DO I get nieces/nephews a gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

I get it. I just think it's crappy.

"Hey sibling, I think this year we're going to try to take a family trip with mom, dad, and other sibling. I know you said you're probably going to other in-laws, but I figured I'd see if you had any interest in the family trip."

That's not crappy! Op did nothing wrong. Dh'a family alternates with the other in laws, they sometimes do. Really fun things like go to the Hamptons with them for Christmas. I would never expect an invite. Sibling is being very petty.--if this is the only issue.

[Anonymous]

If you are going to be there, then I would. Something $20 is fine.

[Anonymous]

Cutting you off is a ridiculous reaction to what happened. You're fine in that regard.

Definitely bring gifts for the kids. Explain to your kids that they may or may not get gifts from them, but impress upon them that YOUR family is doing the right thing. This is a great example for your kids to learn to rise above. The nice thing these days is that when the kids are old enough, they can keep in Touch via social media, and maybe create relationships going forward.

[Anonymous]

I would bring along toys r us gift cards for the kids. Give them if you feel comfortable, but at least have them on hand.

[Anonymous]

Agree with other PP that it was crappy but also that full on estrangement is an overreaction. But the fact that you don't understand sibling's anger makes me wonder if this was a straw that broke the camels back situation.

Regardless, none of this is his kids fault and you should get them something. Sibling relationships are generally very complex and layered. Hope they come around op.

[Anonymous]

If you will be home and seeing them, yes, be the bigger person and get the kids gifts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

I get it. I just think it's crappy.

"Hey sibling, I think this year we're going to try to take a family trip with mom, dad, and other sibling. I know you said you're probably going to other in-laws, but I figured I'd see if you had any interest in the family trip."

That's not crappy! Op did nothing wrong. Dh'a family alternates with the other in laws, they sometimes do. Really fun things like go to the Hamptons with them for Christmas. I would never expect an invite. Sibling is being very petty.--if this is the only issue.

This is what I was thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

I get it. I just think it's crappy.

"Hey sibling, I think this year we're going to try to take a family trip with mom, dad, and other sibling. I know you said you're probably going to other in-laws, but I figured I'd see if you had any interest in the family trip."

That's not crappy! Op did nothing wrong. Dh'a family alternates with the other in laws, they sometimes do. Really fun things like go to the Hamptons with them for Christmas. I would never expect an invite. Sibling is being very petty.--if this is the only issue.

This is what I was thinking.

Does the sibling think you should only have fun holidays every other year - in only the year they can join in?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What caused the original fight?

My brother got mad at me for not liking to talk on the phone, and now he ignores my DDs birthday except to post a message on my FB page. I continue to send my nieces, who are older, birthday and Christmas gifts. It's sad but I guess that's life.

Sibling and their spouse alternate holidays with their families. One year when it was sibling's turn at their in-laws, I invited my parents and other sibling to vacation with us. SInce I knew it was sibling's year to spend the holiday with their in-laws, I didn't not invite them. When I hear a few weeks later that they were mad, I called to invite sibling and their spouse. I was curtly told by my sibling that "it was the year to spend it at their in-laws."

You didn't not invite them?

Or you didn't invite them?

I'd be pretty PO'ed if you didn't even invite me. Not years of the silent treatment, but that's pretty crappy.

We were clearly told that it was the year to spend the holiday with sibling's spouse's family which is why I didn't extend the invitation. When I hear they were mad, I immediately called to invite them.

I get it. I just think it's crappy.

"Hey sibling, I think this year we're going to try to take a family trip with mom, dad, and other sibling. I know you said you're probably going to other in-laws, but I figured I'd see if you had any interest in the family trip."

That's not crappy! Op did nothing wrong. Dh'a family alternates with the other in laws, they sometimes do. Really fun things like go to the Hamptons with them for Christmas. I would never expect an invite. Sibling is being very petty.--if this is the only issue.

Yes . What OP did was crappy. Not worthy of ten years of silence but it was crappy.

I'm going to guess that since OP thought this was a little thing there have been multiple little incidents over the years and this is the straw that broke the camels back

[Anonymous]

Maybe siblings was mad because she doesn't like her own in laws and the vacation could have been her excuse? As for the question of giving the kids gifts--yes, since you will see them.

[Anonymous]

OP, in my opinion, this is very petty and your sibling is overreacting. I have parents like yours who won't get involved but are complicit Out of fear of getting cut off. To make you feel better and/or not alone, my sister has never acknowledged my baby even after being in the same room with the 10 week old. I come from a long line of giving the silent treatment. It's ridiculous. I am sorry for your pain. It is unproductive and hurtful.

[Anonymous]

As a pp mentioned, is OP supposed to only go on holiday getaways the year sibling is home? Come on now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a pp mentioned, is OP supposed to only go on holiday getaways the year sibling is home? Come on now.

Of course not, but the one year she invites mom & dad and the other sibling to go on vacation is the year sibling is with in laws?

Come on now!

OP was wrong.

Her sibling is wrong or carrying on like this, but as pp pointed out a doubt this is an isolated event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a pp mentioned, is OP supposed to only go on holiday getaways the year sibling is home? Come on now.

Of course not, but the one year she invites mom & dad and the other sibling to go on vacation is the year sibling is with in laws?

Come on now!

OP was wrong.

Her sibling is wrong or carrying on like this, but as pp pointed out a doubt this is an isolated event.

Yes, because that is how things sometimes work out. You don't always get to attend every fun thing. Didn't you learn this in kindergarten ? No one feels like playing the stupid game of "let's invite them even though I know FOR A FACT that they are unavailable just so that I can make sure they feel included!". That's BS. Honestly, good riddance. And no, you don't have to get their kid a dammed thing. And before you all start about "why would you punish the child...!??" Stop. It's a Christmas gift that they are missing out on, not food, water or electricity. Not a huge deal. If your sibling has cut contact with you, I'm sure they aren't regaling their kid with wonderful stories about you anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a pp mentioned, is OP supposed to only go on holiday getaways the year sibling is home? Come on now.

Of course not, but the one year she invites mom & dad and the other sibling to go on vacation is the year sibling is with in laws?

Come on now!

OP was wrong.

Her sibling is wrong or carrying on like this, but as pp pointed out a doubt this is an isolated event.

Yes, because that is how things sometimes work out. You don't always get to attend every fun thing. Didn't you learn this in kindergarten ? No one feels like playing the stupid game of "let's invite them even though I know FOR A FACT that they are unavailable just so that I can make sure they feel included!". That's BS. Honestly, good riddance. And no, you don't have to get their kid a dammed thing. And before you all start about "why would you punish the child...!??" Stop. It's a Christmas gift that they are missing out on, not food, water or electricity. Not a huge deal. If your sibling has cut contact with you, I'm sure they aren't regaling their kid with wonderful stories about you anyway.

What? People send out courtesy invites like that all the time, or at least everyone I know does!

There's also a difference between missing out a 'fun thing' and having your entire family plan a family vacation that you can't attend. And doing it secretly so it feels like even more of a snub.

I think the sibling has overreacted but op not thinking this was that big a deal makes me wonder if there's a lot more to the story.