ILs want to change Thanksgiving plans 4 days prior

[Anonymous]

For weeks, I have been talking to DH about our Thanksgiving plans, his work schedule, etc. his parents are divorced and his mom lives in MA with her mom, brother, nephew, friends. MIL went on a big trip with her friends the majority of November. BIL lives in NYC. DH saw him 2 weeks ago and no mention of Thanksgiving.

After basically ignoring me about Thanksgiving, our very close friends are visiting us this coming weekend through Thanksgiving. My other good local friend graciously invited us over for Thanksgiving dinner and we accepted. My parents and brother are planning on coming over on Friday to celebrate over the weekend. They live out of state and my brother just started a new job and has to work Friday.

DH just asks if his family can come Thanksgiving. We already talked about his family coming for Christmas. I blew up at him because I have been asking for weeks and we finalize our plans and he just changes it. His mom just came back from travel and wants to see her grandchildren. BIL has an on off girl. I am assuming things didn't work out with her for Thanksgiving plans. I think BIL should just go home to Boston and our plans should stay the same.

Do I have the right to be upset?
Would you just have ILs come and cancel on our friends?

[Anonymous]

I would be really mad at DH--and tell him you guys already have plans and that you will see the ILs at Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Uh, lady, re-read your post.

Your ILs didn't cause the problem, your DH did.

Now your DH gets to undo it. And you'll still probably be blamed by your ILs when he rescinds the invitation. However, yours is still a DH problem, not an IL problem.

Do you always scapegoat your ILs for the fact that your DH is a doofus?

[Anonymous]

I guess I don't see the problem. Just get more food and figure out how to fit more people at the tables. Let them figure out what hotel they'll stay in, if they're coming from out of town. I think of Thanksgiving as an inclusive, welcoming holiday. The more the merrier.

[Anonymous]

Tell you she he can do whatever he wants if HE takes responsibility for cooking, cleaning, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't see the problem. Just get more food and figure out how to fit more people at the tables. Let them figure out what hotel they'll stay in, if they're coming from out of town. I think of Thanksgiving as an inclusive, welcoming holiday. The more the merrier.

OP said that they are going to a friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner so there is a problem. Read more carefully or don't post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't see the problem. Just get more food and figure out how to fit more people at the tables. Let them figure out what hotel they'll stay in, if they're coming from out of town. I think of Thanksgiving as an inclusive, welcoming holiday. The more the merrier.

Wow. You are clueless. They made plans to spend thanksgiving day at a friends house. To host her in laws she would need to cancel in her friends last minute AND make plans to host thanksgiving dinner.

I would be annoyed with my husband for even suggesting this. And I would make him tell his family that it's not going to work out. This is so inconsiderate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I don't see the problem. Just get more food and figure out how to fit more people at the tables. Let them figure out what hotel they'll stay in, if they're coming from out of town. I think of Thanksgiving as an inclusive, welcoming holiday. The more the merrier.

I love it when sanctimonious posters can't read. OP and her DH are already locked into plans with another family!

[Anonymous]

Don't cancel all your plans. Have DH tell his family you will see them for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell you she he can do whatever he wants if HE takes responsibility for cooking, cleaning, etc.

Nope.

That would solve the hosting issue, but to cancel on your friends the week of thanksgiving is a jerk move. Don't become an inconsiderate jerk, just because your ILs want to be inconsiderate jerks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't cancel all your plans. Have DH tell his family you will see them for Christmas.

OP here. This is what I am telling him to do. I also told DH to tell his brother to go home to MA for Thanksgiving.

[Anonymous]

Why can't DH tell his family that you already made plans for Thanksgiving? You could certainly welcome them to visit you over the long weekend if they want to see the grandchildren, like your family is doing. I would never deny the grandparents access to the grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

This is totally frustrating, I get it op as my husband is the exact same way.

Is it just two people trying to visit? Mil and bil? Any way you could ask your friend if she could accommodate with your help of course 2 more people? But then you have another huge issue if they and your family want to all stay at your house.

[Anonymous]

Typical! My husband would likely pull the same stunt, if his family were living in the country.

Stand firm. You've made plans, it would be extremely rude not to go to your friend's Thanksgiving, WITH the husband in tow, since they expect a certain head count.

[Anonymous]

If I pulled that on my DW four days before Thanksgiving she'd ask me if I was out of my f----ing mind! And she'd be right!