DO I get nieces/nephews a gift?

[Anonymous]

About 10 years ago, a sibling got mad at me for something quite trivial and stopped talking with me even though I called them several times to apologize. We live thousands of miles a part so it was no big deal that they cut me out. We'd return "home" and have to be in the same house with each other once a year, occasionally twice a year. It is awkward as they don't say a single word over an entire weekend to me and avoids being in the same room as me.

We both have kids. Since they got mad at me, they stopped sending birthday cards and Christmas presents to my kids. Hurtful to me and my kids, but it is what it is. Up until about three years ago, I mailed birthday cards and small gifts and Christmas presents. I never knew if they got them - no acknowledgement - so I finally said f#-it and stopped.


My sibling's kids are elementary school. Mine are a bit older. My kids know about their uncle, aunt and nieces/nephews as I mention them a few times before the visits. At one visit, I asked my nieces/nephews if they knew who I was, and they shook their heads and said "no." (((((sigh)))))

This will be the first Christmas in a number of years we are home at the same time. DO I spend money to buy my estranged sibling's kids a gift?

[Anonymous]

I am estranged from a sibling (my choice to implement that boundary). I always send Christmas and birthday gifts to their kids - every year.

I don't speak to this sibling, I don't communicate with them, and I don't know what they do with the gifts. But I send them - the estrangement from my sibling is necessary for me. But the kids didn't do anything, and it's important for me to at least make the effort of acknowledging them. Once I send the gift though, it's out of my hands.

[Anonymous]

I really feel sorry for you. This is so terrible. I can't imagine being in a house with someone who would not talk to me. I would say do get something going for the children and try to to mend fences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really feel sorry for you. This is so terrible. I can't imagine being in a house with someone who would not talk to me. I would say do get something going for the children and try to to mend fences.

Yeah... it really does suck. Early on I left a few voice messages and they weren't returned.

Two hurtful things are that my other sibling (who also lives far away) is the "fun/cool" relative and my nieces/nephews don;t even know my name. Plus my parents tolerate their behavior because my mother is afraid to insist they act like an adult because she may also be cut-out from seeing her grandchild.

Essentially, my parents allow their behavior to continue without regard to how hurtful it has been to me. I feel my parents have taken my sibling's side by not insisting that they communicate with me and step up to be a proper aunt/uncle to my kids if they want to be included in family holidays. My mom continues to insist that I apologize even though I've called early on and am waiting for them to return my calls. (I;ve given up, honestly)

Sucks when the sibling was seen as God growing up and is allowed to be a bully as an adult.

[Anonymous]

What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

[Anonymous]

Unless money is really tight, I would. It's not a huge expense. You can get a small gift for an ES kid for as little as $10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

[Anonymous]

Always rise above. At some point in the future, they may mature and reopen that door to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

... and when I did call to invite them , sibling responded very snottily , "You know it's my year to visit the ILs."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

I get it. I just think it's crappy.

"Hey sibling, I think this year we're going to try to take a family trip with mom, dad, and other sibling. I know you said you're probably going to other in-laws, but I figured I'd see if you had any interest in the family trip."

[Anonymous]

That's ridiculous. But if you will see the children, it does not hurt to bring them gifts.

[Anonymous]

What did yo do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

... and when I did call to invite them , sibling responded very snottily , "You know it's my year to visit the ILs."

They probably thought it'd be really nice to do a whole family trip for the holidays and were upset that you deliberately planned it for a time they couldn't go. They're sad to miss out.