Dating advice needed

[Anonymous]

Text him back and say "Joe, I'd still love to go out with you. On a DATE."

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the comments. I can enjoy flirting and laughing with a man quite easily but after that, if he wants us to get to know each other more I get anxious, like I did this time. Maybe I should give up on ever dating again. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I've thought about the posts here and something the mutual friend once said. With hindsight, she was hinting that this guy likes me. With that also, I imagine getting a response that it's not a date could hurt. I'll explain to him what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs the comment about it not being a date sent the message that you're rejecting him.

[Anonymous]

OP what are you so afraid of? Getting hurt?

I mean there's nothing wrong with staying single, but if you want a relationship then you have to put yourself out there. Its a risk.

[Anonymous]

He took you at your word when you said that it wasn't a date. And he was interested in a date. You rejected him,case closed.

Don't over-explain it to him. Just tell him you were making an awkward joke because you have no game (have a sense of humor about it) and when you didn't hear from him you realized that he took you literally. Tell him you would like to get together for a date.

[BobRoss]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the comments. I can enjoy flirting and laughing with a man quite easily but after that, if he wants us to get to know each other more I get anxious, like I did this time. Maybe I should give up on ever dating again. I don't think I'll ever be ready.

I've thought about the posts here and something the mutual friend once said. With hindsight, she was hinting that this guy likes me. With that also, I imagine getting a response that it's not a date could hurt. I'll explain to him what I was thinking.

Look, I'm where you are. 23 yr marriage over. I'm not ready either, but I kept thinking "I'm almost 50. If I wait until I'm ready, I might 70..." I went on a lot of BAD dates (I did the online thing), but I made myself approach all of them from the 'glass half full' perspective. I assumed there was a good reason to go out, and went from there. I kept wondering where was this magical 'chemistry' that everyone talks about. Then I went on a 'date' with someone and there it was. I'll be honest, I get anxious for every first date. Who doesn't? I know I'm not fully over my marriage, but I've accepted that I probably never will be. It doesn't stop me from finding connection and attraction, but my previous marriage is a part of my life, as is my ex. I can't make that stuff go away.

The other thing I learned really quickly is that there are not that many attractive middle aged people out there - meaning not just physically, but intellectually and emotionally as well. I say that so that you try to not sell yourself short.

And FYI - I would have taken you comment about it not being a date as a big rejection. Live and learn. That's what it's all about.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm afraid of getting hurt so I hold back. I know that I'm attractive, smart with a good personality and I get compliments from men and women frequently. I'm also approached by enough men asking for a date or friendly meetup that I'm confident I'm attractive overall to men.

My fear of getting hurt holds me back. I need to take risks or won't move forward beyond my past marriage. PP made great points about starting over after a long term marriage that are so true.

I didn't realize that my comment to him was such a strong sign of rejection but the comments here have been unanimous!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm afraid of getting hurt so I hold back. I know that I'm attractive, smart with a good personality and I get compliments from men and women frequently. I'm also approached by enough men asking for a date or friendly meetup that I'm confident I'm attractive overall to men.

My fear of getting hurt holds me back. I need to take risks or won't move forward beyond my past marriage. PP made great points about starting over after a long term marriage that are so true.

I didn't realize that my comment to him was such a strong sign of rejection but the comments here have been unanimous!

Good luck and stay away from the Russisn Men. I hear they're aren't sexy.

[Anonymous]

I would personally feel a bit rejected if I asked someone out & the response I received back was the person clarifying to me that our meet-up wouldn't be a real date.

I would feel like the person would be telling me indirectly not to have any expectations from them since from the get go they know they will never see me as a romantic prospect.

My best advice to you would be to text him back your specific reasons for saying what you said.

He may or may not go for it but what have you got to lose at this point?

If you still do not get a response from him, then do not contact him again & consider this a dating lesson learned.

Since you are now "rusty" by your own admission, know that there are many kinks that will need to be ironed out along the way.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Text him back and say "Joe, I'd still love to go out with you. On a DATE."

+1. Don't go on about how you're attracted to him, interested in him romantically, etc. That might be a bit much for someone that hasn't had Date One yet.