What should my LO call my mother's husband given her marriage track record?

[Anonymous]

OP update: So far we've avoided the issue entirely because he's not seen LO since LO began talking. LO is turning 3 and doesn't know he exists. When Grandma comes, she comes solo. I don't think she wants him interacting with LO. (We can't travel because of medical condition.)

I think if he does interact with LO, his name will be Mr. FirstName.

[Anonymous]

Both DH and I lost our dads young so the men our mother's have as significant others are not the kids' actual grandfathers but are/were long term.
One was "Grandpa Jack" and my kid came out with "Papa" when she started talking so he became "Papa Jack". Jack really loved this (he has since passed away).
The other is "Bob" because that is his name. My kids briefly played with calling him "GrandBob" which was cute but it didn't stick. He is not grandfatherly, he is really just "Bob".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. If this was a boyfriend/partner of a parent, would advice be different? Just curious.

LO is so lucky - already has a Grandma Bob, Grandma Sue, a Grandpa Rich and a Grandma Mary. (Not their real names at all, but you get the idea.)

Every family has its own cultural specifics about naming..

Mr. Steve is an odd choice in NJ, but a great one if your family has southern roots.

Whatever he would call another close adult friend is the model to follow.

Another path is grandpa in his ethnic tongue, if that differentiates.

[Anonymous]

“Dude”

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation. My grandmother was married 5 times. I called her last husband Mr. Firstname. I never called him grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We pretty much call FIL's wife "she" or "her" at this point because we can't stand to imply that she's actually related to our kids.

We do the same. My oldest is a teen now and refers to her by her first name but she’s so awful we don’t expose the kids to her anymore.

When my son was born we had a conversation about what she would be called—I vetoed the name she suggested because that’s what we used for my grandmother who was still living, but she kept referring to herself as that because she was drunk when we had the conversation. So DH would use grandma and I’d just use nothing.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you just go with Daddy Steve or Papa Steve? I'm southern, so it sounds right to me.

[Anonymous]

"Mr. First name.". Children are not the equal of adults and this shows respect.

[Anonymous]

Bubba

[Anonymous]

"current Grandpa"

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but either way these two people are not going to be the ones to be around a child. Unless your mom has some good excuse for the life she's led, I wouldn't what her to have a close relationship with my child.