Dating advice needed

[Anonymous]

I need advice please. I met a guy, we really connected, flirted lightly, made each other laugh. There was a spark. He asked for my number then texted later the same evening and asked me for a date. I replied with a day that I could meet him for a drink but I also said, it's not a date. I added that comment because we have a friend in common so we're in the same social network. I thought if we didn't call it a date, then there would be no awkwardness if either of us didn't want to see each other one-on-one again.

It's been 4 days since I sent him that text and I haven't heard back from him. I know he's not married. This guy also saw another man hitting on me before he started talking to me that day and he knows that I didn't give that man my number.

So, it's possible that this man was just playing a game- he saw me as a challenge and getting me to agree to meet him was the end of his game. Or maybe he is genuinely interested but felt rejected by my comment that it's not a date. I can forget about him but we'll probably meet again through our mutual friend, so that could be awkward. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I think you blew it by saying it wouldn't be a date. He probably feels rejected.

[Anonymous]

When I ask someone out and they tell me they will hang out but it's not a date, I assume they are telling me that they aren't that into me. That's fine, but unless it's a person I really want to be friends with, I'm going to focus on people who actually want to date me.

[Anonymous]

Why would you say it's not a date? Sounds like you have no game.

[Anonymous]

What? The subject of this is "dating advice needed." Do you want to date him or not? If so, wth did you say it's not a date?

If you want to date him, maybe call and ask if you can start over.
Or lie and say you just saw your text, and it was an autocorrect error, and you meant to write something else, and you're really embarrassed.

I don't know if either of those will work, I agree he's probably feeling rejected and may be gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say it's not a date? Sounds like you have no game.

True, I have no game! Out of long term marriage and very rusty. That's why I need advice. I said it's not a date in case we find out that we don't like each other that much...I thought that would make it easier for us to see each other through our mutual friend, without awkwardness. We could just say that we hung out once rather than we went on a date and it was bad.

Is there any way to fix this?

[Anonymous]

You connected with a guy, he got your number, he asked you out. I don't think he's the one playing games here!

[Anonymous]

OP here, I'm rusty and scared. Maybe that's the other factor. Just starting out all over again with male relationships.

[Anonymous]

Text him back saying you changed your mind and it would be a date if you go dutch on the dinner bill a d have coffee at his place afterwards

[Anonymous]

Sorry girl. You screwed up. I would take it as rejection if someone told me it "wasn't a date." Esp over a text. If you are that freaked out about dating and things being "awkward" then maybe you aren't ready to date.

[Anonymous]

He asked you out the same day he got your number so he's clearly interested. I agree with all the previous posters who say he feels rejected.
I'm always a fan of being honest. Tell him you would like to go on a date with him but thought it would take the pressure off if you said it wasn't a date. Looking back, you realize this was a silly approach and would like to start over. Hopefully he's still game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would you say it's not a date? Sounds like you have no game.

True, I have no game! Out of long term marriage and very rusty. That's why I need advice. I said it's not a date in case we find out that we don't like each other that much...I thought that would make it easier for us to see each other through our mutual friend, without awkwardness. We could just say that we hung out once rather than we went on a date and it was bad.

Is there any way to fix this?

Yes. Call him, don't text. Tell him you have a confession to make and explain what you said in your OP. Let him know you were interested and did think there was a romantic connection but you didn't want things to turn awkward if either of you changed your mind after your date. You thought maybe calling it something else might make that easier. Obviously, that thought backfired. How about we start over?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you blew it. I wouldn't have wanted to waste my time with you either. The only possible fix is what PP 18:26 suggested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry girl. You screwed up. I would take it as rejection if someone told me it "wasn't a date." Esp over a text. If you are that freaked out about dating and things being "awkward" then maybe you aren't ready to date.

This. It still doesn't make any sense that you were worried about a mutual friend finding out. The whole purpose of dating is to see if you like the person enough to have a relationship. At any point, the answer might be no, but you approach it as getting to know someone not that it won't last past date one or the other extreme of planning a wedding on date 1. I wouldn't even say that I'm dating someone, as opposed to going out on dates, unless it's somewhat consistent and at least four or five dates. So anyway, it's no big deal if you go out on a date with a mutual friend unless it has been long enough or serious enough and someone breaks up and dates another person in the circle like you see on tv like Melrose Place. Or someone does something crazy that doesn't speak well of his or her character and it gets back to the circle of friends.

Agree with other posters that you need to go back and ask him out on a date and apologize for the awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

I also agree with 18:26--at this point, that is your only hope. Or do him a favor and let him find someone who isn't interested in playing games.