What should my LO call my mother's husband given her marriage track record?

[Anonymous]

LO is talking now and the moment I've dreaded is around the corner: figuring out what to call my mother's husband around LO.

My mother has been married multiple times, with the longest marriage lasting roughly 10 years and the rest much shorter intervals than that. About a year ago she got married yet again. The terrible thing is that both she and her spouses are always delusional in thinking that THIS relationship will be the one that lasts, but my mom always runs away from them after a few years.

My dad got remarried when I was an adult, and LO calls her Grandma, which I have no problem with. But calling this guy Grandpa seems cruel to LO given what's in store. Calling him Mr. FirstName or Mr. LastName seems rude, and I do not want LO to think it's appropriate to call elderly people by their first name.

I've read other posts, namely this one about a horrible step-mom, and then this thread about a stepparent who has been around awhile but just doesn't feel like a parent to OP. Neither seem quite applicable in this case.

Any thoughts on alternative names? Maybe something out of left field so it seems cute rather than offensive? If I ask my mom or her husband what they want LO to call him, they're going to say Grandpa (because again, they're delusional!).

[Anonymous]

First nane

[Anonymous]

First name.

[Anonymous]

Steve. I feel like they are usually named Steve

[Anonymous]

I'd go with "Grampa Steve". That's how we're handling dh's dad's wife.

[Anonymous]

We pretty much call FIL's wife "she" or "her" at this point because we can't stand to imply that she's actually related to our kids.

[Anonymous]

First name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with "Grampa Steve". That's how we're handling dh's dad's wife.

This. Then the next one can be Grandpa Jack, etc. You don't say if the guys themselves are awful. If they're not, depending on how long the marriage lasts, it's possible your child could want to maintain a relationship even if your mother gets divorced. And it would be less confusing to have Grandpa X and Grandpa Y than just Grandpa who suddenly morphs into a different person.

[Anonymous]

Mr. Bob.

He is not her grandpa.

Don't teach yer that you get a new grandpa each season in Grandma Betty's world.

[Anonymous]

First, it's OK to call elderly people by their first name if the elderly person is OK with it, ESPECIALLY if he's part of the family.

I think Grandpa Steve is totally fine. If you want something less familial, he can be Baba, or Pop or something. If they divorce, she can continue calling him Grandpa Steve (or whichever name you pick), then the next husband can be called just Dave. If LO and Dave become close, she can pick a different name like Papa Dave.

I think you're over thinking this. Treat it as a normal step-grandparent situation. I know families with Grandma, Grandpa, PopPop, Gran, GramDeb, and Bubba all due to various marriages and divorces.

[Anonymous]

Oh get over yourself. You've been dreading what your child should call his step grandfather because you think this marriage may not last. Are you this dance? Is this the extent of her problems in the world? Why not just call him the same thing you would if you were concerned that one day he might die and your mother might remarry? Which means, let your child call him whatever your child want to, or whatever the step grandparents wishes. That you personally think your mother is marriage may not last isn't really all that relevant. This is just an opportunity for you to take a dig at your mother, and her spouse. Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh get over yourself. You've been dreading what your child should call his step grandfather because you think this marriage may not last. Are you this dance? Is this the extent of her problems in the world? Why not just call him the same thing you would if you were concerned that one day he might die and your mother might remarry? Which means, let your child call him whatever your child want to, or whatever the step grandparents wishes. That you personally think your mother is marriage may not last isn't really all that relevant. This is just an opportunity for you to take a dig at your mother, and her spouse. Pathetic.

Death and divorce are different.

I knew a single mom who's toddler got very attached to the guy she was dating. He dumped her. Explaining that people move on and no longer want or legally can have a relationship with a child is a tricky thing. Death is easier to explain--they aren't coming back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh get over yourself. You've been dreading what your child should call his step grandfather because you think this marriage may not last. Are you this dance? Is this the extent of her problems in the world? Why not just call him the same thing you would if you were concerned that one day he might die and your mother might remarry? Which means, let your child call him whatever your child want to, or whatever the step grandparents wishes. That you personally think your mother is marriage may not last isn't really all that relevant. This is just an opportunity for you to take a dig at your mother, and her spouse. Pathetic.

I'm the OP. The fact that you take such glee in spewing toxicity because this BB makes you anonymous is what makes you pathetic.

Given that these marriages last no more than 2-3 years, that these relationships are often abusive, that the most recent spouse carries a gun on him at all times (he doesn't bring it on an airplane, which is why the only way he sees LO is when they fly here) - I feel pretty confident that my concerns aren't about hurting my mother, but rather protecting my LO and preserving some sort of relationship with LO's grandmother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...that these relationships are often abusive

OP again. I should have made it more clear that my mom is the one who tends to be abusive (either emotionally or sometimes physically). It's difficult to get into because I want to preserve anonymity, but she was abused as child and she's had a tough life. It doesn't excuse her choices, but she's my mom and I do love her.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar situation (different relative) but I looked at it as a question of what I wanted to teach my child, and my wife and I decided that [current familial title] First Name made the most sense (and the relative & relative's spouse were ok with this).

So in your case I think Grandpa Steve is good.