail, or have a hellish week at work, or be so busy carting kids around that "I need to reply to that e-mail" gets forgotten. It could happen to any of us, OP. A second chance costs you nothing.

[Anonymous]

What ever happened to calling people on the phone? Does anyone actually talk to people anymore when they make plans?

[Anonymous]

I miss emails all the time. Don't hesitate to say something at the event.

[Anonymous]

Ask them in person again and if it is awkward let it go. For our first year DH's email ended up being the default email and number in the directory. He would get emails or texts and not reply because he wanted to check with me and then completely forget.

[Anonymous]

I have a common ethnic name. At least three times a week I get emails for another mom with my exact name just a different spelling who lives in NYC. I get Evites and Palerless post. I get emails from her alumni groups, the school about her tuition payments and kids grades, her ex's family lawyer about custody matters, her dry cleaner s d car dealer. Mistakes happen. I try to email the important ones back but after years of emailing "I think you are trying to email x in NYC." I gave up. Email isn't the same as talking to them directly.

I wouldn't mention the email. I would just invite their child over for a play date and then for coffee.

I travel a lot for work and so does DH. Weekends are sacred. Maybe I don't feel like cleaning my bathroom or wearing real clothes. You could always pick the first play date at the park or playground or darken debt on your child's age ice skating.